Worst lyrics in rock/pop music

I’ve written about many of these before, but I’d like others’ input. Some of the dumbest ever lyrics, IMO (with explanations [if requested] later, as I’m about to be called away from my desk):

Sting, “Russians”
Rush, “The Trees” (almost bad enough to make you dismiss libertarians out of hand)
Richard Harris**, “MacArthur Park” (of course)
I’ve always thought a lot of early Dylan - the more folky/Woodie Guthrie-wannabe stuff - was horrible, especially “Blowin’ in the Wind” and “Masters of War”

Your picks?

Sting should get a special lifetime achievement award for bad lyrics. Even in his Police days, the more serious he tried to be the worse he was.

“I will listen hard to your tuition.
You will see it come to its fruition.”

Huey Lewis and the News have some terrible lyrics too, but never seem to take themselves seriously, so they get a bit of a pass:

“Don’t need money, don’t need fame -
don’t need no credit card to ride this train.”

Train gets the award for shit like

“Hey soul sister, aint that Mister Mister on the radio”

So, not only do they shove some totally irrelevant word in their just so they can rhyme with “sister” but that irrelevant word is the name of an irrelevant pop band from 25 years ago.

And from the same song:

“I’m so obsessed my heart’s about to beat right out (of) my untrimmed chest”.

Sweet Sally, did this tool really just reference his chest hair?

Actually every song of theirs I’ve heard is full of these kinds of pearls of dreck. If this thread is still alive tomorrow I’ll share more pain with you.

One of the true gems that gets trotted out for these lists: I Am…I Said, by Neil Diamond:

I am, I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair

Anything from Nickelback.

There were plants and birds and rocks and things…

In the desert, you can remember your name, 'cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain…

It has to be MacArthur Park.

Funny, I was just warbling along to this on YouTube the other day. I have to agree, it’s a real shame the lyrics are so stupid. Not just dated because they were relevant at the time: “Kruschev said this, Reagan said that - frankly, our politicians suck and all their trash talk is scary! So I hope they want a future for their kids as much as I do for mine, so we don’t blow the planet apart.” Okay, I can get on board with that basic premise, but Jebus, do the lyrics have to be so cheesy?

Anyway, I can’t listen to Lady Gaga because P-p-p-p-p-p-p-polker Face is too stupid.

Van Hagar always wins this contest for me:

Only time will tell if we can stand the test of time.

“Brilliant! Amazing! Now here’s your mop. I need a clean up on aisle 6.”

How about Bob Seager and “Shame on the Moon?”
“Until you’ve been beside a man you don’t know who he knows.”

Sting has had some excellent lyrics as well, though. All This Time was a really good song lyrically.

As was “Synchronicity II”. I think his pretentious dreck far outweighs his gems, though.

Good call. I always thought how bad that one was, too, whenever I heard the song (which, mercifully, hasn’t been for ages).

Sorry, but “MacArthur Park” is poetry compared to Jim Webb’s other paean to LA geography, “Rosecrans Boulevard.” At least “MacArthur Park” rhymed.

Thin Lizzy: “Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak…somewhere in this town

I Got My Mind Set On You

Don’t Worry be Happy

Seems like a loaded question. I agree that Neil Peart is a terrible lyricist, but a dumb lyricist? He at least sounds like he’s read a book or two. I imagine that he would be an interesting person to talk to, and not just for tales of rock group debauchery. I’m not seeing the dumb.

But back on the lyrics themselves, what is wrong with Huey Lewis’s “don’t need no credit card to ride this train”? Scans well, makes some sense, it’s not a bad lyric to me.

I can go with MacArthur Park. There are far worse lyrics (where yo mama gone/chirpy chirpy cheep cheep) but MacArthur Park is probably the worst for a song that is trying so hard to be profound.

But Russians? Really?

I guess you had to be there but it really captured a sentiment that was in the air in Europe in 1985 (No Trident! No Cruise!). I love that song.

I wasn’t there but Masters of War has a similar quality of capturing a moment in history.

I can understand not liking the politics or MoW or Russians but bad lyrics? No way!

Limp Bizkit:

I did it all for the nookie
The nookie
So you can take that cookie
And stick it up your yeah
Stick it up your yeah
Stick it up your yeah
Stick it up your yeah

That’s not the radio version. He really says “yeah”
And my Gold standard for all these threads, Lil’ Wayne:

Swagger tighter than a yeast infection
Fly go hard like geese erection

Yet without it we wouldn’t have This Song Is Just Six Words Long, which was hilarious.