My “Wela” raised me (that’s grandmother in spanish baby talk) and she was very old world.
She told me, and actually believed, that I would go crazy because I read too much. Do you think she ever read “Don Quixote”?
When I visit my parents at Christmas, my mom still does the “I’m cold, put on a jacket” thing. It drives me NUTS!
My mother told me not to swallow my gum, because it would take 7 years to digest.
At one point my mom told me that the fireworks displays weren’t actually on July 4th, that they were on July 3rd. Absolutely insane. I’m glad I don’t remember much else of what she told me.
That you can’t see the dark side of a crescent moon…nonsense! everyone knows that it can be visible at times due to earthshine. sheesh.
Scottie, hi. How are you today? Could you climb this ladder over here and get that book for me? No, no, not that one. The one up there…on the top shelf.
Thanks. 
When my mom caught me going braless in the early 70’s she assured me that doing so would increase the chances of me getting raped. ok, so, I’ll be walking along and some guy will jump out throw me to the ground, tear open my shirt, see that I’m wearing a bra, apologize and help me up???
My mom flipped out when I listened to my first Beatles tape. She was clearly unhappy that her classically trained and raised daughter was slipping over into the world of rock n roll, and so she started yelling. One of the best things she came up with was “You’re supporting the drug industry by bying that stuff.” Funny, especially since I didn’t buy the tape. And since her logic is COMPLETELY STUPID. She has no recollection of this episode now, but I’m sure if I had taped it she would have laughed. Or maybe not… <sigh>
And that’s just one of a whole slew of stupid things…