I remember another disaster movie that was one of the most awful I’ve ever seen, Twister. I remember watching it with my then girlfriend, and about 10 minutes into the film we began to whisper to each other the next line, the next scene and actually the whole film in advance. It was such a cliché-fest that you could see every twist and turn coming up miles ahead. A real stinker.
Twister might have the dumbest scene in film history.
A woman asked about the categories of Tornados, one of the tornado chasers talks about F2s and F3s and how an F4 will physically move your house. Then the woman asks if there’s an F5 tornado exists and the room goes dead silent. Everyone drops the utensils they were using to eat dinner and everyone looks at her in shock. Because apparently one of their families had died in an F5 Tornado when they were a kid and act like it was a major faux pas.
BUT ASKING IF AN F5 TORNADO EXISTS IS A COMPLETELY NATURAL LINE OF CONVERSATION
Because if you locate the big event near LA, all of the actors get to go home each night. And there are fewer location expenses.
I’ve never seen Twister, but the previews alone gave me fits. How is it everything in the air lands directly in front of the speeding van?
That’s where the pointer stopped.
Oh, here’s another really Stupid movie. I only went to see this one because it looked so incredibly awful that I didn’t think it would last long:
Holmes and Watson, starring John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell.
I guess they figured “Hey, they worked together in Step Brothers. Let’s pair them up again as Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson. It’ll be a comedy./ It’ll be great!”
It’s not, They left out the “humor” part. They didn’t really give them anything to do, except to be pointless and tasteless.
This movie scored 10% at Rotten Tomatoes with the critics, and only 25% with the audience. MetaCRitic gave it a 24
Amazingly, Ralph Fienes (as Moriarty), Hugh Laurie (as Mycroft!), and Billy Zane (as Billy Zane) are in this. They’re completely wasted
Came here to mention Meteor in which he was part of one of those mega-casts. His dour was awesome.
Reminds me of the clunker Telefon, starring squickmeister Donald Pleasance, who softly intones “with many promises to keep” in your ear through the telephone, and you’re instantly brainwashed to carry out some regretable shenanigan.
I’m sure I’ve complained about Nightwing before, in some older thread.
What’s hack is the fact the comedy bit of “Sherlock Holmes is actually an eccentric idiot with an overinflated ego” is one of the most common parodies of Holmes. Fairly certain this isn’t the first Holmes feature length comedy movie with this premis.
Gene Wilder’s The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes’ Smarter Brother kinda does that. Sherlock isn’t an idiot in it, though, but his brother thinks he’s just lucky.
It isn’t that stupid. He is reciting a Robert Frost trigger poem to pre-programmed deep cover Russian agents that had been placed many years ago.
“The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”
“Sheer luck!”
It’s not, by any means. But it’s the first case where they left out the actual comedy.
Bone Tomahawk (2015) was one of those movies that when it is over, makes you feel like you have a mild traumatic brain injury. Described as a western cannibal horror film, one reviewer opined, " Bone Tomahawk is a long, LONG journey towards cannibalistic mayhem, which will test the patience of western fans waiting for the gruesome tomahawking to begin." Definitely Kurt Russell’s most embarrassing film.
As stupid movies go, Telefon is pretty good. It’s a very 70s sensibility cold war movie. It doesn’t like either side. Sort of like Three Days of the Condor.
But Twister! There’s SO MUCH wrong with that movie. Evil tornado scientists with their funding and matching black SUVs are the “bad guys” compared to our intrepid bunch of underfunded hip ragtag band of “sincere” scientists. WTF?
Make a double-feature with the 1997 remake, which (IMHO) was trying to create interest for a TV series.
“Tank Girl”
A phrase used in another context: Not even wrong.
This movie was not even stupid, it was brainless!
I like Tank Girl the comic. I liked Lori Petty in the role. And the soundtrack was awesome.
The plot - and everything else about the film - was pretty stupid though.
I watched Face-off with Cage and Revolta at a truck stop theater. At one point I called out, “you’d think she’d recognize his pecker!” Another guy says, “that’s what I was thinking!”
Stargames. Watched it on Amazon Prime as part of the Rifftrax series, but it’s such a horrendous piece of shit it’s not even fun to ridicule. Looks like it was shot on an off-brand 80s camcorder, and stars two of the worst child actors I’ve ever seen. They make the Olsen twins look like Lawrence Olivier. It doesn’t seem like they did more than a single take for any given scene, because it’s quite scary if they did multiple takes and the “best ones” made it into the film.
I re-watched Twister with the kids last week. Not all of it was stupid, but Helen Hunt’s subplot was unbearably dumb. Or at least it was framed that way.
Woman becomes a weather scientist after seeing her father killed by a tornado. OK, revenge plot, why not.
Woman has numerous near-misses while trying to place newfangled instrument pack… sounds good.
Woman is overtaken by monster F5 tornado and takes shelter by strapping self to underground pipes… I’ll allow it.
Woman sees a family that looks like her childhood family emerge unscathed from the tornado shelter. Inspiring music swells as relief washes over her face. The father didn’t die! Nobody died! All because several minutes earlier she placed an instrument pack that might produce some good early-warning research in a couple of years, because she took shelter on their farm.
Oh, and the villain who was also trying to place an almost-identical research instrument pack? He died, so that’s one less expert to work on improving tornado warning times.
Yeah yeah, I know I’m just supposed to look at Helen Hunt and the spinny CGI clouds. I’ll see myself out.