My brother has been dating his girlfriend for going on 10 years or so. They have been living together for at least seven years which would qualify them as married by common law in the state they live(I think). For what ever reason my brother does not want to get married and his SO agrees though from what I understand it took her awhile to agree with the idea. Anyway, they own a house together, buy cars and boats together and my brothers SO is now a part of the family.
What in the hell should I call her when I introduce her to people? I am going to ask my brother when I get a chance but I am stumped on this one. Girlfriend seems wrong because they will be together forever. SO sounds PC. I can’t call her my brothers wife since they aren’t married.
I would go with “girlfriend”. It’s your brother’s weird (or, I should say, “difficult to explain”) life situation, not your’s. Don’t sweat it, it’s not really your problem. The word girlfriend is adequate, unless he informs you that he’d prefer something else.
I have cousin who has been living with the same man for over 40 years, same sort of arrangement.
He is introduced as “her boyfriend”, “Tom” (not his real name), “the couple Tom and Laurie” (not her real name, either), “Her finace Tom”, and sometimes “Her husband [frantic whispered explanation with slightly scandalized look]”
I’d ask the parties involved how they want to be referred to.
I call my brother’s girlfriend my sister in law when talking about her - it helps people place her in the scheme of things, and is all they need to know if it’s just a mention of her. When talking about her in other situations, I will explain that they aren’t married yet. I also refer to my mother in law’s partner as her husband even though he’s not. It’s just easier.
Ask her if she’d mind being introduced as your sister in law if you feel comfortable doing that.
If the couple in question doesn’t mind, I’d use sister-in-law, because, while technically inaccurate, if your aim is to convey her standing in the family, it fits the best. Hubby and I lived together for almost three years before getting married, and in casual situations, he always introduced me, or referred to me as, his wife, because though we weren’t married, that was the term that best coveyed the nature of our relationship.
I’d use sister-in-law talking about her to other people, but somehow to their faces, if you are introducing them and they stand right there, I’d say my brother’s girlfriend.
But like you said, ask them if it “bothers” them to heart, “sister in law”.
Just use her name without giving the explanation. Or, ask your brother what he wants you to say. Btw, what have you been saying all these years? Why is it just now an issue?
why not just say “this is my brother and some woman who’s been living at his house for years and yet they are not married, I’ve been meaning to ask him about it for some time, let’s see if he can give us all a satisfying answer.”
My husband proposed to me because “wife” was easier than “shameless hussy he shacked up with”
I call my husbands “step father who isn’t married to his mother and was never part of my husbands childhood” my psuedo father in law. Sometimes people ask what in means and I say he isn’t married to my mother in law and was never a step father to my husband, but to me he is my father in law. (Actually, they are married now, but since he isn’t my husband’s dad, it hasn’t made the explaination any easier).
Unless your brother has a problem with it, I’d use sister in law - which sums up her relationship with you. (Sister-ex-law is my ex-husbands sister). The legalaties of the situation are their business.
Before my Dad & Stepmonster got married, they’d lived together & co-owned a house for about 10 years. He always referred to her as his “Sweetie”, and her mother was his “Mother-Out-Law” and they used a similar term when referring to respective siblings.
I agree with masonite. I’d avoid this minefield at all costs. If someone asks you what the relationship is, I’d simply tell them without giving it a label or implying any judgment about the situation.
