I say “inexplicably,” knowing that the world in general and most people’s lives in particular provide enough reasons to feel sad, but I mean just a sort of heavy, weighty, draggy, almost *physical *sadness that envelopes you like a comforter full of cold bricks that offers no comfort. Like the dawn will never come (literally or figuratively), things will never be better, and what things are okay will likely deteriorate, and soon, possibly before breakfast.
Then you go back to sleep, and when you do wake up in the morning, it’s not so bad. The dogs want to go for a walk (to them every day is Saturday), a cup of coffee sounds good (and smells good, if you have a programmable coffeemaker), and there’s an email saying this morning’s meeting was cancelled (YAY!).
What is it about the hours between 2 and 4 a.m. that sucks all hope from the soul?
*
<sigh>*
[Bonus questions: What is the subject of the previous sentence, and should the verb be “suck” or “sucks”?]*
Don’t myself, experience much of this particular thing – but am aware that it is, and has long been, a commonly-found by many, part of the human condition.
Brought to mind, a haunting verse from Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey / Maturin historical novels, set some two hundred years ago –
“When the bells justle in the tower,
The hollow night amid –
Then on my tongue, the taste is sour
Of all I ever did.”
“I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.”
Aubade, by Phillip Larkin
I know it isn’t really the kind of sadness you are talking about, but you are clearly not alone at experiencing depressing feelings early in the morning.
Subject of sentence, I think, is “hours” so it should be “suck”.
As for the feeling, I don’t get that so much any more. I think it stopped about the time I retired and started enjoying my life. Not being required to go to a job has proven to be a much better cure for my depression than either therapy or pills. (I almost said “not working” but I do still work, just not for pay and on my own schedule.)
ETA: forgot to say, if you get a cat who will curl up next to you and purr in your ear when you wake in the night, the sadness will disappear. No one can be sad when being purred at.
Yes, ThelmaLou, I sometimes do. Less so now than before I moved to the mountains and away from the ‘rat-race’ existence. I find it accompanied by a panic reaction at times. Quite disturbing, but apparently not uncommon.
And the subject of your final sentence appears to be ‘it’, so ‘sucks’ is correct.
“it”—“sucks”
What you described is how I feel a lot of the time. Sometimes I start to cry shortly after getting up, but that doesn’t happen every day and some days are alright.
It just occurred to me that people who haven’t offed themselves aren’t called “depression survivors.”
Wonder what color the ribbon would be
Are you taking any sleeping pills, prescription, non-prescription, or “natural” sleep aids? These can cause a feeling of sadness, etc. upon wakening. In addition, I recently read that melatonin may not be that great, as apparently there are studies that it can disrupt serotonin levels, (which are the chemicals that make us feel good).
Thanks for these thoughtful replies. It is a bit of a relief to know I’m not alone, but I’m sorry others are similarly afflicted. Maybe I should try writing poetry at that hour.
I do sleep with my two dogs. I don’t let the two cats in the bedroom at night, because they don’t stay put. (I nap with them.) I don’t take any kind of sleep aids. I’ve had this nocturnal existential angst since I was a little kid. I’d wake up and read comic books until I’d see the sky getting light, then I could go back to sleep.
This happens to me, too. If I wake too early, I end up alone with my own thoughts for too long, and that is not good. I do keep pen and paper on the bed stand as writing stuff down keeps me from worrying about forgetting something. The problem is I think I should be asleep, and then I start focusing on that, then it is a slippery slope to everything else that is wrong with me and my life.
Yes, I do. But a slight difference for me is I feel this way when I wake it, be it in the middle of the night or in the morning. It gets better as the day progresses, though.
Not so much recently, but I have before. I think it’s probably pretty common, you’re tired and fatigue makes you feel vulnerable. A friend of my mother once said something along the lines of “nobody ever woke up thinking good thoughts in the middle of the night.” I try to remember that when I wake up like that, that it’s a fairly common and normal experience.
Has happened often to me, but now not so much. When I would wake up in the dead of the night, all the grief I had ever experienced would come surging out. I usually would also be dreaming, and crying in that dream. Usually the sadness would be gone in a few minutes - exposure to a bright light has helped me - but some of it would linger for hours.
I cant explain it; maybe it has something to do with a depressed brain consolidating its memories during sleep. Maybe the brain is carefully storing away its stash of negative emotions to throw at you later during the day.
Curiously, when I suffered through this phenomenon, I also experienced another: waking at night and finding myself completely unable to move. Usually that resolves within minutes, too. No idea if they are related in any way, though.
Anyone else? This is the sentence:
What is it about the hours between 2 and 4 a.m. that sucks all hope from the soul?
It’s not a great sentence. That we can all agree on. BTW, this was not a trick question. I really wasn’t sure. .
I think the subject that goes with sucks is that, but what I couldn’t figure out was if the antecedent of that is what or hours. Now I’m thinking it’s “what…that sucks…” Because if I say, “What is it about this sentence that MAKES me crazy?” it’s clearly a singular verb.
Mandala, I’ve read about that thing where you can’t move, but haven’t experienced it. Sounds a little scary.
“What” is the subject. You can rewrite it by replacing “What” with a noun phrase (or pronoun).
It is something about the hours between 2 and 4 a.m. that sucks all hope from the soul.
So what is sucking all hope from the soul? Not the hours between 2 and 4. It’s the missing noun phrase that you’re asking about.
This sentence is confusing because “the hours” and “something about the hours” sound like the same thing. But I think the subject is the something about the hours and not just the hours themselves.
"Have you ever heard of the hour of the wolf? My father told me about it. It's the time between 3:00 and 4:00 in the morning. You can't sleep, and all you can see is the troubles and the problems and the ways that your life should've gone but didn't. All you can hear is the sound of your own heart. I've been living in the hour of the wolf for seven days, Lyta. Seven days. The wolf and I are now on a first-name basis. In times like this, my father used to take one large glass of vodka before bed. To keep the wolf away, he said. And then he would take three very small drinks of vodka, just in case she had cubs while she was waiting outside. It doesn't work."
—Susan Ivanova, Babylon 5.