Stupid Cat Tales

[Roadfood]

In my neighborhood, lives (so far) a cat that we just call Stupid Cat. This cat likes to lay down in the middle of the street. And he’s not the least bit afraid of those big, fast-moving things that occasionally move through his sleeping area (what humans call “cars”). Sometimes he ignores them, other times he will casually turn his head to look as one goes by, no matter how close it gets to him, but I’ve never seen him move out of the way. All cars must go around him. Fortunately for Stupid Cat, the neighborhood is an enclosed development with one entrance, which means that there are only a few, occasional cars on that street.

But I swear, I have never seen a dumber cat. Heck, we have a deaf cat who’s not afraid of the vacuum cleaner because she can’t hear it, but she still moves her butt out of the way of any large object that approaches her. Not Stupid Cat, though. “Oh look, a really big thing is coming straight at me; think I’ll look the other direction and see if there’s anything more interesting over there. Don’t want to move, though, too comfy.”

[susan_foster]

@Ms Macphisto

Well, I did once get to watch one of my parents’ cats try sneaking up on the other one…in the middle of the room. He did try hiding behind the food dish, which was about as effective as you’d expect. The other one gave him a withering “what do you think you’re doing?” glare and wandered off before he could be pounced on.

Wow. Is that first picture a housecat, or a baby tiger? Just so gorgeous. Want!

Susan

[Ms_Macphisto]

Heh. That photo gets that reaction a lot – and to think it’s one that I took after I’d dropped (ok, fallen on) my camera and cracked the LCD, and was just checking if it still worked! He’s a bengal, and is suspected to be the actual cause of the cougar sighting in the neighbourhood a couple of years back. To be fair, he’s generally reasonably bright, but he definitely has his moments…

[MadPansy64]

I feel I must apologize. I’m not sure to whom the apology should be directed, but I am oh-so-very sorry for something.

Batcat the Blind announced a disturbance in the Force about 90 seconds before Incerta the Stupid deposited a dead, damp, still warm mouse on my bare left foot. Gooshy food ensued!

It wasn’t on my pillow, I didn’t step on it while half asleep, it doesn’t stink, the carpet doesn’t need steamed, and I don’t see guts. I’m so proud of the her I could burst!

[gigi]

@maggenpye

I think they’d have been more appreciative if she’d left them on the linoleum in the kitchen rather than smearing them across the living room carpet. When visiting one time, I found a bird - in every room of the house :eek:
And, to be clear, it was all the same bird.

My friends’ dog Barry (RIP) was a black lab/dachshund mix so short and stocky. If he found a deer in the woods he would GORGE himself. And come home and throw up deer all over the living room rug.

[Elysium]

My Eliot is one of the stupidest animals I’ve ever met.

I seriously wouldn’t be surprised if he had brain damage. He is the runt of his litter, and originally we (I worked at the vet’s office and she brought him from a barn litter) thought he might have FIP. Nope, he just had TONS of worms that took 3 courses of de-worming to get rid of. He had that sad little swollen worm-belly. We now joke that those worms took all his brains away.

He was incapable of meowing for the first few months, instead he made the mouth motions and silently meowed at us. He learned to make “bloof” and “bleat” noises though and now that he’s a year or two old he runs around the house going “bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet” at himself. Also, he will walk into the room and go “boof boof bof boof” for a bit. It’s so stupid!

He doesn’t understand the simplest of directions, like ‘get off my lap.’ You have to physically remove him from your lap, at least 5 times in a row, before he gets it.

He licks everything, and then proceeds to chew on it. Feet, hands, toys, whatever. It’s lick—>chew.

He is scared of everything. The other day he walked into the living room and got scared by my husband’s computer. It’s been there for a long time, but he walked by it and suddenly jumped a foot into the air. Ok, sure Eliot, I bet it snuck up on you.

He eats everything. Plastic, food, bugs, vomit, whatever. He doesn’t care what it tastes like.

He also doesn’t understand when the other cats, especially Mina, the shy girl, don’t want to play. They have to hiss at and hit him for him to realize they’re tired of being pounced on.

Some choice pictures:
As a kitten
Silently meowing as Darth Eliot
Getting hit in the face by Mina
Making himself fit on a small windowsill
Even though he’s snuggly and cute and loves everyone he meets, he amazes me every day with his extreme stupidity.