Sadly, this is from memory.
I get knocked down, but I get up again. Repeat.
Ooooh, Donny boy… blah blah blah.
Okay, so not much memory, but hell.
Howzabout? “You got ta blame it on something, blame it on the rain, that was softly falling, blame it on the stars, they didn’t shine that night, whatever you do, don’t put the blame on you, blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah, you can blame it on the rain, yeah yeah”
–Tim
Lyrics to Tubthumping, you say?
He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times
He sings the songs that remind him of the better times
Sounds like a party to me, drinking and singing.
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Posted by: Homer
Howzabout? “You got ta blame it on something, blame it on the rain, that was softly falling, blame it on the stars, they didn’t shine that night, whatever you do, don’t put the blame on you, blame it on the rain, yeah, yeah, you can blame it on the rain, yeah yeah”
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Good old Milli Vanilli. Ah, for the late 80’s again, no?
“Bow down before the one you serve
You’re gonna get what you deserve”
(some Nine Inch Nails song)
“You know the chick that used to dance a lot
Every night she’d be on the floor shaking what she got
Man when I tell you she was cool, she was red hot
I mean she was STEAMING”
(Thin Lizzy, Boys Are Back In Town)
“I know I was a crazy fool
For treating you the way I did
But something took a hold of me
And I acted like a dustbin lid”
(some Paul McCartney song)
For sheer unbearable putridness, though, I have to declare this one the winner:
“I don’t know what colour your eyes are baby, but your hair is long and brown”
(Love & Rockets, So Alive)
Ronnie James Dio, the gnome from Black Sabbath, wrote the stupidest lyrics I’ve heard.
In particular, ‘Holy Diver’.
‘Ride the tiger
you can see his spots but you know he’s clean
oh, can’t you see what I mean?’
No,…not really.
“All I wanna do is thank you,
even though I don’t know who you are,
'cause you let me change lanes
while I was driving in my car.”
“Movin’ to the country, gonna eat me a lot of peaches.”
“All I can do is (ya da da da da da,
ya da da da da da da) there’s no rain.”
The (ya da da)'s are the words I can’t remember.
And I can’t remember who performed any of those songs, thank God. But if they can get radio play, then hell, I ought to be able to write songs that make money.
ruadh - the Nine Inch Nails song you quote is “Head Like a Hole”, IIRC.
“Shoop shoop diddy wop, cumma cumma wang dang”
** Monty Video ** - some one hit wonder that no-one has heard of since the eighties…
I saw one lyric already by “the presidents of the united states of america”, and I just had to add another one:
She’s lump, she’s lump, she’s lump, she’s in my head
She’s lump, she’s lump, she’s lump, she might be dead
I’ve always thought that I am just not hearing the song right, but everyone I know agrees with me that those are the words…who knows?
Re: his girlfriend, the “Teen Angel” who was mushed by a train when his car stalled on the tracks:
“What was it you were looking for/
That took your life that night?
They said they found my high school ring/
Tucked in your fingers tight.”
She may be angelic, buddy, but you should consider it divine justice that God pruned that particular twig off the family tree.
Back in the old days, Rush didn’t have a drummer that could actually write lyrics as well. Hence, their self-titled debut album contains quite a few gems, lyricwise. Let me shock Rush fans throughout the world by quoting the following opening lines:
"Hey baby it’s a quarter to eight,
I feel I’m in the mooo-hooood…"
Needless to say, things got better when Neil Peart joined the band and told Geddy Lee to stop writing lyrics 
Yeah, well Neil Peart shouldn’t talk. If he’d sing instead of screaming, we’d all be better off.
At least Geddy can play the drums a little.
“Teen Angel” is parody. The lyrics are supposed to be stupid; that’s the joke. Unfortunately, Mark Dinning sang it straight.
RTFirefly - Who sings that car song?? I heard it on satellite over a year ago and have been asking randomly if anyone knows what it’s called, since.
And now, back to our scheduled programming:
“Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I’ll bet you’ll feel nuts
Yes I’m Siskel yes I’m Ebert and you’re getting two thumbs up”
The Bloodhound Gang’s The Bad Touch
The whole song is really bloody dumb, but that S&E line gets me going everytime.
How about *Seasons in the Sun[i/] by Terry Jacks?
If that isn’t the most mawkish, moronic tripe ever written, there’s no cows in Texas.
It’s got to be the worst song ever written.
So, what do I win?
That horid country music song.“One two buckle my shoe, three four shut the door…”
Mother Goose should sue.
The title of the song is “Lump,” and it is all about a character named–you guessed it–Lump. I kinda like that song. It’s silly, but it’s got a catchy tune.
Paul McCartney is the king of dimwitted lyrics:
“Ebony and ivory/Live together in perfect harmony/Side by side on my piano keyboard/Oh, Lord, why can’t we?”
Actually, inanimate objects are not known for having issues with ethnic tension. And this was a hit, as one might point out to those who think radio is worse today than ever. (It is, but not by as much as you think.)
Catrandom
I feel compelled to defend Macca (Paul McCartney) because he is a musician more then a lyricist. He writes the music first and all, and then tries to fit the lyrics to the music. That doesn’t always work the way we’d like it to, that’s why he was so great when working with Lennon. But all things considered, I still love Paul. =)
mega- The car song from RTFirefly’s post is “Whoever You Are”, by Geggy Tah. I have never seen a band name match the lyrical content of their biggest hit quite so well…
I’ve always had a problem with the lyrics from Vanessa Williams’ “Save the Best For Last”, to wit:
Sometimes the snow comes down in June." (Yeah, in South America. So what?)
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon. (Riiiight. Yes, I know it’s a metaphor, but… I dunno, it’s still pretty dumb.)
Then there’s Filter’s “Hey Man Nice Shot”. It doesn’t make any sense until you find out what it’s about (it’s about that politician guy, what’s his name, the one who blew his brains out on live television). Even then, there’s still some ridiculous stuff in there:
They thought that your, the ending was all wrong
For the most part they’re right but look how they all got strong
That’s why I say “Hey man, nice shot”…
Or how about that Marilyn Manson? His first record is just rife with this stuff, but two examples that stand out are from “Get Your Gunn” and “Wrapped in Plastic”, respectively:
I am the little stick, you stir me into shit…
and
Come into our home, won’t you stay?
I know the steak is cold, but it’s wrapped in plastic…
Anyway, my nomination for the stupidest lyrics of all time… I am a big fan of the industrial group Front Line Assembly. Unfortunately, they aren’t exactly known for their lyrical skills. The nadir was reached on the chorus from their song “Internal Combustion”.
Internal combustion, excessive fear
Finger on the trigger, the bastards are clear
Violent nation, metal machine
Murders coherent, volatile spleen
“Volatile spleen” has become something of an in-joke amongst their fans who refuse to let them live it down.
That’s all I can think of right now, so I will just leave you with this closing thought:
I’m blue, da ba dee da ba da, da ba dee da ba doo, da ba dee da ba da, da ba dee da ba doo, da ba dee da ba daa, da ba dee da ba doo, da ba dee da ba da…
alighty, first off i want to say, ONE by The MIghtY METALLICA is not dumb, it is meant to be depressing, they just lost their bassist for crying out loud. you insensative TWIT. now, as for the stupidest song lryic, i would absolutely have to go with anything by elton john, i hate that dirty rat bastard. then there is always
"people are just people, so why can it be, that you and i should get along so awefully i ferget who did it, but it was a stupid 80’s new wave drivel. so there
“I’m… too sexy for my shirt… so sexy, it hurts…”