[The theme music to the Ms. America Pageant’s playing in the background, when out on the stage walks celestina. She’s wearing a gorgeous and elegant pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, her hair’s tied up in a pony tail, and bunny slippers grace her feet. She walks out onto the runway to receive her crown for being elected “Straightdope Genius.”] 
I’d like to thank Gartog & Zanshin for being such darlins to me. Gosh, I never expected to receive such a prestigious award as this one. I will spend my reign trying to live up to the honor that has been bestowed upon me. 
[After receiving her crown, celestina walks over to Gartog and gives him a big ol’ juicy kiss and a gratuitous fondle or two. She then whispers something naughty in his ear, and he blushes. [giggle] Then she makes her way to Zanshin, beckons to his tall self to bend down a little so she can reach him, and proceeds to cover his face in kisses. She whispers something naughty in his ear, causing him to blush too. She moves away from Zanshin, waves to the crowd, and then exits the stage.]
[The theme music to the Ms. America Pageant’s playing in the background, when out on the stage walks celestina. She’s wearing a gorgeous and elegant pair of sweatpants, a sweatshirt, her hair’s tied up in a pony tail, and bunny slippers grace her feet. She walks out onto the runway to receive her crown for being elected “Straightdope Genius.”]
I’d like to thank Gartog & Zanshin for being such darlins to me. Gosh, I never expected to receive such a prestigious award as this one. I will spend my reign trying to live up to the honor that has been bestowed upon me.
[After receiving her crown, celestina walks over to Gartog and gives him a big ol’ juicy kiss and a gratuitous fondle or two. She then whispers something naughty in his ear, and he blushes. [giggle] Then she makes her way to Zanshin, beckons to his tall self to bend down a little so she can reach him, and proceeds to cover his face in kisses. She whispers something naughty in his ear, causing him to blush too. She moves away from Zanshin, waves to the crowd, and then exits the stage.]
As the steak tartar of posters (very rare, thank you very much, not the more regional meaning of steak Turk or steak Mongolian), and as a semi-professional lurker, I recognize that there does seem to be an implied atmostphere of “Cannibalize the poster first, and then, maybe, think about what he’s saying.” Or just cannibalize and forget about the thinking. (Which brings us back to a type of meat; sorry, lunch is not too far off.)
A co-worker of mine recently mentioned (probably saw it on a board somewhere) that arguing on the internet is like winning the Special Olympics. Or, as Tom Robbins writes, “…it’s like slicing ham with a screwdriver. It makes no sense.”
Of course, reading the BBQ Pit would be a lot less amusing if the combative air would dissipate. Maybe in the other Straight Dope boards, the thread tones should be polite and considerate; however, in the BBQ Pit, I say skewer everyone else with rhetorical spits. Being the BBQ Pit, one should also realize that when one posts, one is in imminent danger of being called a “fuckwad”. Or any other derivative of “fuck.”
So, screw it, I’m not sure what my original intent was with this post, but now I say, “Have at it! Amuse me, you fuckwad posters! Anon!” And as Ultress suggested, grow a thick skin.
Off to lunch!
[hijack]
Wow, Skip. Four posts is three years, and you only consider yourself a “semi-professional lurker?” You must have some high standards of lurkership!
Gosh, I just don’t like bragging. I was just attempting to show a bit of hubris. 