Stupidest way you have injured yourself

[stui_magpie]

Some wonderful stories here.

Personally most of the more stupid things haven’t resulted in injury while some of the more mundane things have.

Dueling with roman candle fireworks, putting .22 bullets on the floor and dropping a sledge hammer on them to see what would happen, flushing a waterproof detonator down the toilet at high school, none of these resulted in injury.

Yet I’ve broken my arms, nose and wrecked ankles and knees doing very mundane things. Put my back out pruning the rose bush and was incapacitated for a week.

One of my better stories involves stupidity, alcohol and some dope.

Years ago, my street had a lot of people early 20’s living there. The warmer weather was a great time to light a bonfire in the park at the end of the street and sit round having a few beers. One night, one of the guys bought a friend down, a visitor from Zimbabwe who we immediately christened “Jonty”.

Sometime late, after lots of beers and a couple of joints i was out of cigarettes. Sober enough to know I was way too drunk to drive to the nearest 24 hour but drunk enough to think it would be a good idea to ride an old pushbike there with Jonty balanced on the handlebars for company.

To get there from my place involved basically going up hill then down hill. Going down hill to the store I suddenly realised the old bike had no brakes when I was trying to decelerate to head in the shop carpark, resulting in me and Jonty ending up laying in the middle of the road watching cars fly past us on every side and wondering why our clothes were ripped and we were bleeding.

Anyway, smokes purchased we headed off back to my place on the bike.

Now, if you were paying attention earlier a few things would now be falling in place.

1. Downhill to my place
2. No Brakes
3. Bonfire.

Yep, you guessed it, we came barreling down the hill straight at the bonfire when i remembered, “Oh, shit. That’s right, we got no brakes”.

Jonty landed clean in the bonfire and was out again in a split second just slightly singed. I went in and out on one edge without a lick.

Next morning was not pretty. I had abrasions and bruises over just about everywhere.

[KRC]

Sat on a cactus during a hike. Ran around with stickers in the heiny for 6 weeks because I was too proud to go to the ER and admit I’d made such a Wile E Coyote error.

[Angel_of_the_Lord]

I was fourteen. We had a guy come and teach my class about flint napping. Except with obsidian. He warned us that obsidian could get extremely sharp. He also knocked off a bunch of pieces within reach of me.

Now, I was a rock nut. Still am. So I snagged a piece. No problem; I was careful handling it. But then my idiot teenage brain had a thought: How sharp could it be? So I dragged the edge against the side of my hand in a line just below my right thumb. I didn’t put that much pressure on it.

Turns out, obsidian is exactly as sharp as broken glass. Whoda thunk it, right?

So now I have a hairline scar there, sixteen years later.

[Irishman]

Reminded of another. I was 9 or 10. My siblings and I were horsing around in the living room. We were spinning around in circles to get as dizzy as possible and enjoy the effect. I spun around for the dozenth time, wobbled over, and did a face plant on a wooden rocking chair. I sheared my front tooth clean in half. Called the dentist, made emergency appointment, got tooth glued back in place, saved the nerve.

About a year later, a trip on the field at school resulted in a second bump that knocked the tooth again. Lost the end, but the glue from the previous effort protected the nerve till I went home hours later and told the parents, and got another trip to the dentist. This time got pins drilled in and a temporary crown installed. Whee.

[Mallard]

I had never fired a rifle with a scope on it and one day I was shooting at various objects in a field with a guy I knew who had a 303 with a scope on it. I held his rifle with the scope too close to my forehead and sliced my forehead but good when I fired the rifle. Two goofy things about that incident; one was that I hit what I was shooting at a good 150 yards away, dead on, and second, he and his wife split some years later and I ended up marrying her.

[AtomicDog]

Grabbing a hot soldering iron by the tip.

[Irishman]

@Mallard

Two goofy things about that incident; one was that I hit what I was shooting at a good 150 yards away, dead on, and second, he and his wife split some years later and I ended up marrying her.

But who got custody of the rifle?

Similarly, I went skeet shooting one time with a group. I had shot a shotgun before, but it had been a while, I was using a borrowed gun, and I’ve not really done a lot of shooting. So trying to follow and aim on the skeet, I was leaning in to sight along the barrel. Ended up giving myself a black eye.

[Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge]

Well the other night I walked into the edge of a chair and gave myself a huge gash and a black eye. That was fun.

[JBDivmstr]

@Angel_of_the_Lord

I was fourteen. We had a guy come and teach my class about flint napping. Except with obsidian. He warned us that obsidian could get extremely sharp. He also knocked off a bunch of pieces within reach of me.

Now, I was a rock nut. Still am. So I snagged a piece. No problem; I was careful handling it. But then my idiot teenage brain had a thought: How sharp could it be? So I dragged the edge against the side of my hand in a line just below my right thumb. I didn’t put that much pressure on it.

Turns out, obsidian is exactly as sharp as broken glass. Whoda thunk it, right?

So now I have a hairline scar there, sixteen years later.

That stuff is sharp ain’t it!? :eek:

[smsaks2000]

Broke my left collar bone stage diving at a Crumbsuckers concert when I was 16.

Luckily, there was a hospital next door to the venue…so my brother scraped me off the floor and dragged my to the emergency room.
That sucked. I missed half the show.

[Irishman]

I know a stripper who is tall and lean and flexible. She’s kicked herself in the head going around the pole.

[Tethered_Kite]

After reading here I guess I don’t feel so stoopid. It’s hard to know whether to laugh or cry.

A few years ago I woke up one morning and instead of getting right out of bed I decided to read for a while. I put the book on my pillow and sat cross-legged in front of it. And I sat that way so long that my foot went to sleep. But I didn’t immediately notice it. When I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stepped down I put my full weight on the outside edge of my foot. It hadn’t straightened out!

The noise it made was gruesome. Sure enough, I’d cracked a bone. So I spent about six weeks in a brace-thingy.

I called my mom and told her and she said, “Kite, you’ve got to be more careful.” My response? “You never told me it could be so dangerous getting out of bed.”

The only good thing about it was that it happened in the winter and I could joke that it was the result of a skiing accident.

[Longshanks]

When I was a kid I was rocking on a chair after a while I happened to fall backwards and smash the back of my head in to the plug in the socket. I was left with a small hole in the back of my head.

[Sailboat]

@Zargon

I have also drawn blood with a pizza crust. These are not my proudest moments.

Not so much stupid as inexplicable. Sharing a pizza with a friend. He ate an entire slice with gusto; after he’d done so, I picked up a slice of the same pizza and immediately got a blister from touching it.

@Enright3

It was also common to drop your tab into your beer can before drinking it so you didn’t litter with your beer tab. This is not a good idea though if you get into a chugging contest. Only by the grace of God, was I able to will myself into not swallowing that last gush of beer and reach into my own throat and pull the tab out of my mouth. I wasn’t injured but it gets honorable mention because it was such a stupid thing to do.

Not something that happened to me, but a friend of my little sister sported one hell of a shiner and broken blood vessels in her eye when I went to visit them in college. I asked what happened, and it turned out they had been playing the drinking game “quarters.” Somehow she chugged down a quarter and choked on the coin so hard she burst blood vessels in her eye and face. The other partygoers had been on the verge of calling 911 or trying a Heimlich maneuver when she finally got the thing out and could breath again.

@JBDivmstr

‘Little brothers’… Sometimes, they’re a blessing.
Other times, you wish you were an ‘only child’. :mad:
(I have three younger brothers.)

Speaking of brothers and stupid ways to get hurt, I split my brother’s forehead open with a soft stuffed bunny. Well, I threw it at him and he leaped aside into a projecting corner of the dormer ceiling splitting his skin open and bleeding like crazy.

[KneadToKnow]

@Sailboat

Not so much stupid as inexplicable. Sharing a pizza with a friend. He ate an entire slice with gusto; after he’d done so, I picked up a slice of the same pizza and immediately got a blister from touching it.

Everybody knows doing things with gusto makes you cool. His coolness evidently insulated him from the heat of the pizza in question.

[Skywatcher]

@Longshanks

When I was a kid I was rocking on a chair after a while I happened to fall backwards and smash the back of my head in to the plug in the socket. I was left with a small hole in the back of my head.

You had an electric rocking chair?

[Longshanks]

^The chair was near the wall which had a socket in it.

[Kobal2]

I once broke a clavicle by falling off a tree. A *fallen *tree. Like, the horizontal kind.

I also ripped a foot open with a recurved tent peg. I was running barefoot around the tent because… reasons, I suppose ?