Straight Dope Epic Adventure/Fantasy Movie Game

Kat bared her teeth and began a response, but at that moment the dragon landed.

Duke Garius of the Winter Lands of Cacadia, Lord Protector of the Confederated Northern Kingdoms, Commander of the Armies of the North and Guardian of the Orcish Wall, what new wizardry is this?” she exclaimed instead.

But Duke Garius of the Winter Lands of Cacadia, Lord Protector of the Confederated Northern Kingdoms, Commander of the Armies of the North and Guardian of the Orcish Wall looked surprised, for the first time in his life. By the time he was able to gather his wits together, the dragon had flamed or eaten half his army. “Take up positions out of eye sight!”, he exclaimed belatedly. “We’ll herd it toward the rebels.”

The small band of revolutionaries drew close to each other, preparing to battle the dragon…

As the dragon flamed part of the Duke’s army, Quessa, SpaceCowboy, and Splitfoot felt the shiver of anti-magic charms being broken. Clearly, the dragon had fried the army’s wizard. Quessa pulled the arrow out of js_africanus’ neck and pointed her wand at the spurting wound. A ray of soft golden light bathed the unconscious gnome’s neck, leaving new flesh in its wake.

Satisfied, she stood and joined the other spellcasters. FunkySpaceCowboy had summoned his white horse, which strangely showed no fear of the dragon. Splitfoot was hissing something in an unfamiliar language, while a nimbus of sickly greenish light gathered around him. Quessa glanced at ITR Champion. “You wanted a dragon? Well, be careful what you wish for…”

He swallowed, but resolutely drew his sword. “Now you tell me. Got any fireproofing spells?”

“Oh yeah! Should’ve thought of that myself.” Quessa took a deep breath, shaking out her wand hand. “Gather round, folks!” Elfkin, Kat, samarm, Cougarfang, and Mr. Cantrip joined ITR Champion, all looking rather nervous.

“I hope this doesn’t take long, human. That dragon’s getting closer, you know!” Cougarfang flexed her claws nervously.

“It won’t.” Quessa glanced up at her raven familiar, who flew off its branch and began circling the group. As it circled, red-gold sparks began drifting down onto the company. The sorceress chanted in a sonorous foreign tongue, and the sparks grew into a haze of reddish-gold light. Peculiarly, the temperature within the circle of light dropped. As the raven circled for the ninth time, Quessa gestured sharply with her wand. The light sank into the skin of everyone within the circle, and a shiver ran down their spines. “That should do it.” The blonde sorceress looked tired, and her raven flapped back to its branch. She took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair. “Just make sure you kill that dragon before sunset tomorrow.”

Why is Splitfoot talking about dispelling anti-charms, he specifically stated that he wasn’t a magician…

“But I am not at all suprised to see you here brother”, **Kat ** replied icily. “This sort of attack on innocents is your stock in trade, father would be proud.”

“I know he would be, if he were still alive. It’s a shame about his death too, he still could have been of great service to the kingdom. Tell me sister, do you know what his last words were?”

“No Garius I don’t, you were there, I wasn’t”

“He cursed me for only wounding him with my first blow, told me he’d raised me better than that. Then he nearly pierced my skull with a hidden crossbow, he died smiling when I put my blade through his heart.” Turning to a solider now he ordered, “Sergant, bound and gag this one, she’s dangerous.”

While Garius and Kat were discussing family matters Quessa had moved to SpaceCowboy’s side to try and tend to his wounds. When she arrived he was chanting a spell of some sort to himself. “Are you alright?”

“Apart from this arrow stuck in my leg I’m fine.” he replied sarcastically “And that will cease to be a trouble in a moment, just as soon I finish this spell of healing.”

“But how? Those anti-charms the soliders are wearing prevent us from using magic.”

“No they don’t” he whispered, “they only prevent us from using magic on them, we can still cast on ourselves. There the leg’s fine now.”

“Have you been smoking that pipe of yours? The arrow’s still in there.”

“Yes I know. I have an idea but we need to plan it very carefully - are you any good at telepathy spells?” he asked.

  • Yes, quite good. * ** Quessa’s** voice echoed inside his head.

  • Excellent. Garius obviously believes the anti-charms his men are wearing have rendered us completely powerless, otherwise he would have taken steps to secure us already. Probe the amulets they are wearing, do you sense any weaknesses?*

  • Yes, yes I do. These charms were crafted by a powerful mage but they are limited, I think I can create a spell to circumvent them but our powers will be limited until we’ve had a chance to imbue your staff and my wand with the circumvention spell. *

  • Good, start working on that, and make as though you’re attending my wounds, helplessly. Our success depends on Garius’s overconfidence about the power of his charms*

Garius then began to survey the other prisoners, giving instructions to his men on how best to bind them. When he came to the halforc he had a bit of a problem. “No material I have with me could bind these strong arms for long.” he informed his sergant. “Bring me your two strongest pikemen.”

When the pikemen arrived Garius instructed them to stand on either side of the halforc with the tips of their pikes placed on the his throat, just below his impressive jawline. “If he looks as though he’s even thinking about moving, run him through.”

The halforcs dim eyes were alive with fear, even he was aware of how vunerable this position made him. He would stand there dumbly until told otherwise by ** Garius **.

When Garius reached Brahe he paused again. “Ahh I see we’ve captured a deserter then. Bind him, he’ll hang on the gallows for treason once we reach the capital.”

“My Lord! Please don’t. I-I-I’m, not a traitor sir, I was captured by these rogues while attempting to deliver important documents for the king!” pleaded Brahe

“Oh. Well that’s different then, I guess I can’t hang you for treason then. Instead I’ll hang you for delirection of duty, does that suit you better?”

Brahe began sobbing.

At this point a painful wail coming from SpaceCowboy caught Garius’ attention. “What’s wrong with him?!”

Quessa retored “He’s injured and delerious with pain you fool, he needs medical attention. I’m trying to tend his wounds as best I can but…”

Garius cut her off “but your powers have failed you and you’re helpless with out them. I know.”

“Begging your pardon m’lord” asked the sergant, “but shouldn’t we put the magicians in irons as well. They might still be dangerous.”

“Hah. Look at them - broken and helpless from a mere arrow to the leg. Look at her, she can’t do anything to help him. These-”, Garius grabbed the sergant’s wrist and held it aloft, revealing a black obsidian bracelet, inscribed with runes of power. “- have made them powerless against us. Without their magic they are helpless, bound by their own weak bodies. Let the witch help the wizard while he hobbles along with his stick as we march the prisoners back to the capital. Form up the men and prepare to march out! The king will reward us well for this capture.”

As the soliders and prisoners were forming up for the march Elfkin began to despair. Her party was in irons, her other friends were missing, either captured or dead. The cunning Garius had stopped her rebellion before it even started. Even the magicians were powerless against this awful foe. Then she heard the warm voice of SpaceCowboy echo in her head. At first she thought she had imagined it but he kept “talking”

  • Don’t despair friend, Quessa and I aren’t as helpless as we appear. She has found a weakness in the soliders charms and will soon have a spell to bypass them. I’ve healed my wound already, we’re just putting on a show for Garius now. Once Quessa has finished her spell we’ll be able to make our escape. When all is ready your shackles will fall off, be prepared to act quickly! Don’t talk to anyone, I’ll inform everyone else of the plan*

SpaceCowboy proceeded to update the rest of the prisoners of the plan - except for the two new humans. He didn’t fully either Brahe or the so-called dragon slayer. He was also unable to connect with Splitfoot, something about that twisted creatures mind made telepathy impossible. Never mind, he’s enough of an opportunist to react correctly when his shackles fall off.

The prisoners were lined up in the center of the column for the march. The halforc was flanked by his pikemen for the duration of the march. SpaceCowboy limped painfully behind the other prisoners, leaning heavily on his staff, and Quessa for support.

  • My spell is read * Quessa thought to SpaceCowboy

*Good, can you teach it to me? *

Yes

The pair went into a type of trance, their bodies hobbling along without any supervision from their minds as Quessa taught him how to circumvent the amulets. They remained like this for nearly an hour of the march.

When they came out of their trance SpaceCowboy commented * That is a complex spell, it will require a lot of concentration, we will not be able to fight more than four or five soliders at once, our escape will depend on the quick action and fighting skills of our companions. *

  • It’s worse than that.* Quessa thought to him * The amulet Garius wears is of a different sort than his soliders. It is far more powerful and immune to this spell*

Wonderful… well we have to try. Are you ready to begi- somethings wrong! Do you feel anything unusual?!

  • Oh no! It’s a dragon! She’s heading right for us, she’ll be here in ten maybe fifteen minutes*

  • A dragon! I havn’t seen one in over 300 years! You said yourself they were extinct.*

  • I know, this one just sprang into existance, this is the work of a diety, an Olympian I think, I’m not sure who though *

SpaceCowboy sighed… * If this is the work of an Olympian you can bet she’s not being sent to rescue us. It’s a test of some sort, maybe their trying to decide which side they want to support in our little rebellion. That’s their style. Wait, I have an idea… rumor has it you used to tame dragons back in the day…

  • Yes that’s true I tamed a few dragons in the old days, but always with the assistance of another tamed dragon. I can’t tame a wild one by myself, it’s too powerful, too willful even for me. *

  • Yes I know, but what if you had a tame dragon helping? Or say a very intelligent flying horse, disguised with a spell of illusion to look like a dragon. Rasta has been following us at a discreet distance since we left camp, once airborne he can be here in a minute*

Quessa considered this plan for a moment… * Such a ploy would never fool an experienced dragon, but this one was created out of nothingness by a god, it will have a dragons instincts but no experience, it may very well be fooled by your ploy. It’s worth a shot, if I can tame it the prospects of our quest suceeding will be increased tenfold. But* she continued * it will call for a change of plans, and precise timing. We’ll have to hold a mana shield over our friends when she first comes in. She’ll make two passes over the column strafing us with fire, after the second pass she’ll slow to a hover and start attacking with claws and teeth. At that point your horse should appear, as a dragon, and I’ll have to turn my full attention to taming her. It will be up to you to hold off the soliders while I do this. *

  • I understand *

Moments later the rear of the column was engulfed with green fire as the dragon started her first strafing run, seconds before she reached the prisoners the two gaurds on the half orc fell to the ground, as did the shackles on the rest. Quessa and SpaceCowboy ran to the center of the group, with wand and staff they each projected a powerful mana shield over their friends. Even with the sheild in place they could still feel the heat of the flame, such was the power of dragons fire. Once the dragon finished her second pass she slowed and began to hover, just as Quessa predicted. They lowered their shields and suddenly a second dragon appeared overhead, this one covered in a shimmering rainbow of scales. ** Quessa ** began giving orders to the new dragon, while chanting powerful spells of control over the still wild one. Together they worked to break her will.

SpaceCowboy began giving orders to the party to protect ** Quessa** , the halforc had picked up one his fallen guards and was using him as a club to attack the living soliders with, he comprised their entire rear guard. SpaceCowboy advanced with the rest of the party into what remained of the decimated column, perhaps fifty of the one hundred men had survived, several of them were wounded. Most of the survivors were at the front of the column. Garius however was unscathed, though a little surprised.

Garius in fact had no idea what the hell had just happened. Suddenly his column was engulfed in flames from an attack by a long extinct species, then a second dragon appeared, and both of them now appeared to be engaged in some sort of struggle with the witch. This was odd but he put it out of mind as it did not affect his immediate tactical situation. However he was being advanced upon by his former prisoners, being led by not quite so helpless wizard. This was something he knew how to deal with and began barking orders to his troops for a counter attack. Suddenly green lightning lept from the wizards staff aimed direclty at his chest, where it fizzled about a foot before impact.

“Damn!” cursed **SpaceCowboy, "he is safe from my attacks but his men aren’t! " He destroyed the nearest advancing spearmen with a green bolt of fire. “This spell of Quessa’s has weakened memore than I thought, I can only fight one at a time, but we have to hold these troops back while she tames that dragon or all hope is lost!” with that he reached under his cloak for his sword, only to realize that he’d left it in his saddle bag, on Rasta, who was occupied at the moment. “Dammit!”

** Garius** was an able commander and soon had the rebels outflanked, he was taking losses but would have them corned soon. Out of nowhere ** Cougarfang** lept upon his back and made to rip out his throat. Garius deftly threw her off his back and knocked her unconcious with a vicious kick to the head, but before he could deliver the killing blow with his sword he was tackled by Kat and Elfkin while Samarm pulled Cougarfang back to relative safety. Garius soon threw off his new attackers, even his sister was no match for him in hand to hand combat, especially now that he was being fortified by that amulet. Before he could press his attack on them, ** SpaceCowboy** pulled them back to the rest of the party.

Things were looking desperate. Cougarfang was badly injured, Brahe and ITR had taken swords from fallen soliders and were guarding their flanks valiently but were both wounded and exhausted from fighting off so many foes. Splitfoot was fought well when corned but otherwise spent his time slitting the throats of the wounded and rifling their corpses. Garius had finally outflanked them with his remain forces and had them surrouned. Then from their rear came screams of pain and terror! The halforc had come, still with his gaurd-club and was clearing a path to the party with lusty swings of the gaurds body! The halforc had half a dozen arrows in his tough hide but hardly seemed to notice! They might yet survive the day!

Garius had regrouped his men and was pressing his attack from the front again when suddenly a wall of green flame, hotter than the sun engulfed him, and cut off his men from the battered party of outcasts. Quessa had tamed the dragon!

Garius was hot. Very hot, painfully hot in fact, but that is to be expected when one is hit with a blast of dragons fire, even when protected by powerful magic. He lept back out of the flames and watched helplessly as his prisoners escaped. No matter, he would find them again soon enough, and next time he would not make the mistake of underestimating that that pair of spellcasters.

SpaceCowboy ran to Quessa only to watch her collaspe the moment he reached her. He knelt by her side, she was alive, but very very weak. She had drained almost all of her mana in taming the dragon. With a gesture he commanded the dragon to land nearby, with another Rasta landed, once again looking like a horse. Now that the dragon was tame the illusion was not needed.

“Get on the dragon, she’s no danger to you now” **SpaceCowboy order the party as he gently loaded Quessa onto Rasta and climbed on behind her.

“Is Quessa alright, she saved us!” cried Elfkin

“She’s very weak, almost drained of mana, she will die if I don’t help her soon, but we have no time, we must leave now and find a safer place to rest and recover. Mount the dragon, she will follow Rasta.”, with that he spurred the horse into the air and shot off into the sky.

The rest of the party hastily climbed onto the dragon, making sure the wounded were well secured and sure enough she took off after Rasta.

No more than 20 minutes had passed before they landed in a small clearing in the dense forrest below. ** SpaceCowboy** had already dismounted with Quessa and was making ready to cast some sort of spell by the time the others landed.

“Are we safe here?” asked Elfkin

“No, but Quessa can’t wait, we must stop here. Make camp and set a watch, tend to yourselves for now I must concentrate on her if I’m going to save her. We will both be very weak when am finished.” said SpaceCowboy before going into a trance with his hands on Quessa’s limp body.

The others made camp and tended their wounds as best they could. Once revived Cougarfang appeared to be unharmed and went off to hunt for the group. Night had fallen and the group had eaten and gone through two watch rotations before a sound was heard from SpaceCowboy or Quessa A weak groan came from SpaceCowboy

Elfkin ran over to them, “Are you alright? Will she live?”

“Yes”, came his weary reply, “but we must rest for a while, we will be weak and unable to cast for at least a full night and day, please have some food ready for us when we awake…” and he then collasped in a heap next to Quessa and began to snore. Elfkin covered them with her cloak and went back to the fire with the rest of the group.

OOC: Dang simul-posts… well, SpaceCowboy did a better job than me, so disregard my previous post :stuck_out_tongue:

OOC: Doh! Diverging timelines! Sorry guys, your followups didn’t show up on my first preview of this one, guess I should’ve checked a second time. I’ll let whoever posts next decide which timeline to follow up with…

“Strange events, indeed,” thought js_africanus as he looked down on his dead form. He looked thoughtfully at the ghost like image of Quessa The Savior, of him at least. The other Quessa had mounted the dragon and fled. He rummaged through his possibles bag and retrieved a hair thin bracelet of gold. “I got this from a witch,” he said, “when I gave that swamp giant a taste of mountain troll fist.” And slipped it on to the not-quite-there image of Quessa. “She didn’t tell me what it does. Only that it is very powerful.” Except for the ocelot, nobody seemed to hear. “I wonder if this will work for both of them.”

“Am I alive or dead?” he asked the cat.

“Which one will get me dinner more quickly?” asked the cat.

“I don’t know.” He added, “Let’s move out while I’m still a phantom.” They began to walk to the appointed meeting with Princess Page. He stopped and turned around. He focused on the ephemeral images of Duke Garius of the Winter Lands of Cacadia, Lord Protector of the Confederated Northern Kingdoms, Commander of the Armies of the North and Guardian of the Orcish Wall.

“If you come to a fork in a story, which fork do you take?” he asked himself. “The one where that rat-bastard dies.” He took aim and fired. The blunderbuss belched forth a cloud of thick white smoke and flame, and from the muzzle, travelling at a speed almost too quick for a pre-industrial mind to comprehend, flew a mountain troll’s fist. It struck one of the two Duke Garius of the Winter Lands of Cacadia, Lord Protector of the Confederated Northern Kingdoms, Commander of the Armies of the North and Guardian of the Orcish Wall’s square in the chest, throwing him back into a tree where he was crushed under the weight of the giant’s fist. Many of the ghost-like figures jumped at the sound and the sight of the attack; the rest acted as if the event were in an entirely different universe. Js had no idea which Duke Garius of the Winter Lands of Cacadia, Lord Protector of the Confederated Northern Kingdoms, Commander of the Armies of the North and Guardian of the Orcish Wall he had hit, but he was glad that at least one of him was dead.

“Let’s move out,” he said to the cat. “If we still exist tomorrow, then we’ll cross paths with this crew again.” With that, they began their march underneith the brush.

OOC: Guess that means TheFunkySpaceCowboy then…

It was late, and the fire was low. As the various members of the ersatz army dropped off to sleep, the fire burned lower and lower, until finally it went out, for who knows how long.

Quessa suddenly awoke, her magical senses afire. Someone had crossed the boundary of their small camp! But there didn’t seem to be much movement associated with it.

She crawled out of the tent, noticing as she did that it was almost dawn. But all around them…

“Were there this many trees before?” samarn

Aw crud! Well, here’s the rest of it:

“Were there this many trees before?” samarm asked wonderingly.

“And did they form a… cage like this before?” Brahe added.

Quessa sighed. “Wake up, splitfoot. It appears we’ve ventured into dryad country.”

But splitfoot was nowhere to be found.
--------*

Splitfoot woke up in a very familiar place. Even before he opened his eyes he knew he was once again in the city of the dryads–specifically, in the bed of their Queen, Mistress, and HDiC Super Gnat.

“Good morrow, splitfoot.” a voice purred nearby.

She could still read him perfectly.

“What have you done with my friends, Super Gnat?” he asked in reply. “And when did you expand your territory that far south?”

“I decided to take advantage of the recent regional strife. It’s not as if any could stop me; even garius already knows that nothing that goes into the woods comes back out. Except you.”

“Yes, except me, now why don’t you let my friends go?”

He could hear her get up and come closer; feel her warm breath on his face. “You know the law. Whatever comes into my woods stays in my woods. Including your friends. Including you.”

She sat on the side of the bed, and splitfoot knew what he would see if he opened his eyes; brown skin, brown hair, brown eyes peering into his own.

“Besides, it isn’t such a bad life, being the consort of the Queen.”

Cougarfang stood, looking at Cougarfang. Both versions were misty, indistinct figures floating in a pitch-black void.

Which shall it be, doppelgangers? There can only be one timeline. A voice whispered, seemingly from another dimension. One nodded at the other, and vanished.

So mote it be. The second figure solidified and dropped back into the world, newly awakened, and surrounded by trees.

“… please don’t tell me you guys chopped down a dryad’s tree for firewood?” Cougarfang grumbled.

Quessa groaned, rubbing her head. “Splitfoot? Where are you?” She tried to stand, then sat down abruptly as the world seemed to tilt around her. Clearly, she was not anywhere near ready for more action. “Oh, gods… anyone seen him?”

“Not since we made camp,” replied Elfkin from where she stood watch. “Ah… are there dryads in these woods? Because I can’t think of anything else that would make trees move…”

A stirring in a bedroll (patterned in a strange motif of stars and tooled leather boots) indicated that FunkySpaceCowboy was awake. “Never heard of dryads here before, but never seen a dragon before either.” The wizard stuck his head out, blinking grumpily at the gathering. “In any case, there’s nothing we can do about it until tomorrow at the earliest. Quessa and I are both completely tapped out.”

“Uhhh… what 'bout der axe? Axe work real good on trees!” The half-orc Mr. Cantrip smiled a gap-toothed smile.

Cougarfang rolled her cat-pupiled eyes. “Axes and fire only make dryads angry, half-orc. There’s not enough of us to chop or burn the trees before they stomped us into chunky salsa.”

“So what are we going to do?” Samarm looked from one face to another, his expression rather alarmed.

“I’m going to sleep, and I suggest you do the same.” With that, Quessa crawled back into her bedroll. Sleep claimed her the moment her head touched the ground.

“So you failed.”

Garius sighed and looked round the royal audience chamber.

With those beautiful tapestries, pillars of gold and trophies of war, he thought, *this must be a glorious sight to everybody here.

If only they realised how much blood has been spilled to get it.*

“I’m talking to you Cousin! Has your complete and utter failure made you deaf??”

The crowd of king’s courtiers chuckled.

Snapping back to reality Garius turned to look at the king. He was young – barely older than Garius himself with blond hair and blue eyes that hid an intelligent – if twisted – mind. To many of his subjects he presented an image of suave sophistication, bravery and above all manliness. Garius knew better though. He knew that beneath the smile and crown he was a complete and utter gobshite.

Oh I see. So we’re playing “score cheap points off of Garius” today are we.

“Sorry sire, I was just marvelling at your new uniform.”

The king smiled and shrugged off the two beautiful concubines at his side. He stood up from his throne so that the crowds could see the uniform better. It was bright red with a military cut and heavily embroidered with gold thread and lace.

“You like it? It’s the official uniform I have designed for my armies.”

“Its very bright.”

“That the idea, cousin! So that the troops can easily identify their comrades! I’m sure the men will love it!”

Their enemies certainly will.

“Good idea your majesty.”

“Ha! If you think you can hide behind flattery then think again – tell me Garius! Tell me why you failed and why I shouldn’t punish you for it.”

Garius’ smiled.

“Maybe this is a conversation we’d be better having in private your majesty?”

The king’s smile evaporated. Something in the way Garius had spoken hadn’t been right. He recovered his composure.

“Um…yes…of course…EVERYBODY OUT!”

When the last person had left he turned back to Garius and began to speak.

“So tell me…”

“…why I failed?! I’ll tell you why I failed you ignorant little shit!

One - You wouldn’t let me take any of my own musketmen which you despise so much. Instead I had to make do with what I could scrounge off of that arrogant arsehole Alphonso.

Two – You said they were “a few rebels” you didn’t tell me about the sorcerers, the orc or the damn neko-cat that would have ripped my spine out if I’d been a fraction of a second slower!

Three – a dragon turned up. A FECKING DRAGON.

Next time you tell me EVERYTHING you know and never, NEVER send me out on one of your dirty little genocidal missions again - you got me?!”

Stunned and shocked the king tried to reply…

“…I…we…you…YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I AM YOUR KING!”

“Yes you are my king. But you are also a miserable streak of piss too! And if I’d known that 5 years ago when my father asked me to join his rebellion then I would have joined him! Instead I blindly and stupidly stood by the oath I took as an immortal to protect the crown no matter what. And now, I’ve lost both my father and my sister and been left with you! Don’t for a moment think I like you or even respect you “your majesty” – my loyalty is to the throne and the throne only. Unluckily for me you happen to be the rightful occupier of it!”

Shocked, the king tried to summon back his courage.

“I…I…THIS IS TREASON! I COULD HAVE YOU KILLED”

“Just try it. Kill me and the whole of the north will rise against you and you know it. Oh don’t worry – I’m “loyal” to you. I took an oath – remember? Besides I don’t have a choice anymore. Are we finished here? Because I have some rebels to hunt.”

“but…but…you said they were in the dryads forest! What makes you think they’ll get out of there?!”

“Because they outwitted me. And anyone who outwitted me will have no problems with a bunch of trees. Oh one more thing “your highness” try and enforce any of your pathetic and horrific speciesist laws in my Lands and I’ll gut you with a fork.”

Before the king could reply, Garius stormed out of the chamber. His page, waiting just outside the door, hurried to catch up.

“I have a room reserved for you sir at the Crossed Keys Inn.”

“Thank You. Have you sorted something out for yourself? Good. Then you may go – I’ll see you tomorrow – have my horse saddled and ready at dawn actually make that noon. no hurry."

“sir…um…well…i was wondering whether you’ll be wanting any…um…‘company’.”

“no…wait…yes.”

“sir?”

“find me a neko-kat.”

At this very moment, in a small shepherd’s hut in the woods, jr8 had just made himself a nice MLT sandwich and a cup of tea and was sitting down at his rough-hewn kitchen table to enjoy them when there came a faint scratching at the door. “It must be the cat”, he said to himself as he went to open the door.

And it was.

After entering the hut, Moxmaiden returned to her normal state. The tall, slim druid was careful to not be seen outside the hut.

“There was a small group that met to talk about the goings on in the kingdom. They were forced into the dryad country,” she told jr8. “And no, I wasn’t seen.” She hated that she was kept like this by her brother, but it was her fathers dying wish that noone know about her small powers. He always feared the king might find out. She couldn’t do much magic, but could “talk” to animals and take their form, and some small healing. “I want to help them. I am not doing anygood here!”

Cougarfang stared at Quessa’s sleeping form for a moment, before shaking her head and mumbling, “Humans. Pfeh.” and walking to the edge of camp.

“Excuse me, but I’m hungry. May I go hunt, or are you going to barricade us in here until we starve to death?” she asked the wall of trees in general. For an answer, a shower of nuts rattled down from the trees near her, pelting her with acorns, walnuts, and sundry hard, painful seeds.

“Guess not,” Samarm commented. Cougarfang barely managed to stop herself from mortally wounding the human. Instead, she stalked further out from camp, until she stood under a large oak. She stared at it intently, checking it out for traps and acorns. Seems okay… She nimbly ran up the tree, and was soon perching on the highest branch. Oh Goddess… the trees go for miles in every direction…

“Um, Cougarfang, that might not be a good idea…” Elfkin called up worriedly. No sooner were the words out of her mouth than the oak shuddered, throwing Cougarfang off onto the ground.

“Dammit.”

“They did WHAT?!? They TAMED my dragon and are now using him as a dung-clenching HORSE?!?” Athena frowned down on the lands below her. “This was NOT what I had in mind.”

She reached for another goblet of celestial elixir. “Still… it does show a certain level of cleverness. Holious would never have managed it. Garius though… he’s not Holius’s typical blockheaded military type. 'tis difficult to decide who to support. I think I need to pay a visit to these mortals myself.”

Athena stood, and raised her arms above her head. She twitched a bit, lowered her arms, and left Mount Olympus towards the direction of the Cross-Keys Inn. Nobody would guess she was a Goddess in her new form… that of a neko-cat.

** Elfkin** helped an angry Cougarfang regain her paws, er feet, whichever. " Are you all right?"

" Just bruised." Cougarfang growled.

" Let me guess, this is the first time you’ve encountered dryads before."

Cougarfang bristled. " No!" ** Elfkin** gave her a hard stare. " I mean yes. What manner of beasts are they? Furry monsters? Or covered in scales? Oh wait, I know, they’re the trees, right?"

" No. They’re women, sort of elf-like, but with a taste for overy long hair which they find very feminine. They enjoy flirting with human men, since males of their kind are so rare to be unheard of, which means it wouldn’t surprise me if some show up to get a better look at our party. " ** Elfkin** said, her look not pleased. Something about her manner suggested that a visit from dryads might amuse men, but not women.

" If they’re women, what’s wrong with the trees?"

" They guard the trees because they’re each connected to the tree that sprouted the day that they were born. If you kill the tree, you kill the dyrad."

Cougarfang grinned. " That sounds like a weakness in battle."

** Elfkin **shivered. " I hope we don’t find out."

Mr. Cantrip lumbered by, then set himself on the ground. He froze in place.

" What are you doing?" They called.

" Listening." came back his grumbled reply. The two women stopped talking and listened too.

<aside>
I forgot to mention it in the last post, but people who played the horror movie game might be interested in knowing that I did give the game an ending to wrap it up. Go see what happened to you :smiley:

</aside>

hope this thread isn’t dead - i was quite enjoying it…

“Bloody Hell.”

Woken from her snooze Athena giggled. Then, yawning lazly, stretched out a hand to take the cup of wine Garius had poured for her.

“Seriously. Bloody hell! I mean… that thing you did with your tail… I didn’t realise you could even do that!”

Athena laughed out loud. Downing the wine in one swift gulp she jumped up lightly onto her feet and tossed the cup towards the fireplace. She noticed, with a touch of disappointment, that It didn’t break.

“Neither did I.” She muttered to herself as she crossed the room and headed towards the balcony. “No wonder female neko-cats are always so damn happy.”

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that – did you say something?”

Athena smiled and glanced back at the Duke.

“Nothing – just talking to myself.”

She opened the balcony door and stepped out into the cold night air. She shivered slightly. Then giggled at the whole idea of shivering.

This is what the other gods don’t understand! She thought to herself. They laugh at me for talking mortal form but they don’t realise what they are missing – feelings such as hot and cold need to be experienced to be enjoyed – not just watched from above. As do other… ah… sensations.

Her train of thought was broken by Garius who, stepping out onto the balcony, wrapped his cloak around her shoulders.

“Here take this – its cold out here. You’ll catch your death.”

She giggled at the idea of dying.

He looked at her and smiled.

“I sent down for some food – thought you might be hungry.”

She giggled at the thought of hunger.

He laughed lightly and shook his head, then turned and went back into the room. Picking up a book from the desk in the corner he flopped down onto the bed and began to read.

Out on the balcony Athena took a deep breath, enjoying the enhanced sense of smell that came with being a neko-cat.

Incredible. She thought *I can smell everything. The bakeries must be just starting up because I can smell yeast and fresh bread, I can smell stale alcohol from the inn below, the street smells of filth – both human and non-human and…

…and I can smell blood. Fresh blood.
*

Her heart began to pump faster. Sensing some kind of threat and cursing her mortal form for preventing her from using her divine powers, she began to cast her eyes around looking for signs of danger.

She soon found it. The guards the Duke had placed in the Inn’s courtyard below were missing.

“My Lord?”

He laughed. “Call me Garius

“Your men… they’ve gone.”

His face dropped.

“Shit. Not good. Grab your stuff, we need to…”

The handle on the door turned. When it became obvious to the person on the other side that it was locked, there was a knock.

“Erm… Room Service!”

Picking up his scabbard from the floor the Duke quietly drew his sword and moved quickly to the door.

“Assassins?” Athena whispered unsheathing her claws and moving to join him.

“could be” he whispered back.

“Just a minute!” He shouted “Hey - what have you brought? I’ve forgotten what we ordered!”

“Umm… wine. Yeah wine.”

Athena giggled. “Wrong answer” She shouted “Want to try again?!”

Garius shot her a look.

“Sorry” She mumbled “Couldn’t Resist”

Before he could comment the door shock violently.

“OPEN UP IN THE NAME OF THE KING!”

Garius turned quickly to Athena.

“Listen,” he said, "You can dive out the balcony if you want – they won’t follow and You’ll have no problems getting away. You don’t have to stay, although I admit I could probably do with the help.

It’s your choice."

Athena didn’t hesitate. She wouldn’t miss this for the world. And, of course, being a Goddess, she had nothing to lose. What were they going to do? Kill her? She grinned at the very thought.

“Oh no, my Lord, I’m an accomplished warrior. I will stand and fight at your side. No way I’d let that luscious tumpus of yours get hurt.”

Garius jumped a little as he felt her tail caress his <ahem> luscious tumpus. He relaxed slightly at her offer to stay with him; he wasn’t sure just how much of a fighter she was, but it was heartening not to be alone in this upcoming battle. He turned towards the door, drawing his sword, and prepared to throw it open when his ears caught a familiar sound. What was that? The call of a morning dove? That soft, sad “cock-a-doodle-doo” that the local early-rising doves made was a long standing signal between Garius and his most trusted companions. He had to delay.

“Um, hold on one moment, I’m, um, not in my proper uniform, and I, ah, wouldn’t want to disgrace his Kingship’s men by being caught in my scivvies, now, would I?” he called out, towards the closed door. Athena gave him a startled look.

“Will they fall for that?” she whispered.

“You have no idea the level of stupidity in the King’s guard.” he countered. Athena grinned.

Garius crept towards the window, and peered out. Below him, in the courtyard, stood his page. Next to him stood Cougarfang, with a dreamy smile on her face.

“Lord! I’ve brought you your neko-cat! But your guards are gone, and I hear the King’s men above! Come quickly - I have horses!”

“Good work, Pemberly!” Garius took Athena’s wrist, and leaped through the window to the ground below. The four figures raced across the courtyard, to the four waiting horses. They leaped on the mounts, leaped the town’s gate, and headed out toward the waiting forest.

As they rode off into the distance, the riders each pondering their current situation. Garius wondered about the two neko-cats. The first had shown up at his door the night before, saying Pemberly had sent her. Why did he bring another? Pemberly, on the other hand, was more perplexed by the four horses… he had brought three - one for himself, one for his Lord, and one for the catnip-addled neko-cat. Where had the fourth come from? And who was this other neko-cat? That was just like a Lord… tell him to go get a neko-cat, but then go get another himself. Why, Pemberly could have had a nice dinner in the Inn last night, and a soft bed, and sausages for breakfast. Instead, he was galavanting all over the countryside trying to find a neko-cat when his Lord already had one warming his bed!

Athena, on the other hand, was both pleased and unhappy with her henchmen. Pleased, because they had managed to get her a horse in the proper place at the proper time. Upset, because they should have known enough to warn her that the King’s guards were coming. It was SO hard to get good help lately! She’d have to look into some new staff. She wondered about the work ethic of neko-cats. They certainly looked good… and that tail trick could come in handy at times.

Last but not least, Cougarfang simply wondered where she could get more of that A-rate catnip Pemberly had given her.

<aside>

DAMMIT ATHENA I HATE YOU!

TRUE STORY:

Garius is sitting at his desk drinking a can of coke and pretending to work. Due to a combination of holidays, sickleave, and bad seating arrangements he is the only Man sitting in this particular section of the office today.

*He reads Athena’s post. *

Garius (Spraying coke over the screen & forgeting where he is): MY LUSCIOUS TUMPUS?!

*Silence. The whole section stops working. Tumbleweed rolls across the floor. In the distance a church bell rings *okay i made that bit up but it felt like it

Female Coworker 1: You’re sick you know that? You need help.

Female Coworker 2: I don’t know… i’ve always quite liked his tumpus…

Female Coworker 3: So have i but i’m not sure i’d describe it as “Luscious”.

Female Coworker 4: You’re right - its more “firm” or “tight”

Female Coworker 2: No… No… its “Luscious” - watch next time he stands up.

Female Coworker 5: It is a good tumpus - didn’t he make it into our “top five tumpi” list at the last Christmas Party?

Female Coworker 3: Yes he came 4th, i still wouldn’t describe it as “Luscious” though.

Female Coworker 6: How about “pert”?

ETC.

half hour later Garius goes to the toilet. When he comes back…

Female Coworker 3: We held a vote - 75% of us went with “Luscious…”

:smack: :o

</aside>