Ya know, since we share a driveway, it’s natural for us to chat for a minute when I come outside and find you tinkering with your car (like you do every damn day). But tell me, does the entirety of every conversation have to be about that car?
Don’t get me wrong…I’m sure it’s a fine automobile. Hell, I’m hoping my Focus makes it to 100k miles before I gotta go slogging around looking for some new wheels. But dude, seriously, take a hint. No, in fact, don’t take a hint – just listen to me when I tell you straight up – “I’m not into cars”!
To me, they are a mode of transportation. A to B, that’s it. With a 100-mile round-trip commute for work, I have three automotive requirements: a radio, decent gas mileage, and no shimmy at high speeds. Other than that, I don’t wanna know nothing.
I pay someone $16 to change my oil. If there’s trouble, I have AAA. Hell, living in Jersey, I’m not even allowed to pump my own gas. I don’t know anything about cars, and I’m fine with that. I’d much rather spend the time learning more about computers – it directly relates to both my career and my hobbies. So please, stop trying to find out my opinion on your dual-overhead-halogen-cam-pozi-fuel-injected-hemi-caliper-overdrive-what-the-fuck-ever you’re putting in it this week. I simply don’t give a dual-overhead-flying-fuck.
After weeks of hearing you go into excruciating detail about your ever-so-fine ride, here is the sum total of knowledge I have of your car:
Yeah, you say you supercharged the engine? Cool, bet that will get you to the stadium in no time at all. The Giants are gonna have a great year (start rattling off stats) and did you hear they’re gonna trade (start listing off names) and can you imagine what that will mean for their chances??
Ya know, last week the subversion repository at work was running a little slow, and when I sshed to it I found out that it was originally a Debian install using a 2.2 kernel, meaning DMA wasn’t turned on by default. A quick hdparm later and the throughput was 7 times better!
I bet it’s not as sexy as my '93 Plymouth Sundance. It leaks AND burns oil, has a dent in either front fender, and the heads are warped. It’s the sexiest.
Brilliant! If he starts his prattling tomorrow, then I’ll just have to mention how optimistic I am about the Giants signing veteran tackle Bob Whitfield, and how this adds some nice depth along their O-line, seeing as how was a terrific player in his 12 seasons with the Falcons before becoming a good backup for the Jags last year, and how he should in fit nicely and how it’ll be good having a veteran to back up Petitgout and how he’ll be a treasure trove of good advice and how…hey, wait…where ya going??
[hijack] Really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a full-service station in Florida. [/hijack]
And I feel your pain. One of my former coworkers once spent 20 minutes telling me about the tile in her bathroom. I was ready to chew my arm off to get away.
Sure 'nuff – it’s illegal here. Nice on cold, rainy days. Of course, I always manage to forget when I go into Pennsylvania, and wind up sitting at the gas pump for 10 minutes wondering “where the hell is the attendant??” :smack:
Oooooo…if you ever go to unload that car on someone, you might just be able to get away with making that a selling point. “Includes The Dash Box**** of Mystery*!”
*****Sorry…I refuse to call them “glove compartments”. I’ve never seen a pair of gloves in one in my life.
And let this be a lesson to you: always check the gauge before you get to the state line so that you can fill up ahead of time if necessary. I think the full service gas stations alone would be enough to keep me from moving to New Jersey, were there ever reason for me to do so.
In the 22 years he’s known me, my own father hasn’t figured out that I have no desire to discuss the more technical aspects of cars with him, nor has he realized that I’m incabable of holding onto the information even when I do try to pay attention. This doesn’t bode well for your conversations with your neighbor, Hal…
I’d always heard this, but when I drove through Oregon I had to pump my own gas at every station I stopped at. Whisky Tango Foxtrot? Never driven through New Jersey, though.
It really bugs the hell out of me, actually; I don’t like other people messing with my car. It makes me paranoid. I mean, who knows what they’re doing to my silver lady while pretending to pump gas. :eek:
Hal, at least this is your neighbor and not family. My brother can talk my ear off about strange little projects he’s working on, or alternate history, or a bunch of other things I’m not that interested in. It’s okay for about five minutes, but then it gets boring. I tell him I don’t care, and he still talks and talks and talks. And then he gets annoyed when I’m not paying attention to him. I want to know what’s going on in his life, but not so much when he talks for overr an hour, long-distance, and I’m paying for the call.
I guess I’m the only one here who likes full-service gas stations. I got gas in Charlottesville, VA one time. I was expecting self-serve gas, but I pulled up, and a very nice young man came over and pumped gas for me. I liked it. I remember when they used to pump the gas for you and clean the windshield, and even check the oil. I can do all that myself, but it’s kind of nice when I can just sit in the car and let someone else do it for me. If it’s not full-service, I want to pay at the pump. I hate going in gas stations and having to wait to pay for my gas. On long trips, I just want to get gas and get back on the road.
I have gloves in my glove compartment, so I can still call it the glove compartment. But dash box is a lot shorter and easier to say.
