I feel bad for my brother; I can see why he turned cynical and self-centered:
As a kid he moved a branch out of the yard “so no one hurts themself” and fell and stabbed himself in the eye with it.
Then he protected some sort of creature from kids that were abusing it, and it bit him. He gets home and our father says “:rolleyes: now I’m going to have to stop what I’m doing to take you to the ER”.
I think that one’s in the lead. Buuut…
[ul]
[li]Broke my hand at work punching a desk. (Hand surgery and missed a month.)[/li][li]Nine stiches from a dog bite for sticking my face in his food.[/li][li]Serious zap from using a metal pliers to reach behind and unplug the kegerator at work (not seriously injured, thankfully).[/li][li]Bit on the nose by my iguana to see if he would lick me. (Told everyone I snagged my nose on a nail while in the attic.)[/li][/ul]
What does Forrest Gump say about stupid?
My Stupidest Injury Ever (broken collarbone) was from my decision that it would be fun to hold onto the back bumper of my friend’s car while I rode on my skateboard and have him go for a ride (at normal speeds). It didn’t end well.
My husband’s platoon was doing PT, and ordered to run backwards. Which was a stupid order, in itself, but, and I could have predicted this, of all the people in the platoon, my husband was the one who tripped over his own feet and broke his wrist. Running backwards was stupid, but I will note for the record, that no one else tripped over their own feet and broke their wrist.
I once sliced open my thumb because, for reasons I can’t remember but that undoubtedly seemed good at the time, I was attempting to cut up a wine cork with a steak knife. The cork slipped…
I left a q-tip in my ear when answering a summons by sticking my head out the bathroom door. On pulling myself back into the bathroom and turning my head at the same time I managed to hit the doorframe with the q-tip, jamming it further into my ear and rupturing the ear drum.
I’ve done any number of stupid things, but this was my most stupid injury.
I know someone who ruptured her eardrum during sex, because her girlfriend stuck her tongue in her ear, and the withdrew it, causing suction, and rupturing her eardrum. Stupid, weird, and the extra bonus: embarrassment at the ER.
I can’t be the only one who put ear wax softening drops into my eye, can I?
Nope.
The problem with the playing of darts is that unless you are a drunken brit, the novelty of the activity of throwing darts at a dart board pales quickly. But why limit your activities to the indoor throwing of darts!?
Being 10 or so, that limitation seemed to be something needing to be overcome. Throwing darts outdoors had all sorts of possibilities: throwing at trees, birds, annoying siblings, the list is endless. 
Unfortunately, the retrieving of said darts becomes problematic as the dart will become easily lost in the grass or irretrievable when the sibling is quicker than you in getting to the parent safe zone (leading to other issues best avoided. Note: Parents have no sense of humor).:mad:
But what if you took 16lb fishing line and tied the dart to it? It would never be lost!
So, having the necessary gear I tied the line to the dart and on the first throw lodged it into the side of a tree about 25’ away. It was stuck pretty good, so I pulled hard on the fishing line, which stretched quite a bit.
The dart released from the tree and, much to my surprise, rather than dropping to the ground, returned itself to me, point forward I might add, at what seemed a far greater rate than I had initially thrown it.:smack:
I had just enough time to turn my back to the dart such that it lodged into my right ass cheek thus ceasing its forward momentum.:eek:
Contrary to what most people would think to do, my first action was not to remove the dart but to confirm that no one around to see my plan fail so, uh, foreseeably?:o
Otherwise, not much pain or bleeding, but the darts went back inside along with the fishing line.
Here’s a stupid one I cringe to think about. When I was a teenager, my mom and I shared a permanent razor. It was usually dull so you had to put some pressure on it (I know, bad idea; my only excuse is my father was really cheap and I am assuming he controlled the blade supply). I went to shave one day and unbeknownst to me, Mom had changed the blade. I went to shave using the normal amount of pressure and shaved off a little of my ankle. I thought I had just goofed up and went ahead and shaved a nice strip of skin right off my shin. :eek: :smack:
Oh yeah, almost forgot: broke my ankle falling down a desert hill.
The reason I went up there was to throw rocks at a kite. Nolan Ryan on his best day could not have hit that kite. Was on a school science trip and had to be driven home (4 hours) that night to have the ankle set (it was a mess). Baseball season lost. Took almost four years to regain my, ahem, blinding speed, and didn’t make a high school sports team until my senior year. (Happened while I was in the 7th grade.) But they closed that hill to future hikers on all succeeding school trips. So there’s that.
I don’t know that I’ve had any smart injuries.
I was falling down the stairs, reached for a banister that wasn’t there, hit the wall just right, and literally popped off my wrist bone. Fortunately, on my left hand, and I’m right handed.
The wrist doctor specialist told me it was only the second such injury he’d ever seen, as it’s almost impossible to do.
Lucky me.