Stupid questions

Aren’t they green and the stores dye them?

Three questions you can never say “yes” to:

Are you dead?

Are you asleep?

Do you always lie?

Sagamartha, since it wasn’t Mount Everest.

What about…

Would you like to take this thermometer rectally?

I’m have a penis too, is that ok with you?

Ahem…wrong group of friends I suppose

In addition to what?

Funny, but my questions actually cannot truthfully be answered “yes,” while yours just evoke humor . . . or maybe that’s the point :slight_smile:

At any rate, try telling someone you’re asleep. Better yet, try telling them you’re physically dead . . .

Why do I sense a GD thread emanating from this?

Oh come now, I know you’ve seen THOSE kinda movies,

To quote Clerks, “The Best of Both Worlds?”

             "Yep...chicks with beautiful boxes, and                                                       dicks that put mine to shame."

              "You rented this?"

               "Hey I'm trying to broaden my horizons."

Sorry for the hjack

Try saying “yes” to “What time is it?”

You’ll probably get some odd looks.

Hmmm…what about:
What is an iceberg made up of? Asked during the Titanic hearings in the US. Fifth Officer Lowe said, “Ice, I suppose, Sir.”
But it wasn’t a stupid question, considering that icebergs are composed also of rocks and sand, according to Fourth Officer Boxhall.

The PowerBall lottery was up to a couple hundred million a while back, so I figured what the hell and bought a ticket. The day after the drawing, I show up to work and one of the guys that works midnights says, “So did you win?”

“Yeah, butt-munch. I won. That’s why I dragged my ass outta bed at 6am to drive across town at a whopping 5 mph when I wasn’t parked in a traffic jam and ran through the pouring rain because the only parking spot was 3 blocks away - just to come in to work and tell everyone in person that I won the lottery last night and I quit.”

Personally, I’d be willing to get up that early one more day. I wouldn’t drive, though. I’d have a helicopter take me, directly from my bedroom window, to my office building. I’d lower myself on a cable from the helicopter, which would be hovering above the building. From the cable, I’d take a hammer, and bust in the most convenient window using the pointy end. Then I’d take out an airhorn, and blast it into the bullhorn which I’d also be carrying. Finally, I’d yell “Viva la resistance!” and be carried back home by the helicopter.

Joseph sez:

But then they probably wouldn’t have called it an assassination… a murder or a killing maybe.

I’ve literally had hundreds of outside people at
work as me “Do you have a bathroom?” I’m here
for 8 hours a day. What do you think?

Sometimes I say “NO” just to see them wake up.

I just LOVE it when I answer my phone at work and the caller asks, “Is Sue (or whoever) there?” I reply, “No, I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.” And they respond with,
“Are you sure?”

I also had someone call looking for the payroll department the other day. I told her she had the wrong number. She requested the correct number. I told her I don’t have it. She very rudely said, “Well what are you good for then?” and slammed down the phone in my ear.

Love those people.

My favorite is “Do you work here?”

What clued you in? The fact that I’m wearing a shirt that has the company name on it? Or is it that I’m wearing this here back support brace? Or, could it be this name tag?

I wore my shirt one day to the local ToysRus and my shirt, being red, looked nothing like the blue vests worn by employees there.

Lady: Excuse me, but do you know anything about this game coming out for the dreamcast called ecco the dolphin?

Me: I’ve heard of it, and I’ve played the one for the Genesis years ago. I don’t know anything else about it.

Lady: Oh, don’t you work here?

Me: (Looks down at Office Depot name on shirt) Uh, no.

Lady: I’m so sorry, I thought you worked here…

As if that wasn’t bad enough…

I’m walking towards the check out line. I hear ‘Sir, SIR!’ so I turn around, maybe my ass was on fire or something…

Lady: Do you know anything about DIGIMON?

Me: NOPE!

She looked a bit ‘disgruntled’

She actually was behind me in line when I checked out, and the first lady was in front of me. I told Lady #1: Hey, you weren’t the only one that thought I worked here. “Oh, good, I don’t feel so bad now.”
Lady behind me doesn’t say anything when she gets there, but her little daughter holds up a toy and says, “How much is this?” “Not you too!!!” I said. She looked confused.
I noticed some micromachine starwars toys in her cart and asked where she got them. “There 97cents over in the front.” So I went, and I think she realized that I didn’t work there at that point.

Don’t get me started on the people that call in to work asking for some tech support…they really don’t pay me enough…

A [female] friend of mine is engaged to be married and asked me [male] to be her best man.