Stupidest argument I can recall had to do with whether or not banana plants should be completely cut down in winter or just trimmed.
We moved recently, to a place that was only a few blocks away from our old place.
The argument: whether we are now closer, or further, from Island Foods, the best roti place in the city (which is no further than ten minutes walking from either residence.)
The fact that we are now quite obviously closer to two other roti shops was irrelevant, because those are not as good as Island Foods. The relative goodness of these three roti shops is cause for heated arguments among many people, but thank goodness my husband and I can agree on this!
Maps were consulted. Voices were raised. It was ugly.
The result: since we moved five blocks east and only two blocks north, we are closer by about a block.
Thus was our marriage saved …
We don’t argue much. At least, not that we remember. I just consulted with the husband, and he agrees - the only actual argument that we can recall that wasn’t relationship junk was over whether as a composer he had the right to rearrange the words of a poem that I had given him permission to set to music, without asking me before he rearranged it and had it performed. Heh. We came the closest to a traditional all-out blow up over that.
News of the Weird once had a corker along these lines: A Pakistani husband and wife had to call for an ambulance. The wife had been stabbed in the shoulder, the husband had been shot in the leg. The cause of the bloodshed: an argument between the two about who was the more beautiful of the Bundy family: Katie Segal or Christina Applegate.
I’m betting there were some underlying issues.
Oh, and the Oompa-Loompas are creepy-assed little orange slaves.
My ex was arguing with me that a highway could NOT have both a State Highway Number and an Interstate Number. This was as we were driving on I-95/Mass 128 outside Boston. She lost when we hit the next sign. I left her in Boston. Not a stupid argument, but a stupid position IN an argument.
And a serious stupid argument…
About this time last year, my crazy soon-to-be-ex had exceeded the limit on her credit card. So of course, she couldn’t use it anymore.
Well they were just “being mean” to her by not simply increasing her limit. So she decided to “punish” them by refusing to make the minimum payments of $150. She refused to send them more than $75 to $100, which was not even equal to the interest she was being charged.
We went around and around on this. I tried to tell her that she was only punishing herself by further trashing her credit rating, but she refused to relent.
Many more arguments like this. Like I said, she’s flipping nuts.
We had a 2-hour argument over whether pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicavolcanoconiosis was a “real word” or not.
I said it is, he said not. He said “Someone made it up to be the longest in the English language, even the OED says so” and I said, “Someone made up every word in the English language. Doesn’t matter the motive, it’s still a word”
We went back and forth like that for about 2 hours. We never fight or argue about real or emotionally charged things.
It’s a word, dammit!
My ex and I had a 2 week argument over wether we would tell our non-existant children Santa was real or fake.
I put soap into the dirty crock pot while I was filling it with water prior to washing it.
She told me I was doing it wrong, that I should rinse it with water before using any soap.
Now, I did have a reason - I wanted the soap to emulsify the oils already in there, believing that the first cleaning step would be more effective and would advantageously not deposit so much grease in the sink and throughout the drain plumbing to boot. But even more important than this, I’d like to be able to make little decisions like this without having to justify them. A squirt of soap shouldn’t be worth anybody arguing about.
So this yelling match lasted ten minutes and ended with us stewing in different parts of the house.
I agree with AngelicGemma - humans should have sufficient free will to buy f___ing icecream.
I also agree with biggirl, they’re creepy little slaves. Though in all honesty I must admit it is a little hard to be objective on this one, because IIRC biggirl is the one who recently posted her measurements, and she sounds very highly desireable indeed.
Mrs. HeyHomie and I almost called off our engagement over whether or not there are bears in Missouri.
You have to understand that, to Mrs. HeyHomie, who was born & raised there, Missouri is God’s country and nothing bad ever happens there, and nothing good ever happens anywhere else. The landscape in Missouri is compared to that of the Elysian Fields, yea the Garden of Eden. Once you cross the Mississippi you enter a barren wasteland of naught but dirt. To her the people of Missouri are honest, forthright and industrious; the people of everywhere else (especially Illinois) are lazy, duplicitous and full of malice. (OK I’m exaggerating a bit).
So anyway, one day I mention that the Missouri flag is silly since it has bears on it.
HER: What’s silly about that? It’s better than Illinois’ flag blah blah blah.
ME: There are bears on it.
HER: So?
ME: There are no bears in Missouri. Except at the zoo. Clearly they’re there as an allegory.
HER: There are too bears in Missouri, else they wouldn’t be on the flag!
ME: Maybe there were bears at one time, like back in the frontier days. But there probably haven’t been any for at least a hundred years.
HER: There are bears in Missouri! My dad showed me bear tracks in the woods behind our house!
ME: Now sniggering beyond hope of repressing it I think your dad was putting you on!
HER: Tears ensue My dad wouldn’t lie to me! You act like you know what you’re talking about but you don’t! Blah blah blah…
This went on for about an hour before she got mad and stormed out of the house.
P.S. Having consulted the encyclopedia, it seems that black bears are making a comeback in Missouri, but that there are no grizzly bears, which are depicted on the flag.
I was once mad at my husband because I’d had a dream he was sleeping with someone else.
Fortuantely, it only took a few hours for me to realize it was pretty stupid.
“I don’t understand you?!? What do you mean I don’t understand you?!?”
I like Wang-ka’s rule! Me and Fotos have never really had any arguments, except for once when I changed plans at the last minute. :wally
We started to debate the issue, but then looked at one another and ended up in a passionate embrace in the bedroom. The rest you can figure out from there! 
Making love not war is always the best and the most fun!;)Cheat because it wasn’t me I just witnessed it. Married couple (very early 20’s) group of singles 17-22, some with their SO’s, everyone had been on and on about how lucky the marrieds were “to have each other”/“to know they would be together forever” & later I thought maybe that fueled it?
Anyway. The married couple started arguing about whether over time vampires would become sexless - i.e. less male/ less female. He took the pro-keeping sex position she that sexlessness would evolve — it was almost that out of the blue – we certainly were a group in which “vampire” might not be uttered for months if not years … It got ugly, but it was so hard, so very hard, not to laugh until it did get ugly. He was ANGRY & she wasin full don’t-care-if-our-friends-do-hear-you-are-wrong mode. A such it skipped what should have been the “this is embarrassing” stage, and went right to “this is funny”, finally into “this is ugly” territory.
Needless to say they limped on for a while and separated about 6 months later, she is remarried & has a couple kids. But I have laughed/smiled about the early stages of that argument for years – as did our group behind their back.
Our group “kept” her not him, DK where he is but my advice to you: if you are in a bar & someone says a vampire will become less male after a few hundred years & a guy starts shouting – get ready for some good entertainment.
Well, she is no longer my SO, partially because of this argument, but the stupidest was when she was mad at me because my body language informed her that I had had a bad time at the special outing she had planned.
I think I’m going to win this one:
My ex and I once had a long, drawn-out fight over how many feet are in a yard.
Yeah, it’s 3.
Me: What is stucco?
Her: It’s that stuff they use on roofs.
Me: No it isn’t.
Her: Yes it IS.
Me: No, that’s not stucco.
Her: Yes it is TOO stucco!
Me: No, I know what stucco is. That’s not stucco.
Her: What is stucco then??
Me: It’s what you get when you sit on gummo.
Her: spirit audibly breaks
Not so much an argument as me leading her on only to sap her of her will to live in the end, but I’m good at that.
My beloved and I once had an arguement over whether or not the character Hannibal Lector was in the novel Red Dragon. When we realized the arguement was one of semantics, we moved on to the meta-arguement of what the difference was between a character being “in a novel” and being “mentioned in a novel.”
The most shameful thing is that our then-roommate was a witness to all this madness. Luckily, she and he once had a long, drag-out fight over the corporate policies of Blockbuster, so she probably won’t be giving me crap.
Yes, we, too, are unable to fight about normal things.