Stupid used-car salesman tricks.

The BBQ Pit
1

It’s finally time to put my ol’ pickup out to pasture, so we got to go shopping. It was actually kind of fun an anthropological study.

Here are the survival strategies we observed while touring the local dealerships:

1) Eliminate all women.

We did not see a single female salesperson in town. Weird.

2) "I wouldn’t sell a car I didn’t believe in."

Suuuuure you wouldn’t.

3) "This is my favorite car on the lot."

How uncanny that every salesman in town has chosen a 1999 or 2000 sedan with manual transmission priced around $10,000 to be his very favorite!

4) Mind-meld with the customer.

When I mentioned safety to a salesman, suddenly he felt moved to confide in me that safety was always his overriding concern, and he would never buy or sell a vehicle with less than a 4 star crash rating. And we heard about nothing but next generation airbags, antilock braking systems, crumple zones, and breakaway engine housings.

When we admired the Prius at the Toyota dealership, and mentioned that we were considering buying one when my husband’s car craps out, we got to hear the gas mileage of every car on the lot, and how Toyota makes their plastic bumpers . . .

(which are 100% recyclable, by the way) . . .
not out of petrochemicals . . .

but out of sweet potatoes . . .

and not just any sweet potatoes . . .

they’re grown in developing nations . . .

by disadvantaged farmers.

5) Know when to quit with the undercar rustproofing.

Shortly before the customer lunges across the table and throttles you, apparently.

2

Sweet potatoes? So how come they aren’t orange?

3

“I had someone else looking at that car earlier and he/she was ready to buy. It’ll be gone by the end of today if you don’t take it!”

“It’s the only one of its kind in the region!” (or large geographical area) How would they know this? Do they check all the DMV records in their spare time?

“My mother (stepmother, aunt, uncle, grandpa, etc.) drives one just like it and says it’s great!”

“The previous owner said it was a great car, but just couldn’t keep up on the payments.” (or some other reason other than that the car was actually a POS.)

“The previous owner was an old lady who only drove it to church on Sundays.” As a side note, I woudn’t want most cars that old ladies would drive, so no salesman better try using this tactic on me.

4

Gee, I wonder if this thread will get any response in the BBQ Pit.
Let’s find out! :wink:

5

Well, you’re already pissin’ ME off.

I mean, not YOU, not you PERSONALLY, but you’re already making me want to go kick a used car salesman…

6

Does that mean that if I’m trapped in the mountains in a blizzard I can eat my bumper?

7

6. When asked for a certain type of car, be sure to show the exact oppositecar:

“I’m looking for an economic car like this Escort.”
“Then you’re sure to like this 1978 Dodge diesel truck with the poorly attached 4x4 lift kit.”

This happened to me a couple of years ago.

8

Not bloody likely to happen as long as you’re in Puerto Rico. :wink:

Sweet potatoes…hmm…no wonder they aren’t worth potatoes…though they cost as much as gold to replace!

9

I had NEW car sale tricks that were FUN! The new guy, not on commission yet, so he had “no sales pressure”, but how about he writes a number down, with an X and a line for me to sign, just to show my good faith. Not binding, except in weak minds who think they committed. I swear I watched this guy go through five different techniques inside a half an hour. It was hilarious. When he went “to check this number with the Sales Manager” I left.

Next stop they sic the CUTE young buxom blonde on me (a 21 year old Marine Corps Lieutentant). I liked that trick. I took her car, she had been driving it two days, it had 176 miles, and I got it cheap. After I had decided to buy it, but had not told them yet, they said I could drive it home and see how it looked in the driveway (knowing the neighbors would see the car, and then pride would keep me from backing out). I lived in the barracks with about 1500 cars in the lot, but I took it anyway. I wanted to see that sales rep the next day, too.

When I was trading in the car from the blonde on a new Saturn, (they weren’t buying used cars yet) I was on the phone with a Used Car buyer who offered me, $2500. I said “Just a sec,” and was figuring what that would do to my payments, which HE took as a negotiating stall, so he said “$2750”, which screwed my calculations up again so I started over. After a short pause, I sold it to him for $3k.

10

Hee! When I needed to finally get rid of my 84 LeBaron (sniff :(), I called up the guy who sold my brother his brand new truck (he was a used AND new car salesman :eek: ). After he remembered (or pretended to remember) who my brother was, it was like this:

“Yeah, I called you since I know we’ve done business with you before, and I was in the market for a used car.”

“Great! You know, I have some great cars here on the lot just ready to be leased!”

“Uh, no thanks. I need a used car, preferably older.”

“Oh, uh… well, we have previously leased cars that are just fabulous–”

“No thanks. I don’t buy previously-leased cars. I work at a service station, and I know how some people treat their leases.”

“Oh, uh… so… what’s your budget then?”

“Around three grand. I told you, an older car.”

At least he didn’t ignore me after that. :smiley: A couple weeks later I got a call that they had a 91 Dodge Shadow America in, and it’s absolutely fabulous, would I like to look at it?

So the first time I go in, I go with my mom (note: I’m 18 at the time, but I could easily pass for just barely 16). Blahblahblah wonderful car etc. I ask if I can come back that night with my dad. “Sure!” he said, beaming.

So I come back. With my dad. A Chrysler/Plymouth/Dodge/Eagle mechanic for the past 25 years. :smiley: You shoulda seen the guy’s face when dad walked right up, popped the hood, and started looking around. Heh heh.

Guy – “Yeah, this is a good car, no doubt about it–”

Dad – “Air conditioner won’t work” (it really wouldn’t)

Guy – “Uh, well–”

Dad – “That’s gonna cost money to fix, blahblahblah” (not really, but hey)

Guy – “Uh, we can knock off $200 off the price for that–”

Dad – “Looks like the (blahblah) only has a few hundred miles left. I’m not gonna let her buy it like this” (I can’t remember what it was, but fairly major)

Guy with an “oh shit!” look on his face – “Well, of COURSE our service station will take care of that COMPLETELY before it even gets off the lot, and at no extra charge. Heck, I’ll even take off another $300 off the price!”
Heh heh.

It’s actually a damn good car. It only had 30,000 miles on it when I bought it for $2700 and (thanks to dad being a mechanic) I’ve only spent a total of $78 on parts.
I still get Christmas and Birthday cards from the salesman, though. :rolleyes:

11

There is a new/used car Ford place nearby. Several years ago while looking for a car, I met a salesman that took pride in telling me he had 12 children. He still seemed in his 20’s but gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Last year I was looking for a car for my stepson. I met a different salesman who showed me a picture of his wife and 16 children.

The salesman was Latino and so was his wife. The picture he showed me were 16 kids of roughly the same age. Some had blonde hair, one was asian. It was so obvious that it was a school picture of a team. It then clicked that this was a ‘trick’ to get you to want to help out the salesman and not negotiate hard on price. How stupid do they think we are?

You can turn it against them though. Did you know many sales offices are bugged? When they go talk to their manager they sit in their office and listen to you and your wife talk. You can use this by playing hardball when they don’t think you are listening. Talk to your wife mantioning that you won’t pay a single cent more than your researched fair price. They’ll believe you. Doesn’t mean they won’t try to talk you up but their confidence in doing so is shaken.

12

I was ready to buy a Honda (new!) from the dealership whom I leased a car from when I was a poor ass law student treated me decently. Apparently, the good sales guy I worked with left (to work in a funeral home :smiley: ), and the new people decided the “talking out of the sales book, line for line” approach was the way to go. Including the “what will it take to put you in this car” B.S. LOL, buddy- you don’t know who you are messing with . . .

So, being more then a bit disgruntled, I still tried a few cars and mannaged to escape those assclowns. Next I went to the Nissan dealership (we have a Pathfinder, but needed a second car) and got even more sales guy nonsense.

Finally, I went to the VW dealership, and was treated with respect and a bit of class. Now that the sort of salesmanship I can stand- I was offered a fair deal on a good car and I bought the car that day. And I will go back there in the future and recommend them to my friends.

:slight_smile:

13

must preview…really must. New years resolution…

14

I like to make MY stupid used-car salesman balance a bowling ball on his nose.

Oh, wait. :smiley:

Lizard, whose favorite uncle made a good living selling used cars.

15

I remember going with my friend to look at used cars. He just totaled his ride so I was driving. We were at “Happy Cactus” (This is in lynnwood WA btw) used autos. THe salesman must have thought we were drooling idiots. He would only let us test drive this totally fucked up car. Sitting on the lot I saw it had two flat tires. So he gets their ‘mechanic’ out and he inflates the tires and we go driving. We make it half way around the block before the two tires lose all their air and the ENGINE catches fire. We’re talking HUGE amounts of black smoke and some flames. We QUICKLY get back to the dealership and get out of the car.

One of the tires is shredded and the front window looks like it was blow torched.

“So what do you think?”

“IT’S ON FIRE!” – And it still was

“That’s just extra oil burning off on the engine block”

16

The irony of this claim is that such use is actually pretty rough. Never letting the car get warmed up is brutal on quite a number of systems. The low mileage that such use racks up is very deceptive.

17

I worked as a mechanic in various new car dealerships for years. Before that, I only disliked car salemen. I soon learned to absolutely hate and despise them, with a (very) few exceptions. Everything with them was a game of oneupmanship and it seemed that most of them would lie when the truth would close a deal.

Now, when a car salesman asks me how much I want to spend on a car, I say $10.00. When they regain their breath, I tell them to make me a counter-offer. I would rather hassle car salesmen than telemarketers.

18

from: Bud Light Salutes You, Mr Used Car Salesman

“…you stand behind every car you sell, because if you stood in front, and the brakes failed, you’d be crushed to death…”

“…that’s not oil underneath that car, that’s sweat from all that horsepower…”

19

Some logs for the fire…

Mrs. Gaffer and I were looking for a used car a couple of years ago and had just test-driven one at a used car lot. We had informed the salesman that we were just looking several times but you know how well they listen. Anyways, I had to actually put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud when the words “What do I have to do to get you to buy this car today?” came out of his mouth. I couldn’t believe it. I thought they only said that in movies.

When I was in college I was looking for a small, two-wheel drive, Toyota pick-up. I went to the used Toyota dealer and asked if they had any. The salesman took me out to the used lot where he informed me that they only had a newer, four-wheel drive model. I told him that I was looking for something cheaper (i.e. not 4WD) and he looked down at my hand (where I where my wedding ring) and said “Well, what’s she going to say if you just come home with it?” Apparently, the reason I didn’t want the more expensive 4WD was that Mrs. Gaffer would be angry.

Finally, many years ago when I was living in Germany, I received a letter from a good friend who told me that he had just gotten a new job selling used cars at a local lot. I wrote back saying that I thought that he would make a good salesman as he had that kind of personality. Turnaround time for airmail at that time was about a week so it was about two before I got his next letter. He was incredibly indignant that I had thought he would be a great salesman. He then went on this tirade about how unbelievably slimy his co-workers were. He closed with (and I will never forget this) “You have to hit rock-bottom and have nowhere else to go in order to be a good used-car salesman.”

20

When I bought my car the guy kept telling me that there was someone driving down from “some town” to look at, so I had better make up my mind right now. Thing was, everytime he told me that, he changed the name of the town they were coming from. Dolt.