The other day I was at a restaurant with a few workmates and was feeling fairly happy and sociable when suddenly I was overcome with a Strange Random Wave of Impenetrable Sorrow. It wasn’t a feeling of tearfulness or depression, and I didn’t feel stressed or overly emotional – it was just as if everything had suddenly been turned upside down and seemed wrong. It only lasted a second and afterwards nothing remained of the feeling, which is why I’m having a little trouble explaining it.
I’ve experienced this a number of times when with lots of other people – never alone or with my boyfriend – and this time, when I felt it coming, I made sure to check that no one had said anything sad, or that I suddenly felt self-conscious or something. Nothing – it was completely random. Boyfriend reckons it may have to do with the depressing effects of the glass of vino that was involved, but it seemed to sudden for that.
Has anyone had the same? Can anyone explain it? Am I just overanalysing as usual??
The brain is a strange and complicated thing. I doubt you’ll ever know exactly what causes your waves of impenetrable sorrow, I’d just chalk it up to random fluctuations in levels of various neurotransmitters that affect your mood. And I definitely wouldn’t worry about it, especially since it doesn’t last long, and nothing remains of the feeling when it’s over.
I’m generally a very optimistic person. But I know your feeling exactly! If I retrace my mental steps, it’s usually due to a phrase someone used, a scent, something I saw that reminds me of something upsetting. Either way, generally there is a kicker that gets me somber.
Mind if I ask what you think about when you feel the sorrow? Anything specific? Past failures, love gone wrong, the plight of man, the rainforest, overdue library books?
The only thing I can lend is that when I drank I got them regularly, and even now, I can guess what set me off by what I’m thinking about.
Thanks for the replies! As soon as I submitted, I had a horrible thought the thread would sink like the proverbial.
Yeah, that’s the thing, it didn’t come from anywhere; I was quite happily listening away to someone’s conversation thinking of nothing in particular otherwise. And it wasn’t a big thing, more a subtle weirdness coming over everything.
I like the idea of scents. Since I was in a restaurant maybe there were lots of smells going on, and something triggered it. Weird though.
The thing is (and this is going to sound very very pretentious), there’s a kind of precedent in a certain type of literature, particularly your Restoration type, when the poet or writer or whatever is in company and feeling as jolly as hell when all over a sudden he’s overcome with a sense of mortality or whatever and can see the skull beneath the skin, kind of thing. That’s what it is. It feels very philosophical.
Hey, I thought I was the only one this happened to. It would happen randomly, and I couldn’t trace it to anything. I would suddenly feel such an intense loneliness, emptiness, like everything inside had just died, and then it would pass. It only ever happened with lots of other people around, and it only happened very rarely. I can’t remember the last time it happened - must have been years and years ago.
Random sidenote: when I eat caraway seeds of any sort, or anything that tastes like caraway seeds (but must still be in seed form), I get a small hit of SRWOIS. Now I stay away from rye bread.
Well, I only mentioned it because there is a certain perfume that reminds me of a night a long time ago… I won’t mention what because they may still make it. I can never forget the smell, though, and always feel the same way. What can I do? I would probably feel worse if I didn’t feel that way, I guess.
SRWOIS - now that’s an acronym that’s going to puzzle people. (username=Sir Wois)
I’m surprised that so many people have experienced this phenomenon. I can’t say that I have. The closest I’ve come is a sudden deep-seated certainty that there is nothing after death that once came while I was delivering a pizza, hurrying, and trying to find an apartment number at the top of a set of stairs with no working lights. I could try to convince myself that I just didn’t feel the sorrrow because I was so rushed, but I’m not sure I’d buy it. It did just come out of nowhere, though. My reaction was a mental ‘not now, not now, I’ll think about it later, look for the number’. Haven’t forgotten it after twenty years, though.
I get that sometimes because I think I am afraid of showing my emotions or really letting go into them. As soon as you are really happy it means you won’t be happy again sometime soon, that nothing happy ever lasts.
I am not able to experience real sorrow either because it degenerates into panic as I believe I will never feel better again, that sorrow and loss will overcome me.
Interesting how I believe happiness fades but sorrow is forever.
And the smell of basements and turpentine give me an unbearable feeling of sad nostalgia. I torture myself by smelling them to feel the feeling, while knowing I shouldn’t put myself through it.
**gigi **may be on to something… I often feel really down after being really happy or contented and it might stem from not knowing if or when I’ll feel that way again. Not to say my life sucks, because it doesn’t, really, but it *is *incredibly boring with no much stimuli.
Oh my god, totally. Out of nowhere, no trigger at all. It’s an extremely physical sensation of… the whole world being wrong somehow. Just… not right. I can’t explain it. It’s like I get this weird objectivity.
I’ve had one therapist suggest it’s some kind of epilepsy, and others were completely unable to explain it.
Oddly enough, I often think I’m thirsty when it happens.
What’s depersonalization? So far, most of what people are talking about sound like they can actually trace it to something. For me, the full blown feeling comes rarely, but always spontaneously, at least as far as I can tell. It’s just this sudden feeling of vast emptiness. Like I’ve been hollowed out of anything good and bright. It’s not a sensation of my sudden mortality, or a fear that I might not be happy again, it’s a complete emptying of everything inside of me. Like I said before, caraway seeds get close to it for me, but it’s like a small taste. It really is a horrible sensation. Fortunately, it usually only lasts a few seconds, maybe a minute at most.
audiobottle, I so am going to get me a load of caraway seeds to see what happens. Isn’t it weird how doing something physical can bring about such a different emotion? This is the problem with clinical depression, I suppose.
I think you and LaurAnge have really hit on what it is. If it’s related to epilepsy, maybe its a kind of depressive version of the sensation people get when they suddenly feel at one with the universe (I forget the same of the disorder, but it’s related to epilepsy).
If depersonalization is the thing where you stare at the stars and wonder about why there’s human life in the universe, blah blah blah, it’s a bit like that.
Thanks again for the replies, and CynicalGabe… crikey, I hope you life really isn’t like that.
The thing is I’m not depressed. In fact, the only time I was ever depressed was when I had been dumped by my girlfriend for my best friend back in 10th grade, and that lasted only a month or two. I’m actually a very happy person. But those caraway seeds… ugh. Those, and celery, I avoid like… well, like I’d avoid SRWOIS. Celery is just a matter of taste though. No weird effects with that, other than nausea.
Just wanted to say I’m really grateful for this thread. I was thinking I was the only one who experienced these… as far as I can tell, they are completely random.
Here’s a site about depersonalization. I can really identify with Ron’s experiences, which are detailed about 2/3rds down the page. I’ve never smoked pot, though. I think it would probably get worse if I did; I already spend too much time in this state.
