Strange Talents

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have a strange, semi-useless talent. I can open any jar or bottle no matter how tightly the top is screwed on it. Got a stuck pickle jar? Bottle of beer refusing to open? I can take care of that for you. I have yet to find something that needs to be opened that I can’t take care of on the first try. My boyfriend goggled when I opened a jar he deemed permanently stuck and my roommate was floored when I opened a bottle of juice she had decided was so stuck that it would have to be opened with a knife.

I could have had a natural ability to sing or dance. I could have had a green thumb and grown beautiful vegetables and flowers. I could have been gifted with speed or grace or something else useful but nooooo, I get the bottle opening talent. :stuck_out_tongue:

So what totally useless thing do you know how to do?

2

I’m known for plunging toilets. I’m the first one called upon to fix these things. Everyone in my family calls me for this task, no matter if it’s day or night.
They always tell me that they have tried and tried, but they can’t get the toilet unclogged. Sadly, I can. I have never failed. Ever.
I think they’re lying, just because they don’t want to mess with it, and they know I’m a sap, and I’ll take pity on them. Apparently, I’m a dumbass. But, I’m good at it. I’m almost ashamed.

Life can be ugly sometimes.

3

I very easily pass for the opposite gender. So far, I have not found a legitimate use for this. Maybe I’ll enter a drag contest.

4

pbbth, not totally useless. Those of us who have arthritis and cannot open anything without help are thankful the world has people like you. I could not survive without my bottle and jar openers.

My useless talent: rescuing lizards. We have these adorable little lizards everywhere down here, and they’re always getting into the house. That’s when I get called on to get them outside. I also rescue bugs and stuff. Sometimes I’ll even put a spider outside.

5

Conversational wordsmith, for others. I regularly converse with some amazingly intelligent and creative people, but somehow - whenever they pause to search for just the right word or phrase to capture the thrust of their story - I chime in with a something they inevitably regard as “perfect”. Sadly, I cannot use this ability for myself.

6

I’m pretty good at finding lost items. I’ve also been told by a few different people that I find really interesting (in a good way) gifts.

7

While waiting for a train on the DC metro, I can choose a spot to stand on the platform so that I am right by the doors when they open.

8

I tend to get REALLY good parking spots. But only at restaurants. For some reason, no matter how crowded the place is, even when the people we are meeting there park 400 feet away, I always manage to pull in and get a spot right in front of the door. Nice, but not particularly useful.

9

I can twirl a drumstick incredibly fast.

10

You know the song “There’s a hole in the bottom of the sea”? I can sing it with astonishing speed and accuracy.

11

I’m really good at rolling my belly. What I’d really love to be able to do is raise one eyebrow in a quizzical manner.

12

I seem to have a talent at attracting animals. Even dogs and cats whom the owners will describe as “not liking strangers” will usually, and quickly, warm up to me. I can also get squirrels to come close to investigate. My wife calls it the “Small Animal Field”, and thinks it works on children under the age of 2, as well.

My wife’s talent is far sexier…she can stick the stem from a maraschino cherry in her mouth, and tie it into a knot with her tongue. :smiley:

13

Whereas most people seem to stop a little past their head, I can lock my hands and swing my arms behind to a full 360 degrees…well as much as 360 degrees goes from the front of my stomach to the back of my butt. As shown here. If that doesn’t do anything for me in the future at least I’ll have my mad paint skills to fall back on.

14

Knowing the name of ‘that guy, you know, from the movie with the thing?’

Just for one person, she doesn’t need to tell me the character name, plot or anything other than the sentence quoted above and I will supply the correct name every time. Our other friends are amazed, and somewhat surprised that I can’t do this for them - or remember names that* I* want to know.

15

Nice boobs!

16

I can do this. I decided when I was four I wanted to (I saw a grumpy old man do it in a Starburst commercial) and taught myself how.

My useless talent is Not Being Squeamish About Dead Mice, so around here I am the Designated Mousetrap Emptier. Yay.

17

I can move through crowds, swiftly and silently like a ghost.

18

I have an amazing talent for pausing any given DVD just at the right moment when the actor is mid-sentence and has their mouth open or their eyes closed, or both, so they’re making a weird face.

19

I have the uncanny ability to make people laugh - sometimes fits of laughter - when I make serious statements.

20

After going through high school assuming I was just not funny, I went to college and found out that my random statements are actually hilarious. So that’s my strange talent, and pie crust is my not-strange habit.

I can’t give you pie crust, but here are some random statements:

“I’m not asleep, I’m doing head math.” (I dozed off while watching Zorro, and dreamed I was doing three digit subtraction. People said “Wake up.”)

“He does look kind of gerbil-y!” (The Goonies.)

“I was mostly telling Kyrie [a dog], who was looking doubtful.” (Covering for restating my position after it had already been accepted.)

All of those were said in my first month in Missoula, and they still get randomly quoted at me a few years later. There’s other stuff I’ve said since that still gets quoted, but those are the favorites.