That’s basically been my response to BigT every time he harps on me in this thread.
I had a guy like that on Facebook, who would eviscerate anyone who came close to disagreeing with him on any sort of social justice issue (except women, because feminism). He was way more full of rage than BigT, but the same general concept in that he couldn’t stand my propensity to try to understand alternative points of view. Not immediately dismissing conservatives out of hand was, in his view, a betrayal of my principles.
I said, ''You know, I’m trying to have a constructive dialog, here, and I don’t think the vitriol strategy works very well. If you’re so concerned about these issues, why not use that privilege of yours to work on systemic problems within your own workplace or community?"
He said, ‘‘I’m a white guy living in Silicon Valley. This is all I’ve got.’’
I said, ‘‘Look. If you’re so het up about your own privilege, do something with it. Have these difficult conversations in a way that doesn’t alienate people.’’
He said, ‘‘I can’t do that.’’
Whatevs. You know, I can’t change people like that. I can only do my own thing. I tried very hard to fit in with that culture, but I was miserable that way. I blamed myself for not being disruptive enough. It’s not my nature to think in such stark terms about things. My head is full of the complexity of reality and I can’t shake it out. I used to be utterly tormented by the mentality of that culture, their insistence that I had to be certain about everything, and if I wasn’t, I should keep my mouth shut. I’m full of doubt, and I’ve finally come around to the fact that’s a strength.
I get that not everybody thinks like me about how to approach the same issues. But I am pretty resentful when people imply I’m being harmful just for being honest about my doubts and frustrations. It’s totally dismissive of my life’s work. I just get that sense of tribalism in more positive ways. Like staff training today, with the satisfaction of knowing I was in a room full of people who shared my values, who validated the injustice of my trauma, and who were all working to improve our little corner of the world. We didn’t spend five hours excoriating the right, we spent five hours focused on pretty concrete issues pertaining to LGBTQ folks accessing services at our organization. If for some reason those folks don’t feel comfortable accessing our services, it isn’t the bigoted conservatives that failed them – it’s us. We are the ones tasked with inclusivity and acceptance.
Shit can go totally off the rails, policy-wise, and it shouldn’t change who we are. When trauma psychologist Viktor Frankl was in the concentration camps, he noted that the most resilient people were the ones who stuck to their values and found meaning in their suffering. One example he gave was a starving man sharing bread with another starving man. Because… because…
[QUOTE=Viktor Frankl]
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
[/QUOTE]
Things aren’t nearly that bad in this country, yet so many of us are rolling over and abandoning who we are because these are ‘‘desperate times.’’ No, I won’t do it.
My job always gives me perspective. We aren’t as helpless as we think to make real and lasting change, and I do think the outrage on social media comes from a sense of helplessness. I’m beginning to get the sense that the people who totally fly off the handle are trying to overcompensate for their lack of action in their daily lives, because they do feel helpless. I don’t need to yell at people on the internet to be secure in my values. I mean, it happens because sometimes I’m cranky and sometimes people are being assholes. But I’m so much happier just being me.
You know, this is my favorite thread on the boards these days? I avoided it for a long time due to the inflammatory title, and people keep wandering in here apparently assuming it’s a bunch of conservatives and one-sided bitching about liberals. But it’s actually been one of the most interesting and thought-provoking places on the boards, full of plenty of disagreement and lively discussion and (for me, at least) learning. I think some people are on this board to fight ignorance, and some people are on this board to fight their own ignorance, and some of us recognize that for everything, there is a season.