Straight people, would you marry someone gay on purpose?

There was an article in Deseret News about same-sex oriented people who have deliberately married opposite-sex partners:

My first reaction is: Why would I willingly marry someone who is having to settle? (The article does not go into whether the people with the same-sex attraction may be bisexual, though I would think it hardly needs an article to point out that bisexuals can potentially happily marry opposite-sex partners.)

So, you have someone you really like, even love, and they are not attracted to your sex. Do you still marry them? I just seems like madness to me, but I know my viewpoints isn’t necessarily the only one out there.

Without reading the article (too lazy), I can easily think of a plausible scenario. For example, the gay partner is your good friend, easy to live with, and prefers to not be out. You, meanwhile, are either rather asexual, prefer to play the field, or have a long term relationship with someone you cannot avow either.

I thought this was going to be about marrying a gay immigrant friend so that they wouldn’t be deported. What’s described in the OP? No.

I have several gay friends…no, I would not marry them. I’m really big into monogamous sex over decades.

Marriage as a business partnership has been the norm over most of human civilization. There are many people, myself included, that would argue that is terms of stability and mutual self-interest, a better arrangement than choosing a life partner based on sexual attraction.

Only if I were desperate for health insurance or citizenship or something like that. Not just because.

I do know of such an instance - the woman married her brother’s lover so he wouldn’t be deported from the US. This was back in the late 1990’s long before SSM was legal anywhere here. The two men had been married in a European country where that was possible, then moved to the US.

It was also convenient in that the man married to the woman was then listed as next-of-kin to her two daughters, whose biodad was deceased. In the event something happened to mom they know who they would wind up with.

I think there may have been one or two other things that worked in their favor, but it’s been awhile and I don’t remember the details. All the adults were good friends (obviously) and it functioned to keep a non-traditional family together.

Considering that they’re interviewing Mormons who’ve done this, my guess is that the spouse believes their partner is otherwise a good match and that the partner is devoted to not “sinning” by engaging in homosexual sex. Therefore they are doing a very noble and Christian act by marrying that person and helping him or her get to the “best” version of the afterlife per Mormon theology (you have to be married, to another Mormon, to do this). Side guesses: terrible self-esteem (“this is the best I can do/no one else would have me”), general fear/loathing of sex (or asexuality) and thus fewer demands to perform sexually.


If she was rich, needed a beard and didn’t act too crazy…we could get hitched. However, it would be a financial transaction and not a substantial relationship.

In times past, I imagine this would probably have been more common. In those times, if a man was gay and wanted to have legitimate heirs, or if just being married were important for other reasons like public perception, marrying a woman and having a family would make sense. Similarly, it would make sense for a gay woman to marry and have a family, especially if her husband had more money or social status. Hell, neither would even have to be gay, as marriage for social or economic reasons wasn’t unheard of and, I don’t know how common it really was, but it seems as though it would have been “understood” if a man or woman in such a marriage may have an affair on the side. The only difference for a gay man or woman would be that that affair would have been with a same-sex partner.

For that matter, I guess I could see a reason for gay people to continue to enter into a straight marriage. Maybe they don’t want to be out or maybe they just feel like the social and legal complications aren’t worth it. For religious people, I could see it making sense as well, especially if they see the behavior as sinful, they don’t necessarily have to “not be gay” but they don’t have to necessarily be married to a person they’re attracted to have and raise a family.

As for whether I’d be willing to marry a gay woman, well, it would depend. After all, there’s more to a marriage than just the sexual aspect. Why would she want to marry me? I would possibly consider it if she were a good friend and it made sense in other ways with the obvious exception of mutual sexual attraction. But right now, I can’t imagine a set of circumstances where it would make sense from my perspective, at least in my current or foreseeable circumstances.

That article and project isn’t about gay men deciding to marry a woman because they want to, it’s about not being yourself because religion tells you to. Here is the stated purpose from their website

They aren’t trying to help, (well they probably think they are) they’re trying to force people to do what they tell them to.

Sorry, I’ve recently had some very bad experiences with family both on facebook and in person pushing this sort of religious agenda. I’m so sick of it.

I couldn’t think of doing it. What happens if you marry your gay friend and a year later you meet Ms. Perfect? How is that going to come off “oh, hey, by the way, I’m actually married to a gay friend of mine, but we don’t act married in any way, just live like roommates. Still want to come by to my place?”

I could understand why the gay person would agree to the arrangement (for social/religious/economic reasons), but unless that gay person was independently wealthy I would have a hard time wrapping my head around the straight person’s motivation.

I suppose it would beat marrying someone gay without realizing it.

If the gay person was sick and going to die tomorrow, and was rich and was going to leave me all his money, and I didn’t have to consummate the union, yes, and I would use every cent of
the money to do good works – it would be given to my church, a school where I volunteer, and other 501-C-3’s I support . . .

Most business partnerships are sealed with a handshake. Just sayin’…


Which is the major reason why men and women in many cultures do not shake hands (or other wise touch flesh) unless they are married or closely related.

In the cases I have witnessed, with both Mormons and 7th Day Adventists, where a gay man married a woman who knew about their “struggles”, they were all very devoted to their religious teachings and were sure that they would conquer this issue. Something to consider - I have always believed that being gay or straight exists on a spectrum. So, for someone who is nearer the middle of the spectrum, they may have a higher likelihood of success in these situations.

I would no more try to “save” them from this fate than I would want them to “save” me from whatever fate I fall into.

Also, I have known of a gay man who married a woman in order to have kids. He wanted kids, she wanted kids, she knew he was gay.

sure, why not, as long as I could still date on the side.

Count me on the ‘business partnership’ side: yes, I would. Though she would have to be at least modestly bisexual, and the marriage would have to be monogamous.