Good looking, straight male cricket is searching for the ideal female to share in adventures at DMark’s house. I will be chirping loudly all night in the large living room, hidden from those two large human figures frantically and futilely trying to find me.
I like to take long hops under furniture, eat exotic scraps and taunt large predators with my intense volume and range and uninterrupted melodic chirps (I was in a Boy Cricket Band in my youth!)
You should be trim, attractive, active, equally nimble and enjoy mating under sofas, near plants, behind side tables, near warm TV’s and even out in the open when the predators have given up searching for us.
I would like a large family - 200 or so, and so should you.
I prefer mates with huge ovipositors - but I also like a fun personality and a sense of adventure when we sneak under the predators’ bed tomorrow night where I plan to loudly chirp the entire night, with the beat of predator feet stomping in the background.
So, if you are a lonely, lovely female cricket, looking for a good time and possible long-term relationship, meet me at DMark’s tonight - my name is Jiminy and I am lookin’ for love!