Stupid Sports Team Names

I live near Little Rock, Arkansas, and in the capitol city, we have the great fortune of having both the Arkansas School of the Blind and Arkansas School for the Deaf. Now, the School for the Deaf supports a sports program which includes football. I assume this is so due to the very large football field which one can see while driving past on Markham Street. In fact, you can get such a good view of the field that you can read the scoreboard with the school and mascot name written and illustrated upon it. What is the mascot for the Arkansas School for the Deaf? Why, it’s the Leopards.

My inner 80s teenager giggles like mad every time we drive past. I have often wanted to go to the office at the school and ask if they realize…

What gets me is the compulsion to shorten the name of all teams down to one syllable. I was taken aback when visiting my cousing in Ohio to hear that his preferred sports team was the Calves. Turns out that’s what they call the Cavaliers.

Then there’s the case of the sportscasters who refers to the Cardinals, the Orioles, etc., as “the Birds.” It’s not that hard to pronounce three syllables, is it?

There used to be a minor league hockey team: the Macon Whoopee

Good times.

I wasn’t exactly the jock type back in the day so I didn’t keep close track of such things. There is a pool on campus so I assume there is a water polo team. The football team was awful in the early 80’s but pro quarterback JP Losman went to VHS so they must have improved.

My dad’s high school was the John Marshall Lawyers. Weak.

Red Bull New York. Its just too blatant. (And I thought they couldn’t get worse than the Metrostars)
I don’t know if these are stupid names, but they always make me smile

The Cedar Rapids Kernels (complete with ear of corn mascot, Mr. Shucks)

Hickory Crawdads, Hickory NC.

Many would find going up against a bunch of lawyers to be way more scary than say a cougar or a bulldog.

Cary, North Carolina was recently awarded a minor-league soccer franchise. Even after holding a contest, the best they could come up with was the mythical “RailHawk”, which apparently strikes fear in the hearts of train conductors everywhere.

I give you the Whittier Poets, from Whittier College in college which I believe is the Alma Mater of Richard Nixon.

I meant Whittier College in California.

No it’s not, it’s a reference to the American Royal, an annual livestock show/Rodeo held in Kansas City.

I also think that when naming teams, people should take into account what they sound like, rather than just what they look like. “Philly” is a nickname for Philadelphia. “Fillies” (which is what “Phillies” sounds like when spoken) are young female horses. Whenever I hear it, I get this image of My Little Ponies (complete with flowing pink manes) cavorting around in baseball caps.

Coulda been worse.

I went to Culver City High. Home of the Centaurs. The strength of a man and the brains of a horse. Or something like that.

My step-sisters were cheer leaders at Culver. The centaur has a man torso and a horse body so the brains of a man and …um… other attributes of a horse. Actually a pretty good combination.

I won’t argue with that one, but as long as we’re talking MLS, can we all agree that “Real Salt Lake” is just ridiculous?

You don’t get much more dumber than the Watersmeet Nimrods.

We have two nearby high schools with names to fit the OP.

The first is a Catholic school with the “Lady Bishops.” Maybe someday that won’t be so weird.

The other, though, is doomed to weirdness. The “Ceramics” and the “Lady Ceramics.”

My eyes glaze over when I think of those slips of girls mugging for the camera…

Considering there is nothing royal about Salt Lake City, it is sort of absurd.

A lot of the MLS names were pretty stupid: Kansas City Wiz, Columbus Crew, the MetroStars. DC United didn’t sound all that bad, but just missed the point of why teams were called ‘United’ in England. I am glad the league is doing better, but they did a lousy job with naming the teams.

Young Boys of Berne (Swiss football)
Thailand Tobacco Monopoly (Thai football)
Accra Hearts of Oak (Ghanaian football)

Here you go.

The national Rugby League competition in Australia is called the NFL - a direct copy from the USA, and so are some of their new team names:

the **North Queensland Cowboys **(we don’t have cowboys here. We have jackaroos, drovers, station hands, roustabouts, but not cowboys. Copied from the Dallas Cowboys I assume)
the Brisbane Broncos (why use the US word for untamed horse? The equivalent Australian term Brumbies would have worked perfectly well)
the Canberra Raiders (copied from the Oakland Raiders I assume)
the Melbourne Storm (yes, the weather is bad in Melbourne, why do you ask?)
the Newcastle Knights (we got rid of the Imperial Honours list over 30 years ago)

IMO they are trying to dissociate the team name from any specific locale to make it easier to move them when appropriate.