Stupid Customer Stories.....

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

No, I believe dialup tech support IS hell. I did it for over 2 years. ::shudder::

I have over 10 years of phone support experience. I have heard it all. So much so that I don’t even really have “best of” stories because they all just sorta blur together.

One memorable one from when I worked for a DSL/webhosting/etc. ISP in California was the woman who called, all angry with us, because her laptop wouldn’t connect to the internet using her DSL. Luckily I knew enough to start with the obvious first–“Is the phone line connected to the computer?”

She sputtered at me and said in an exasperated tone of voice: “I don’t NEED a PHONE LINE… I’m using a LAPTOP.”

Confused, I asked her “…but you’re trying to use a DSL connection with your laptop. DSL uses your phone line.”

So she huffs indignantly: “I’m using a LAPTOP. So I don’t NEED a PHONE LINE, it’s WIRELESS.”

…what?

She was convinced that, because she had a laptop, she had no need to plug her phone line into it to use DSL because the “sales guy that sold me the laptop told me I could use it without it plugged in.”

TO THE POWER SUPPLY, YOU FEEB!

This went on for over 15 minutes, where she got very angry at me, because she bought a “useless” laptop.

God I hate tech support.

42

Years ago I working in the local grocery store.

At this time it was not common to get a fresh turkey for Thanksgiving. Unless you ordered one from your butcher a few weeks in advance you had to do what everyone else did and use a frozen one.

Thawing a turkey in cold water (the quickest recommended method) takes about 30 min per pound. Cooking then takes an additional 20 min a pound. So for a large group let’s say you have a 20 lb bird. Your gonna need about 10 hours to thaw it out and an additional 6 or so to cook it, that’s 16 hours.

So I’m happily stocking the shelves one thanksgiving about noon, whiling the time away till I the store closes and I get off at 2:00, looking forward to the feast my mom had prepared……….

When up walks a woman I’ll refer to as “Hysterical Nut Job” or HNJ©

HNJ asks me where we keep the turkeys. As I’m walking her over to the freezer I already know this is not going to go well. She asks where the fresh turkeys are and I explain the reality of the situation to her. We don’t carry them, no one in the area stocks them, you have to order one specially.

So back to the freezer we go. We pick out a bird, read the instructions, do the math and there you go. If you want turkey you’re going to be eating it at 4:00 in the morning.

This is when the hysterical part kicks in, she starts SCREAMING at me about the 25 people she has coming over at 3:00 and how they expect a full turkey dinner with all the trimmings and how she can NOT disappoint her new husband and all of her in-laws etc etc etc……

I tried to suggest turkey breasts, we have plenty of those & they don’t take long to make. This is completely unacceptable to HNJ and only serves to bring her wrath down upon me with greater vengeance. It MUST be a whole bird and it MUST be ready in 3 hours and she DEMANDS to know what I am going to do about it.

It is at this point that I relate to her in no uncertain terms just how seriously 16 year old boys take their part time jobs. As she prepares to unleash the full weight of her righteous fury, it sinks in. She realizes that she is quite screwed. In fact she could give Ron Jeremy a few pointers right now. Her only option left…………

fall on the floor in a quivering sobbing mess.

My only option left…………

clock out 2 hours early and go home to watch the game. After all, I’m 16, I don’t need this shit.

43

I didn’t know that either.

44

Beautiful! I’m wiping away tears here.

45

When I worked in a call center I had a customer who, when I told her my name, somehow heard me say “Inez”. No matter how many times I corrected her, she would continue to call me Inez. She thought I was great, and would call and ask to be transferred to Inez. It was a small call center, so everyone knew that she meant me. Inez.

My name is Meaghan.

46

I had similar experiences during my brief tour of duty in the deli/bakery. We had a thanksgiving special that was a whole, boxed, FROZEN thanksgiving dinner. It was a big turkey with all the traditional sides and trimmings in one box. We went to extraordinary lengths to let people know that this was a completely uncooked meal. They still had to do all the prep and cooking. When I say extraordinary, I mean saying it to the person at least four times and in some cases asking them to repeat it back. I thought it was excessive and slightly insulting to the customers because, unlike my coworkers, it was my first time dealing with the thanksgiving special.

As you all surely know, it was not enough for some people. There were some people who came in a half-hour before their scheduled meal time thinking that they were going to pick up a COOKED, STILL-HOT-FROM-THE-OVEN MEAL.

I still remember seeing the expressions on a young couple in their sunday finery. they were on their way to their family and had offered to bring the holiday meal with them. I shudder to think what they went through for the rest of the day. I felt really bad for them because they realized it was their mistake and didn’t yell or get mad at us. (That reminds me: if you’re the customer, yelling at the employee can only diminish their desire to help you. A lot of people could benefit from that lesson. )

On the other hand, it seems like such a deal (Complete, ready-to-eat holiday meal) would be quite a seasonal money-maker. Maybe someone should try it.

47

"When I was a travel agent, I had clients that wanted to keep one rental car and drive it between the Hawaiian Islands, drive from England to Ireland, "

Hate to tell you this but you can drive from England to Ireland (via the Hollyhead Ferry).

48

Inez, that’s a kind of weak rant, ain’t it?

49

I spent several happy years of my life working in a wonderful used book store. From time to time, we’d get customers who wanted to buy books as decorations so that they could pretend to be intellectual book-reading kinds of folks. These people usually wanted expensive-looking leatherbound volumes of classical literature, and they sometimes dropped a few hundred dollars in our little store, so we went out of our way to serve such customers.

Once a well-dressed middle-aged lady came in and asked for “about six feet of books.” Upon questioning, it turned out that she wanted to impress her in-laws by stocking her home’s bookshelves with hefty tomes. As usual, she wanted big leather classics. I steered her to the section of the store where such things were to be found. She yammered a bit about the content of the books, but the corker came when she picked up a copy of “Moby-Dick,” riffled through it, and said in a pensive tone of voice, “Hmmm. Moby Dick. I’ve heard of him. What kind of a guy was Moby Dick, anyway?”

I gave this some thought, and said “He was a large white guy, Madam.”

50

Yeh, I guess you’re right, Busta.

:smiley:

51

Is this a common practice? I’ve never seen such a thing…a checkout lane that’s obviously devoid of candy. I’ve definitely never seen a sign advertising it.

Shows how much I pay attention though. I was just thinking about the long rack of cigarettes that used to be over the conveyor belt in every checkout lane…they don’t seem to do that anymore.

52

I used to live in FL, and I used to work in retail too. So I have an understanding of the special Hell you speak of.

I did my time at the customer service desk (otherwise known as the “Bitching Booth”). I actually had a woman get quite irate with me because how DARE we have our hurricaine right before she came to visit. Didn’t we all know that we were RUINING her vacation???

Yeah, lady… we schedule those things ya know. And we planned that one just to piss you off. Oh, and sorry, hon: complaining to the person in a clothing store isn’t going to help you much. You need to find the people that run our big-assed weather making machine. :rolleyes:

53

In the late '80s I worked for a special events company that did corporate picnics, parties, weddings, etc. Some weekends we’d have 20 major events a day.

One company went all out for its employee picnic and we ordered llamas for kids to ride. The llama rancher with whom we sub-contracted would, of course, drive the llamas to the picnic site in a horse trailer.

On this particular day the rancher’s truck blew up on the freeway and he and the trailer full of llamas were stranded. I was running the operations logistics from the office and this picnic client went ballistic on me ("you’ve ruined the picnic for the children! Ruined, ruined, ruined!!!) She demanded that I go pick up a “couple of the llamas,” put them in my car and deliver them to the party (I had a Nissan Sentra). She refused to believe that a llama or two wouldn’t fit in my compact car.
She hung up on me and called back a few minutes later to tell me that she was borrowing someone’s Cadillac and would be down to pick up a llama :eek:
Anyway, no llamas ended up riding in the back seat of a Caddy that day!

54

Ah, yes, retail. I worked at a home center in receiving. We also ran the “cutting room” where customers could get things like keys, tubing, screen, etc., cut (duh). One day, the bell for the CR rang, and I went to get it.

Idiot Woman: “I need enough 1/4” copper tubing to go from my house to my chicken house."

Me: “Sure; how many feet do you want?”

IW: "You’re supposed to know that!

I forget what happened after that, but eventually she talked to my manager. He was still giggling when I saw him next.

Og bless you, Ronald Lee Robison, wherever you are!

55

I got some idiotic requests from customers back when I worked retail, but no one ever, ever ordered me to chauffer a llama. The mental image of the woman driving a Cadillac with a llama in the back is priceless. :smiley:

56

I love that story. It’s really beautiful. JAckass customers should always get that kind of service.

Two friends of mine were waitress and manager of a little mall bistro. A lady ordered a BLT and wanted fresh bacon not something from the pile that had been cooked that morning. No problem they alwats cook the bacon fresh. So friend waitress brings her BLT and she bitches saying she can tell it’s not fresh.

Yes Maam it is.

No it isn’t bring me a fresh one.

Yes Maam

2nd sandwich comes out. LAdy still complains it’s not fresh. Now friend manager comes out and asks if there’s a problem. LAdy complains about bacon not being fresh. Manager assures her it is. NAsty lady insists she knows better. Now the manager says " It’s obvious you’re not satisfied even though I’m sure your bacon is fresh, so my suggestion is you take your business elsewhere because we’re not making you another sandwhich." Nasty lady starts to complain but finally dishrag husband tells her to shut up and eat her sandwhich. Sheesh…

57

I assume you mean she didn’t have the web TV interface either but just thought she could get internet on her regular TV. Thats pretty funny. Technology was changing so faat that the average person did get confused about what was actually available. I worked at Circuit City and every couple of months some customer would ask me for a new technology that didn’t actually exist yet.

58

This afternoon while at the post office a woman was complaining to a clerk because the post office was out of 2 cent stamps. She said she didn’t want to throw away all of her 37 cent stamps. The clerk told her they had 1 cent stamps and she barked back at him that one cent stamps wouldn’t work, it would only be 38 cents in postage. He told her she can use 2 one cent stamps to get to 39 cents postage. She suddenly had that look of someone that had just made a complete fool of themself. When I got up to the counter I asked the clerk if that has happed much and he said at least every 15 minutes.

59

“I just got my puppy her shots a couple weeks ago, but she still has worms.”

“I saw worms in my cat’s poop, does that mean my cat has worms?”

“I think my dog is pregnant.” “We just spayed your dog last month, sir.” “But can’t she still get pregnant? That happens to people, you know. I’m sure she’s pregnant.” “Sir, I assure you, she’s not pregnant. She has no uterus or ovaries.” Long pause, and a sigh. “We’ll see.”

“Do you actually have to cut my dog open to spay her?” No, Doc will take her uterus out through her nose.

“My dog is scooting her butt across the carpet, she needs to be wormed.” No, she needs her butt scratched. When you scratch your own butt in the waiting room, would you like me to offer you a worm pill?

I have yet to hear one that can top the woman who called and asked for ways to tell if her cat was pregnant. She was told that the only way to tell at home was to feel the cat’s stomach, but if she wasn’t far enough along, she wouldn’t be able to feel anything, and would have to wait and see. The woman wasn’t satisfied with that, however, and said, “Here, let me hold the phone to her belly, tell me if you think she’s pregnant.” She could be heard in the background, “Do you hear anything in there?”
I still wish I could have seen the convenience store clerk’s face two years ago when I sent my idiot ex-boyfriend to get me some blinker fluid for the car. That was the most difficult straight face I’ve ever tried to keep.

60

Thats the part of grownups shopping in this country that I don’t understand. They seem to feel they have no responsibilities to ask questions and make sure they know before they buy. It’s always the salespersons fault for not telling them.

I sold a laptop to a guy who asked for 6 months same as cash. For my comapany that meant 6 months no interest with minimum monthly payments required. He assumed it meant no interrest no payment. Granted I didn’t specifically tell him and he didn’t ask. It does say it clearly on his reciept giving him a clear date when the first payment was due. Three months later he calls me to complain that he has a late fee and his perfect credit is now besmurched and it’s all my fault.

Sir I never told you it was no payment.

Well I certainly had that impression

That means you assumed it, and never asked me and I’m sorry I never told you specifcially.

Well now I have a late fee and my credit is affected.

Sir, when you got your first bill and it showed a minimum payment, why didn’t you question it then instead of waiting until you had a late fee?

Well I assumed they made a mistake.
{Is that irony?}

I’m sorry sir they didn’t.

You can bet I made the terms clear every time after that.