Same here.
Telemarketer: Is this Mrs. Mazmdf[mumble] ?
Me: No, you have the wrong number.
Telemarketer: Are you the head of the household?
Me: sternly This is a cell phone.
Telemarkter: I’ll be brief, then. I’m calling on behalf of the Berkshire Council . . .
Me: No! No! Goodbye!
I’m going to sit there paying for minutes while she attempts to sell something to me after getting a wrong number?! The freaking nerve.
(I know, I know, I’m an idiot, and I should screen my calls. But I thought I’d just nip it in the but, because I just went through a thing where someone called me twenty times over the course of three days, and I didn’t pick up because I didn’t know the number. Despite getting my voice mail, which says “You have reached the voice mail box of Podkayne Fries,” declined to leave a message, and kept calling back until finally I answered and told her that no this is not Tiffany’s number. I swear . . . grumble grumble grumble)
[deadpan]Yes, exactly, unless you plot absorbtion vs. wavenumber. Then it scans the molecule from right to left."[/deadpan]
I’ve said this one in downtown Nashville. Twice. I don’t know why I get blind/deaf crisscrossed when I say that, but now I get made fun of for that too. Sigh.
In an AP American history class in high school, as we’re taking preliminary notes on the Civil War, one girl piped up and asked, “Who won that again?” She was not joking. Sweet girl, but one of the blondest people I’ve ever met. How she got into AP history, I have no idea.
Throughout college, my roommate Jason and I kept a running quote wall to record all the ridiculous things people said. Among my favorites are “KFC should be a national holiday,” “That guy has a trumpet; he could kill you,” “You put two and two together, you get chode,” and, “It’s okay for him to wear shorts. He’s fat.”
I’m sure I can think of more.
I know I posted this before, but it bears repeating.
At my job there is a large portrait of an elderly Helen Keller with a friend. Someone remarked “Oh, that’s a nice picture! But how come there are two of her? Oh, wait, I get it. In one, she’s not wearing her glasses.”
I know a woman who has stated in effect that she doesn’t believe in the mixing of races. Not the old notion that races should be kept separate but rather that the children of mixed parentage will either be one race or the other, based on the mother’s race.
Please pardon me as I say:
Huh?
What stupid thing starts with “If it weren’t for that horse…”?
(I always feel so out of it when someone expects everyone to know what they’re talking about. And I don’t)
Cal, Lewis Black has a routine about how he once overheard the sentence “If it weren’t for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.” His point is that he’ll never know what that person meant, and thinking about it too hard may very well kill him.
Personally, I once overheard “He wasn’t a ninja? Boy, I’m fooled!” It still bothers me, and it was at least ten years ago.
And, of course, one my friends, looking over a menu at a diner: “What’s fried toast?”
Her boyfriend’s response: “Toast that’s fried.”
I’ve got a million of these. I keep a little book of them. I’ll have to peruse and post more–it’s not like I’ve got any work to do.
It’s part of one of Lewis Black’s comedy routines. He overheard someone in a mall (I think) say, “If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college”, and goes on a whole rant about hearing stupid things gets in your head. It’s damned funny stuff, and hopefully someone can come along and explain it better than I can, it’s been awhile since I’ve heard that bit.
We should almost make this a sticky.
It was from a routine by comic Lewis Black.
[What Black overheard a woman say at an International House of Pancakes]
Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, “If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.” Now, I.m gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. “If it weren’t for my horse…” as in, giddyup, giddyup, let’s go — “I wouldn’t have spent that year in college,” which is a degree-granting institution. Don’t think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE!
Is that enough explanation, or should we get two or three more people in here for it? 
It was from a Lewis Black routine.
Where does that “If it weren’t for that horse…” phrase come from?
For some reason, it seems to remind me of a particular decade.
It comes from a 1920’s Style “death ray.”
1960, perhaps?
That would be “Rio”, by Duran Duran.
If you want stupid things people have said, I think everything in this thread since and including post #32 would count.
Up to, and including post #38.
What? 
Lighten up, sugar. tdn likes it when we hijack his threads!