I vote possible subtle racism, but part of the problem is I’ve never lived in your area, so I don’t really know.
I think if this happened to you here, some of the questions would seem to be the guy trying to figure out how you are affording the services; and part of him wondering is because of color. (Then again, if that happened here the guy would be asking you where you went to church, and where is your mama and daddy from, and what college ball team you root for, whether you like Ford or Chevy, etc. )
“What do you do for a living?” is not an interrogation. It’s a question that most people wouldn’t think twice about, much less get upset over. I don’t work, but pretty much every doctor I went to has asked me where I go to school. The doctor asked OP a question that white people get asked all the time. What should the doctor have done differently? If he didn’t ask the question, then it could also mean he doesn’t like getting to know black people.
If the OP is going to go around projecting his own fears into neutral actions then it’s going to get him nowhere. He’s free to do it if he wants, but what’s the point?
I hate small talk as well. It’s not just a black person thing. The thing is that no one gives a shit. Most of the world uses small talk to connect with each other. It’s not even about the substance of what is said, it’s all about the gesture of talking to someone, which opens an invitation to talk back and to get to know each other.
I don’t think the doctor was supposed to look at a black guy and go “black people like small talk less than white people, so I should tone it down.” Do you?
Of course not. But I have a feeling the OP wasn’t throwing off a lot of signals that screamed, “Ask my kid and I every question under the sun!” either.
I think it is next to impossible for a white person to understand what a lifetime of subtle (and not so subtle) racism and being treated as “less than” does to your psyche. Of course this incident seems harmless to people who take being treated with respect and dignity as a given. It is easy for people who don’t have the same life experience to tell you that you have a chip on your shoulder, or that questioning this is an overreaction. I don’t think they are being jerks for feeling that way, but I do think it indicates significant ignorance and lack of overlapping experience on their part.
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I think if you came away from that appointment with unease, and even thought to wonder if it was or wasn’t racism, that it probably was. After all, I assume this wasn’t the first time something like this got your spidey senses tingling.
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Does that mean the doc is on par with a klansman? Of course not, but his attitude was certainly enough to make you question whether or not you want to continue as his patient. And I don’t think that’s an overreaction at all.
No one is sending those kinds of signals. You can ask anyone about where they work when you’re making small talk.
I don’t think questioning anything is an overreaction. An overreaction would be taking some action because of what the doctor asked. I would even argue that not answering with a direct occupation was a bit too defensive.
Before you go assuming all white people don’t know what they are talking about, consider that some white people have seen racist behavior from people who usually hide it. They might be in a better position to know who’s racist than black people who have to make vague guesses about neutral behavior.
I don’t think that’s what I said. I’m white, and I have some idea of what I’m talking about most of the time. But I won’t pretend that I can truly understand the day-to-day experiences of black people, or other minorities. When one of my girlfriends tells anecdotes about “minor” (to her, I’d freak out! lol) incidents that happen every single day, I realize just how much of a charmed life I live.
We take so many things for granted, being treated politely, not being eyed suspiciously, not hearing whispers, and not having our dentists ask 20 frickin’ questions. I always tell her if I had to deal with the stuff she does that I would most definitely have a chip on my shoulder. She laughs and tells me you can either go around like that, or you can let it roll off like water off a duck’s back and keep going with your life, not allowing other people to decide who you are and what your worth is. I love her for that. Her strength and grace speak for her, rather than letting any racist a-hole engage her in a stupid conflict over a place in line at the convenience store.
Again, I say, I’d flip out if I got treated that way. Whenever I hear someone say something about “angry” black folks, I wanna say, “Duh!” (Not that I feel all black people are angry, just that I couldn’t fault them if they were.)
Noting how so few black people live in my neighborhood was an indicator as to why the doc would find it odd that I live there.
Redistricting the school district homogenized it as before it was very diverse when kids were being bussed to the school of their choice. I initially mentioned the racial divide here geographically.
What threw me off was that I was asked what I do for a living as I was walking out of the door, not during the consultation. Didn’t feel like JUST small talk when presented that way.
Whether or not it was racism we can debate about all day. My personal experiences, biases etc. are what I don’t want to pass on to my son. That’s why I played it down to non-issue status in front of him at the doc’s office.
I too am curious about this obvious racial divide in the Pacific Northwest. I was born and raised there (I’m in my fifties) and it’s true that we didn’t have a lot of black people living there. Even so, one of my closest friends from grades 1-12 was black.
I can understand your concern about your dentist - sometimes it’s not just the words (in this case, the questions) but the overall vibe. I assume you’ve had to deal with racism all your life so you must have picked up on something.
This does not even quality as classism. You were giving mixed financial signals - baseball cap and private school - and you gave an ambiguous answer about your job.
I think this is an example of anti-racism. My dentist would have asked outright if I could afford the work.
The only obvious racism area I can think of is northern Idaho/Eastern Washington near the Coeur d’alene and Spokane area. The KKK and skinheads had bought land up there but I don’t know if it’s a problem still or not. Otherwise I don’t know what you’re talking about.
How common is dental insurance though? I always assumed it was relatively rare and therefore, paying by check would be seen as more impressive. Sort of an “I’ve got enough money that I don’t need a credit card to cover this expense” thing.
If there was any ulterior motive behind the dentist’s small talk (and asking kids where they go to school is so common that I get the question even now well into my 20s) it was in trying to determine if you just merely well off or if you were “rich.”
