The difference between being in the closet, and being private, is that you go to some lengths to MISLEAD others into believing something about your sexuality that isn’t true.
For example, I by no stretch of the imagination consider myself “in the closet.” But I am private about my sex life with most coworkers and some family. If they ask about my relationship status, sex life, preferences, etc, and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it, I’ll just say “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff. I’m a pretty private person.”
So, in my definition, a straight person would be “in the closet” if they were going out of their way to make people somehow believe they were gay. This could be done in a number of ways, including acting stereotypically gay, lying about being gay, being with someone of the same sex just for show, etc.
Otherwise you are just private, and that’s the end of it.
I haven’t come out as straight. I *never *talk about my relationships at work. I’m childless and not married, though, if that makes a difference. A lot of my coworkers have pictures of their kids or spouses in their cubes, so I guess they’re considered openly “out.” But even if I were married or a parent, I’m not the type to advertise it in the workplace.
I’m not defensive about it. But I *am *adept at redirecting conversation to avoid getting asked things I’d rather not talk about (like marital status, parental status, political stuff).
In gay coming out stories, there is often an element where a person (usually around pueberty) finds themselves attracted to a MOTSS and “realizes” they were gay.
I met my husband at work so for that job it was pretty clear. 10 years later we again worked at the same company for 5 years and since our last name is distinctive and rare it was pretty obvious. I’ve mentioned my husband at work a few times in the new job, mostly at lunches or in relation to vacation discussions.
My wife worked here for a while, so I guess it became pretty obvious. Fortunately, I wasn’t subjected to any discrimination from any heterophobic co-workers, as far as I’m aware.
In most other jobs, my coworkers knew I was straight, but the two women I work most closely with right now… one of them is the kind who acts sweetly but who will backstab you at the first chance, just because she can (I’ve seen it a couple of times and I’ve only known her for a few months); the other one apparently can’t mention anybody without talking dirty about them - she refers to her current boyfriend as “the schmuck”! Not the kind of people to whom I want to give any personal information.
I was recruited to my current position from another department in the same company. Almost everyone on my new team is gay and out. So when my new position was announced, people were aflutter with speculation I was gay too. I guess they thought my new boss was assembling his own little fabulous gay office army.
I’m not gay. However, I don’t really discuss my personal life at work, so I can see how my sexuality was a big question mark to most people. No one ever asked me directly, but a coworker who knew me and had met my ex-boyfriend set everyone straight, so to speak.
For the record, not that I have to come out of the closet to any of you, yes I have a wife and a girlfriend. Been separated and going through a divorce for about 3 years. Been dating my girlfriend for 1.5 years.
If you have a home decorating problem, if no one else can help with your bad hair days, and if you can find them in that dark closet, maybe you can hire: the gay-team.
When I was at dance school I took an IT contract during the break and got ‘outed’ as straight.
For some odd reasons, the entire team and around it were all quite conservative christians which is fairly unusual in NZ. They decided I was gay due to the dance school thing, and quite openly homophobic as a result, so it gave me some kind of glance into how it can be as it was constant. I didnt clarify things and just got on with the job.
After about a month they saw me with a female friend at lunch and decided I must be straight after all.
I’ve been doing some part time work lately. Today, the secretary came in to tell me that my wife was at the office ready to go to lunch, so between that and the wedding ring, I’m pretty sure I’ve outed myself as straight.
