So I’m online checking the news this morning. I’ve got mail. Oooh, Gore is Evil. While typing a polite reply to my friend, letting her know that these forwards are notoriously unreliable, I get a second email from an completely unrelated party. Man, this really isn’t Gore’s day…this one talks about how he is a Godless man, and No Real Christian could ever vote for him. While typing a polite reply to THAT one, I get still a third fuckin’ forward–this one from my most rabid Republican friend–called “Liar, Liar.” Apparently, Bush is a saint who never lies, but Gore is full of shit. And my friend says he “knows for a fact” a good portion of what was in the email was true. This is the same guy who forwarded some UL-like crap to me and assured me it was true because his (I’m not kidding) friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s father was there when it happened.
And I’m not pissed because people chose to pick on Gore today. I get my share of Bush is Demon Spawn and Gore is nest to the Pope emails too, and this piss me off just as much. Why? Why are people so frickin’ gullible, and why do they think I am??
Attention folks (whips out her 400watt-speaker-megaphone): I AM A GROWN-UP. I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS ABOUT WHO I VOTE FOR. And furthermore, *it ain’t none of your fucking business who I do vote for. Leave me alone and stop trying to tell me what to do, fercryinoutloud…and aren’t you aware of how ASININE all forwards like this are? Do you forward the shit about Disney paying $5000 to everyone who forwards the forward? Are you afraid of waking up in a tub of ice with a missing kidney or other favored internal organ?
Fuh-RICK. GET A LIFE. Bend over and tie your shoes (if you can do that without drooling all over them first) and walk out the door and discover LIFE.
I always respond to those with something even more bullshitted, but aimed at the “other guy”.
For example, if someone sends me “Gore raised money in Buddhist temple” (or whatever) I reply with “Bush rapes monkeys and dines on the still-beating hearts of Amish”.
Now there’s a great idea, SPOOFE! Unfortunately, I delete all this crap, so I can’t sift through the files and send on an anti-whoever email. But man, would that ever start a war with my friends…
I always “fix” them, like a little bit down where nobody bothers to read before forwarding, so that you “win” a frozen kidney instead of $5000 and then send it to the guillible idiot. You also can “Reply All” and call them a moron in front of all their other friends if it was a bulk forward. That’ll stop them in their tracks, or at the very least remove you from their group list.
I like that - “the still-beating hearts of the Amish.”
I most remarkable thing I’ve learned from those e-mails, or rather, verifying their falsity on http://www.snopes.com - is that Mariah Carey didn’t say “I’d like to be skinny like those kids in Ethopia, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” Somehow, it surprised me more that it didn’t happen. Oh well, anyone who releases an entire album revolving around bad metaphors relating to her coochie tends to surprise when demonstrating any form of restraint…
I almost started a similar rant the other day. the idiot boyfriend of a friend sends me stuff all the time. Most, I hit delete without reading it (most of his jokes are crude, unfunny moronic things not worth my time). However, the other day, he sent me something that wasn’t identified as a joke, so I opened it.
Big mistake. It was a multiple forward where the “life lesson” was trying to teach parents to warn their kids about predators on the internet.
Ok I DO have a child. But geez. give me a little credit please? AND the moronic piece of trash that was sent was such an obvious made up story (“Shannon” gets involved in an on line chat, we see from the rest of the piece the person is stalking her. Shannon gets confronted by her dad, who then introduces some strange man who’s come to their house saying he was her on line friend, and was really a member of a group of parents who do on line chats with kids, so they can * come to their houses and warn the parents about the kids activities *… :rolleyes: )
I replied “please don’t send me this sort of thing again”. He responded, “thank god for the delete button, huh?”
No, moron. I wanted it deleted BEFORE it got to my mailbox, thank you. :rolleyes: Sheesh
Just the other day I got the “asbestos in tampons” one from my husbands assistant, who is a friend of mine. I wrote back something like:
Sam. I love you, I really do. You are a smart person with a lot going for you. Will you do me a favor? PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS and check these ULs before you send them along?? They’re driving me crazy! I keep sending you the Snopes links and you keep sending the stuff! Enough!
[inserted snopes link].
The next day I got a mail from her- she had done a “reply to all” and sent this reply to everyone she sent the original one to:
Sorry for worrying people- Zette was right. I won’t be sending these things anymore and I’d appreciate not getting them from any of you so I am not tempted to send them. Thanks!
Sam
I almost busted a gut! I called her and she wasn’t even mad, just mad for being a sucker.
The political ones REALLY get me. HELLO! I’m a democrat! Please don’t send me Clinton jokes or Gore bashing! I don’t want it!
wring, If I were you, I’d write back to that jerk “No, that’s what the “block address” button is for. Thanks for writing for the last time”
The sad thing is, that wouldn’t really work. 4 times out of 5, the originator of an e-mail forward is some spammer who eventually gets the e-mail returned to them, with a huge list of e-mail addresses, ready for them to spam away. If your friend send you the mail, even if you have their address blocked I believe it does add your name to the forward list, so, to make a long story short, you’re screwed.
If anyone sends me an e-mail forward, chain-letter, urban legend, or any other sort of spam (it hasn’t happened yet since I got my new e-mail address, thank god) I will send them a very angry e-mail stating that I do not wish to be spammed, and if they ever do something like that again I’ll…nevermind.
(Okay, I’ll be honest, it has nothing to do with censorship, as this is The Pit, but I have to get off my computer right now and I don’t have time to think of a witty method of torture. insert witty method of torture here )