As a child I got a very bad case of poison ivy. It was everywhere. Yes it was there too, my poor nether regions. So my mom is tending to my bedridden, calamined form, and takes a look. She says “Sigh, well you know what we’ll have to do.”
I say… “Cut it off?”
After she stopped laughing, she said “No. We’ll just wait for it to get better.”
“Are you having a boy or a girl?”
:smack:
Today?
Sure we can do that by Friday
Enjoy your vacation, we’ll take care of x and y while you’re away
Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll top them both 
Not that I’ve ever noticed. People do look at me funny somtimes though, I wonder what I said?
They celebrated it by sending us boatloads of guys with rifles for a few years.
I can’t tell if this is mentioned because it dates from a time before people commonly found out ahead of time or because of Barry’s Law*.
How is your husband?
To my professor of whom I knew very well that her husband had died some months ago. She was gracious, but the only thing I could say then was “I’m so sorry, I’m an idiot”. :smack: :smack: :smack:
***Stupidest thing you’ve ever said
Well? Are you going to tell me or not?
To the mother of boy/girl twins “Are they identical?”
When I was a kid, I’d often play games of pickup softball. One time, it was with a bunch of other children I didn’t know. Being a softball expert (ahem), some little girl did something irritating, to which I hollered a correction. She continued in the same manner, happily ignoring me. I yelled again, “What are you, deaf?” to which all her friends turned around at stared at me dumbfounded, screaming YES!
I still blush with embarrassment over that some 35 years later. 
After that, there’s been so many goofy things I’ve said, that I don’t dare take note if them. But trust me, I’m sure they’d be plentiful to mine.
We had a medical conference at work regarding a patient new to our system who had a congenitally absent left forearm. Patient was requesting a prosthetic left hand and arm, despite never having had one before. He’d passed up opportunities to get one in the past, and was functioning adequately in performing his acts of daily living. We had to determine the degree of medical necessity.
In reviewing the case, I wondered which side of his body was neurologically dominant for fine-motor purposes. So I started to ask the attending doctor the following: “Is he right… no, no, scratch that. Stupid question. Of course he’s right handed.”
:smack:
He got approved for a prosthetic.
Because your biological father was there as well?
mmm
Not something I said, but something I did:
I got my color-blind stepdad a rubix cube for Christmas. :smack: Seriously. I always forget he’s colorblind, because he never really talks about it. But I didn’t remember this til after the fact, and I felt completely stupid! He probably thought it was a joke or something.
Kind of combining two:
The stepfather of an ex-girlfriend of mine lost the use of an arm in an accident years ago. He was somewhat self concious about it–he never really talked about it, never drew attention to it, etc. But it wasn’t like he was hiding it or anything.
We flew to the midwest every holiday season to spend time with her [del]nest of harpies[/del] family. So it’s time to go out and get trinkets–low-level stocking-stuffer like things. I love shopping for gifts for people, but I barely knew him, so it was always a challenge. I knew he loved his coffee, carried a Thermos with him to work, etc. So I got him a very nice, stainless steel travel cup (again, these were trinkets, so ‘very nice’ and travel cup pretty much works here).
Maybe a year or so later, I’m standing in a store when travel mugs catch my eye. And it hit me.
I got him a travel mug to use while he’s driving to work…with one working arm. :smack:
One of my classmates was colorblind, the red/yellow kind. When they bought his Rubik’s cube (we were 13 or so when the fad hit), he peeled off the stickers from one of the two sides that he had trouble telling apart.
Almost certainly not the stupidest thing I’ve ever said, but after meeting a friends new boyfriend, I was telling another mutual friend about him. Part of the conversation went like this:
Friend: What does he do for a living?
Me: He’s Australian.
:smack:
I’ll be Australian too, if someone pays me for it.
Up until my mid 20s I spent my life saying really stupid things. Many I’ve worked hard a purging from my mind, but two remain because they are funny (or at least were funny at the time.)
In my late teens, my mom, her boyfriend Mark, and I were going home from the beach. For some reason Mark was giving me a very hard time. I finally get fed up and say, “You’re just trying to cover up your faults by pointing out mine!” :mad:
I was at a pizza place with a salad bar. The salad bar was closing down so a female employee was going around the tables saying, “Last call for the salad bar.” I look at her and go, “It’s the last call girl.” Now I was talking about “last call” but it took her shooting me a dirty look to realize that I just called her a “call girl”. :o
HA!
I’m still not sure which letter to circle on Medicare forms for patients with missing limbs- Dominant side: L/R
Ummm…well, he’d really prefer to use his right hand, except he doesn’t have one…
My teammate made up for my own stupidity with some of his own later that same game. I was trying to get him to guess “humpback whale” and I did so by miming a hunch-backed witch until he guessed “hump” and then miming a whale spouting water until he guessed “whale.” He failed to put them together and when time was up said “what kind of whale has a hump?”