Things I'd forgotten cats do.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

It’s been a number of years since I’ve owned cats, but I’ve had cats around the house for most of my life. Right now, I’m watching 2 cats for a friend. I’d kind of forgotten how strange they can be.

Watching me pee. Just sitting there, watching. Like I’m some kind of daytime TV.
Begging to be petted, and then flopping on the ground just beyond finger tip reach.
Middle of the night kitty crazies.
Twining between your feet, usually while your hands are full. They are trying to kill me.

What am I missing?

2

Not much. Their evil plotting goes on behind your back. And, never, and I mean never, be late for treat time.

3

The uncanny ability to identify whatever it is you need to focus on, whether it’s a book, a magazine, a pile of bills, or a computer. And then to sit squarely in the center of said book, magazine, bills, computer, whatever.

I have a new kitten about 10 weeks old, and she is already a pro at this.

4

The love for sitting on paper.

The innate need to stuff their favorite toys under a sofa, out of reach.

Wandering around the house in the middle of the night, “singing the song of their people.”

5

The love of a warm towel fresh out of the dryer. Mine come running to the dryer buzzer.

6

Do NOT, I repeat NOT, pet their bellies when they flop over all cute. It’s a trick. Get an axe.

7

If they walk around with a curl in their tail it means they are asking a question. Really. Like “does that dog ever shut up?” or “did you know I shed allover your white shirt” or “isn’t it treat time yet?”

8

An unholy love of boxes and paper bags.

9

And, then there’s the purr from across the room. It’s meant to get you to look at how pretty they are sitting in that sun spot. Don’t get up and go to pet them cause they will run off and soon as you do.
If this is oddly specific well, I have evil cats. What can I say?

10

Ursala Kitteh is sitting under the dining room table staring at the computer cord. Weird.

11

I had a new pair of shoes sitting next to an old pair of shoes. Guess which one the cat puked in.

Go on, guess!

12

The deep emotional need to unplug your cell phone while it is charging.

13

But there is one handy thing about having a cat: you will never lose your remote control.

Next time you need to look for it, just head straight for the cat sitting on the couch.
The remote is under her belly.

14

When I’m on the computer and the cat is wanting in at the back door, it’s about ten seconds to get up, walk to the door, and open it. Then it’s about two minutes to get back to the computer with all of the pauses for a cat cutting didoes. Once in a while we get out of synch and he catches one – usually an instep – right square in the ribs. Oomph! Doesn’t stop him, though.

15

All of them?

16

The kittahs have an innate ability to distinguish between the genuine $30 Apple charging cord and the $1 Chinese knockoff - and only chew through the expensive one.

17

A cat is always on the wrong side of a closed door.

18

And when you open said door, cat can’t decide if he wants to come in or not.

19

Aye, because the door is no longer closed, the cat is no longer on the wrong side.

20

They are underappreciated warriors, placed upon this Earth to topple the dominion of the evil water glasses. They will also defeat every mug, stein and cup, just in case.

Gravity is their weapon and their minion, imposing their sterile will upon one and all.

Victory, however, bores them; like Sisyphus, they continue about their endless task unrewarded.