My mother has been an on-and-off member here for more than a decade and I’ve been a lurker as well, so I have seen people helping others and am hoping I might find some help for myself.
It’s about cigarette smoking.
Please — PLEASE — don’t tell me about your relative’s horrible death or how you just buried your sister because of cigarettes. Please don’t give me dooming statistics and post links to lung dissections. I know all this. I KNOW IT. The knowledge hasn’t been enough to make me stop.
What I’m looking for is advice and experience. I’m looking for help.
I’ve had laser therapy, a Lung Association course, a “deterrent” program (where I smoked way too much while getting mild electric shocks), boxes and boxes of nicotine patches, a veritable wardrobe of books, literature, toothpicks and gums. I’ve got four of Allen Carr’s books and two of his CDs. They’re very helpful — when I read or listen to his words, I can totally understand and agree with what he is saying. Still, I haven’t stopped. I’ve got a CD from Deepak Chopra and another from Susan Hepburn. When I listen to them, I tend to smoke much less than normal. Several years back, I went to a “group” stop smoking hypnosis session. I fell asleep, but I didn’t smoke for eight hours afterward (until I suddenly realized that I wasn’t smoking and then had an uncontrollable craving).
Out of all the tools I have, Allen Carr makes the most sense to me. Still, I continue to smoke.
I have examined the instances when I smoke and tried to analyze what it is that prompts me to light up. The activities and reasons are not uncommon:
The phone
Driving
Taking a break — re-grouping, so to speak, after finishing a task
Boredom
Stress
When I focus all my energy on not smoking, I find I’m at a loss as to what to do. What do I do when I get up in the morning? How do I take a break? How can I focus enough to drive a car? It sounds ridiculous, but I seriously don’t know what to DO with myself.
As part of my effort to stop, I’ve stopped smoking in my house and I’ve switched brands two or three times. I cut out coffee and alcohol entirely. I’ve severely cut back on cigarettes several times, and I’m fine as long as I can eat every fecking second of the day. Once, I gained nine pounds in two days by barely smoking and simply eating instead.
I’m currently using plastic “Nic Out” filters. Info about them at http://www.nicout.com I don’t know whether or not they really help, but I feel better than before I started using them. When I forget to use a Nic Out filter, the cigarette is too strong. Regardless, I’ve been using those for about three months and now I want to go further.
I’m considering going to a hypnotherapy centre for treatment. The cost is around $1,000, but if it worked it would be worth it. (I’m just afraid it won’t work and that will be yet another $1,000 thrown away).
I feel so pathetic. I’m feeling quite desperate about this. Maybe despondent is a more accurate term. I’m crying while I type this, and yet I had to stop and have a cigarette while I considered what to write and what the response might be. At night, I pray to God to help heal my body and give me strength, and then I lay in bed and wonder if tonight’s the night I’ll die because of smoking. But when I get up in the morning, inevitablly I light a cigarette and then hate myself.
Please. Please. Tell me how you quit and what you did. What did you do the first few hours? What did you do in the morning when you first quit? How did you take a break the first time without a cigarette? What did you do for the first phone call without a cigarette? Please share any experiences you have. I would be so grateful, and certainly there are others will feel the same.