WhenI first awaken I am really really depressed…passes after a maximum of 20 minutes and I have a good day. I’ve always been this way, and looking on the net, it seems like a lot of other people have lousy moods when they first wake up. I don’t take an RX or rec. drugs, big drinker or anything…I’m not a depressed person overall. I have always just accepted that this is a ‘biological thing’. My husband is a ‘happy morning person’ and believes that my ‘down in the morning mood’ is a psychological issue, symptom of supressing emotions etc. Also, if I happen to open my mouth in the morning, often things just come out negative—it’s hard to deal with for him. I guess my question is twofold
A-Is this a common biologically based experience that healthy people have happen?
B-How can a crabby morning person learn to be less crabby for the people they love?
Coffee is highly recommended. I myself am not a morning person at all; luckily I have found an evening job that accommodates my internal schedule. If I have to wake up before noon I am just a total crabby patty for a while. If you can’t work around waking up so early, or if you’re always cranky regardless of what time you wake up, try coffee. Or maybe your alarm clock sound is stressing you out and you could try a new one.
I think I’m a pretty emotionally healthy person, and I have troubles with mornings. The first five minutes of my day are basically “OMG this is terrible, today is the worst day ever, grrrrr…” Then I wake up a bit and things are fine. I think it’s a transition thing. It’s just jarring for me to go from one state to another, and it takes me a minute to realize that things are okay.
Just noticing this fact really helped me. Whenever I get grumpy, I can remind myself that it is just an irrational thing that I do in the morning. If I have some reason why I need to feel good in the AM, I’ll set up something for me to look forward to- the makings of a special breakfast or something. If wake up looking forward to something, i feel a lot better.
You could try light therapy, especially in the form of a light alarm clock. It’s a type of sunrise simulator–it gradually wakes you up rather than jarring you awake like a normal alarm, which can lead to a bad mood.
When I wake up the very first thing I think is always the same: “whoa this is crazy, this makes no sense. how can anything exist? This is bizarre and surreal… and this is all there is and I am going to die.” I kid you not. It’s been that way since I was a kid. But this lasts less than a minute, and the rest of the day I can mostly ignore my existential drivel.
Oh, and yeah, I also hate waking up early. Not an early riser. And I loooooooove my morning coffee.
Years ago I heard someone talking on the radio about good sleep hygiene and how to wake in the morning. He stated that until your body had experienced some natural sunlight it doesn’t really get going. I started going to sleep with the vertical blinds angled so that I get sunlight on my face in the morning. I get up and brush my teeth in front of the open bathroom window with the light on my face. I soon got into a rhythm where I was waking feeling alert and well rested, instead of more tired than when I went to bed.
I also find that meditating, even American meditating helps to start the day on the right foot.
As a person who wakes up each day with a beautiful, kind, funny and loving spouse who often suffers from the same issues, I welcome all answers. When Mrs. FML wakes up, she is often anxious, grumpy, and feeling rushed (even if there is nothing on the schedule).
It is often very hard and scarey to communicate with her when she is having a difficult morning, and even the simplest talk can lead to a day loing argument.
Its frustrating, because I love her with all my heart, and after a lifetime of searching, she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, except for the first 15 minutes of a few mornings each week… actually even then, I want to be with her, as long as the Kevlar Body Armour/Pajamas hold out.
So, I will follow this thread with interest, and hope to see suggestions and strategies from both the grumpy wakers, and the one who wake up with them.
And, welcome aboard, Void1967… I hope you brought pie, and the squid will be ready for your induction ceremony, as soon as it gets back from its New Year’s Sequin Refit!
I wake up alert and not grumpy/cranky, but just sad sad sad and depressed. I wake up with the thought, Oh God another day to slog through." Coffee doesn’t help. Having something to look forward to helps- doesn’t have to be big- lunch with a friend, getting a book from amazon in the mail, a class I like. I guess I need a reason, however small, to get out of bed and go on living.
I have had problems getting out of bed most of my life, and each new period of consciousness is often slow to develop. Sometimes when I have something really important to get up for that fact will be consciously available right as I wake up, but usually waking up puts me into a state where I’m unsure of reality other than the fact that my bed is extremely comfortable. I used to spend 12 hours or more per day in bed, and feeling tired and exhausted all day despite that, until I started taking Adderall. My alarm jolts me into a state where I know I need to take my medication, but usually my bed is still too comfortable to get out of until the drug’s effect reaches a certain level. It’s usually about the same time every day that I finally decide “I need to get out of bed”, and I’m down to 9-10 hours a day in bed.
There was one time (when the problem was really bad) that my mother must have woke me up at a particularly bad time of my sleep cycle as I was unable to think or say anything at all. I opened my mouth to try to say something, but I had absolutely no idea what to say - I couldn’t even say “I’m having trouble talking/thinking” - and sat there opening and closing my mouth waiting for words to come to me.
This thread is fascinating, and quite eye-opening. I’m one of those wake-up-ready-to-go sorts, and Mr. Mallard is more like the OP. Does anyone know what causes this difference: does it run in families? Is is genetic, environmental, cultural, all of the above, unstudied?
Also, what is normal? Does significant fraction of humanity consistently wake up depressed / in a bad mood, or only a small minority? (Alternatively, I could ask the same about waking up neutral-to-happy.)
Maybe it’s not your problem but I used to have really, really bad mornings just like you describe. Then I started going to bed a little earlier so I got an extra half hour to hour of sleep and the difference is huge. I’m still not a morning person at all, but now I’m just…slow… in the morning rather then depressed and grumpy.
Everyone needs different amounts of sleep. Maybe you just need a little more then the standard 8 (or 7, or 6, or whatever your average person gets these days).
The morning is a terrible time to be awake. I can’t stand Happy Morning People. They think it is their job to try to convince you that you should be happy with them, and if you are not, then there is something wrong with you. Furthermore, if you don’t change, you will never get anywhere in life, be productive, etc.
I am pretty sure that something is wrong with them, not us.
I’ve only been like that in the last couple of years. It doesn’t seem to be from lack of sleep; on weekends if I stay in bed and fall back asleep to wake up later …same problem.
With me, I strongly suspect it’s associated with anoxia from snoring. (If you’re certain that you do not snore, it’s time to set up some audio recording to see whether you’re wrong.)
I’ve found that it helps to spend the first half-hour to an hour after I wake up doing something I enjoy and look forward to. For me, it’s doing crossword puzzles and listening to music. For someone else, it might be reading or playing a video game or exercising or eating something yummy or going online or watching something fun on TV.
I have to say the aspect of ‘something to look forward to’ is the easiest thing to shoot for and set up the night before…generally the ‘looking forward is a to-do list, and a coffee on the run’. A bowl of fresh fruit, my favourite CD, something positive would rub off on my teenage boys as well.
IT IS NICE TO KNOW THAT I’M NOT ALONE!!
Light is an issue where I live (Edmonton, Alberta, Canada) there are times when we get up in the dark and come home from work in the dark, and this can really get a person down. Light therapy sounds like a great idea.
There is also something to be said about simply accepting yourself. Thanks:)
I like beer and burgers as much as the next guy, but I have come to realize that the only way I’ll wake up with a spring in my step is if I consume zero alcohol, lots of green leafy vegetables, and no sugary snacks or red meats. Any time I break that diet regimen, even with a single alcoholic dring, I am a zombie all the next day. I don’t relish the strictness of it, but with twin toddlers in the house, sleeping until 9AM and taking a 2-hour nap in the afternoon isn’t an option in my life anymore.
Recently I’ve been walking and listening to audiobooks.