I’m not looking for answers. I worked in two burn ICUs over the years. I just want to vent.
A few days ago I was cooking breakfast in my nightgown, a thin teeshirt. I had a pan steaming some eggs on a front burner. I reached to turn it off and somehow touched my right boob on the pan. Ouch! but only for a second. I iced it, as I was supposed to, but since there was no pain, I forgot about it in a little while.
Since the girls are big and floppy (I’m 65 for og’s sake) and the burn was low on the side I didn’t notice what was happening.
At bed time, I was getting ready to shower, and noticed my bra was wet on the side. I looked and found an eight inch long 1/4inch wide, full thickness burn. It didn’t hurt because it was a third degree burn. I washed it, removed the eschar (No picture, just an explanation of the word.). I then covered it with a soft non-stick, sterile dressing. It’s healing and now I’m putting antibiotic ointment on it.
My problem is, my husband was at work when it happened. I told him about being burned when he called. I thought he’d say something like be more careful, but instead, he got very upset. It took a while for me to calm him down, telling him it was nothing. (This was when I thought it was nothing.)
Now he doesn’t know how bad it actually was. I’m going to have a significant scar, that he will eventually notice. I’ve been able to hide it so far, but when he sees it he’s going to go off. Not only did I get badly burned, his big fear, but I lied about it.
I know I’m clumsy, he knows I’m clumsy, that doesn’t help my case. (Sigh)
I’m done venting now, carry on.
Why was he angry as opposed to some other emotion?
About the only time I get close to anger w/ my wife is when she does something on mental autopilot and damn near gets seriously hurt. I don’t know what other emotion to use & the thought of her killing or crippling herself for the want of paying attention to what she’s actually, you know, *doing *at the moment leaves me terrified / horrified.
30ish years of reminding her to pay attention & to think before acting impulsively have helped a bunch, but there’s still those moments. Like the OP, my wife’s no ditz. But once in awhile she’s mentally debating with Aquinas or planning her next big project or … when she ought to be not sticking her boob in the cooking first, and debating Aquinas second.
Assuming the OP’s husband is similar, my advice in this case is to fess up. Now that the immediate danger has passed he’s a lot more likely to be supportive than judgemental.
Your reaction is exactly like his. He was scared. I was just recently diagnosed with adult ADD. I don’t pay attention.
wheresgeorge04, his job is to save people from big uglies. He’s about as far from jerkiness as one can get. He was upset because he was at work and unable to help me when his first thought was something terrible. He would have been less upset if I’d burned down the house. The house is replacable, I’m not.
The problem is that I never lie to him, or he to me. I feel like I’m carrying around a giant weight. He’s out of town this weekend. I don’t want to tell him on the phone. I guess I’ll do it when he gets home on Monday.
Still, it sounds like you’re afraid to tell him. I repeat my assertion that shit happens. And it sure sounds like you didn’t lie to him, circumstances changed.
Why would his first thought be something terrible? You said you told him when he called home. Did you wail and moan that something terrible happened, then tell him you burned your boob a little? Or did you say, “Oh, my day was fine, except for when I accidentally brushed my tit on the stove.”? The first one, sure, I’d panic if my wife acted like that. The second one, I’d say, “But you’re OK, right?”
“Flip out?” Jesus christ, it’s not like she plunged her arms elbow-deep into the fry pit. people give themselves minor kitchen mishaps every day. So he’s a fireman. Does that mean his wife can’t make a small error without quaking in fear?
He’s been burned. To him a burn is a burn is a burn. It’s something serious that needs immediate attention. I know better, I’ve taken care of serious burns. I know how to deal with them and I know the difference between serious and non-serious.
No, I didn’t moan and cry. I said it laughingly. He thought I was minimizing.
He thinks I’m fragile, but I’m not.
I’m not afraid of him in any way, shape or form. I just feel guilty for not telling him the next morning when he got home that it was worse than I’d said. I put it off, now I feel like its a lie of omission. I don’t expect him to get mad at me, I expect he’ll be hurt that I kept it from him.
This whole scenario seems like manufactured drama and your husband sounds like a borderline loon. That someone has an injury (esp a burn) that turns out to be worse than they initially thought is as common as dirt. That you (or any rational human being) would cast this “I thought it wasn’t as bad as it turned out to be” initial impression as a “lie” that’s he’s going to go apeshit over is bizarre beyond imagining.
Yes it’s cute that you are a tender flower and he’s a protective bear, but this turns into major league childish jackassery if it goes down like you are describing and he throws some sort of mini tantrum over this. Christ you two are in your 60’s, grow up!
No, we two are not in our 60s. He’s 47. I don’t think he’ll go apeshit, he’ll be hurt. I don’t like hurting him. Trust is important to us.
It wasn’t a lie, until I actually hid it from him. Do you know what a lie of omission is? I don’t know why I hid it from him, but I did, now it’s a lie.
Do you have any experience with anything beyond a superficial burn? A full thickness burn CAN be serious if not well taken care of. I am taking care of it. I may still need to see a doctor about it. It can get infected very easily.
Woah, I’m surprised this went downhill the way it did. Geez. My husband gets upset when I do something stupid too, it’s just a protective response. Anger is always a secondary emotion, and in this case, it was covering up concern. Hubby doesn’t sound like a jerk at all.
Anyhow, sorry the burn turned out to be so much worse then it is, picunurse. I didn’t realize that third degree burns didn’t hurt afterwards! I’m sure your hubby will understand in the end.
I get the whole thing about burns being a hot topic for him (pun intended) and I understand his sensitivity to this particular type of injury because of his occupation, but I don’t understand the omg now it’s a lie and he’s going to be hurt part. You told him about the burn, it’s just worse than you originally thought. That’s all.
You know the rule about doctors and nurses making the worst patients? Yeah. I don’t care where on your body it is, a 3rd degree burn should be checked by a medical doctor - specifically, someone who is not you.
And no, you didn’t lie to your hubbie. You informed him based on the information you had on hand. That information changed, and you need to give him an update. Just, please, include the date and time of your doctor’s appointment.