I would’ve thought the questions were mostly nosiness and partly an attempt to see what the traffic would bear as far as further dental work, something the dentist might or might not have been as probing about with a white guy dressed similarly and paying cash - so possibly some subtle racism (I wasn’t there to get all the vibes).
Damn, every time you set a standard for nonsense you manage to surpass yourself.
The fact that you think it is important to note how many black people live in your neighborhood & how re-districting is re-segregation, and you find something racist about someone asking what you do for a living tells me you may be a bit preoccupied with race.
In the least, you have a giant chip on your shoulder.
Me and my ex (now) wife were the only whites living in a totally black/.asian area in Northampton (England),up by the Mounts,we had a totally smashing time.
They were the best neighbours ever.
I find it interesting that at least three people here got it in their minds that you paid with cash when you said check. Subtle assumptions again, or just sloppy reading? 
…
Oops, guess I wasn’t meticulous either. :rolleyes: I was going by the bulleted point,
So, explain this discrepancy, sir!!
When you are paying with a check it is generally paying with cash that’s in the account and not on credit, and not by an insurance copay. It’s all out of pocket.
What have you got against Scottish devil-worshippers?!
To the OP I vote classism, if that, but probably just “how much can I wring out of this guy?”
Right, but the relevant question here is the perception of what kind of person pays with cash versus credit card versus check.
I think we can understand how paying with cash in some circumstances signals low status–you don’t have enough money to bother with banking, have to count each and every dollar, come from a culture that mistrusts or has no use for banks, or perhaps have illicit income. Checks strike me as a considerably higher-class signal, sometimes higher than credit cards nowadays with the slight anachronism of a paper-based transaction and the awareness that paying by card may mean that you don’t have the money.
It was a lower case t.
Based on the dialogue, there’s no indication of racism. I understand that the OP thought this guy was giving him “a look,” (and maybe he was) but some people just look weird or have awkward social skills. I hate to stereotype, especially in a racism thread, but most dentists I’ve met looked a little weird and were kind of socially awkward.
From the sound of it he might have been worried about whether or not you’d be able to make payments (i.e. no bounced checks) for some reason. Was it because of the way your were dressed or was it based on the color of your skin? I honestly can’t say. As a white male I’ve never really had to worry about racism affecting me directly. If I get bad service during an economic transaction, if someone is rude to me, or if I’m ignored it never occurs to me that it might have anything to do with my skin color even if the person I’m interacting with is a different race.
Maybe it’s a bit silly for me to add “maybe” to the discussion. I just think it would be unfair to dismiss your concerns out of hand.
Whether it was racism or not, it seems to me that you’re not out of line for wanting to be comfortable in your interactions with a medical professional. Even if it’s just innocent social awkwardness, if he’s making you feel uncomfortable, I don’t see anything wrong with opting for a different dentist.
I’m white and have been asked the exact same questions from my dentist. Seems like small talk. I don’t see the big deal.
I vote possible subtle racism but that doesn’t make it a “big deal”. As you are well aware, as a black dude you’ve faced a million little paper cuts like this. Individually they don’t sting so bad. So I say it’s a shruggable offense–meaning you can just shrug it off if otherwise his service was decent.
I just dumped my real estate agent because of, among other things, things that pinged on my “racial/classist prejudice” radar. It’s not an especially sensitive radar, mind you, and I was willing to let some comments pass. But I don’t do well being condescended to, even if it’s on a subconscious level.
On the Jeffersons Louise asks George how he could deal with a man “like that.” And George acknowledges the man is a racist. His favourite color is green.
I have no idea whether the exchange was racist, but this thread is not a debate. It seems to be a bit more like a poll, so off it goes to IMHO.
My best guess it is the dentist making forced small talk. He probably went to a conference or read an article about trying to be more patient friendly and ‘relate’ to people. Probably trying to use the FORD (Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams) method. However, he probably hates small talk and doesn’t do it very well.
I would assume small talk, too, partly based on how he responded when you said you were a civil servant. That sounds like one of those “I don’t really want to talk about the subject” type of responses. You were probably putting off a vibe that the question bothered you, since it obviously did.
Deciding if something racism usually isn’t just from the act itself, but from a pattern of behaviors. There are outrageously racist statements and actions, but it’s usually more subtle than that. From what you describe, the dentist treated you fairly up until one statement that may have been racist, and then was considerate of your unease afterwards. I just don’t get racism from that.
Does that make sense?
I would stop trying to figure out motivations behind neutral actions. This thread can go on for ten pages and you still won’t be any closer to figuring out why the doctor asked his question.
Teach your son the same thing. It will save him a lot of useless anger and resentment in the future.
What is neutral to some is obviously not neutral to others. The OP is perfectly free to feel bothered by the doctor’s questions. And the doctor is free to keep being nosy. But one day, the latter is going to pick the wrong person to interrogate (seriously, why did he have to ask ALL those questions? Why not just a couple?) People need to quit being so damn talkative and just get down to business, for pete’s sake. Makes for less trouble in the long run.
Perhaps black people are particularly sensitive to the familiarity described in the OP. The sensitivity may be a cultural thing that is tied to historical racism. For instance, my father goes by a name that already sounds like a nickname (Pete). Some white people can’t seem to deal with this–they always want to rename him “Petey”. You know, just joshing around. But in the back of my father’s head, he carries with him the pre-Civil Rights era when black men and women weren’t addressed by titles like white people were, and referred to by any ole name. So there’s a reflex there when he hears someone diminutizing his name. A white person might feel annoyed by this too, but it just wouldn’t carry with it the same intensity because the history isn’t there.
From my experience, white people tend to be more familiar with strangers than black people are. Not saying that black people are more private or aloof, but they don’t tend to get all up in someone’s business as a way of making small talk.
When the OP mentioned the questions about schools and address, my radar pinged. Those things are indicators of group membership–whether it be class or race. If you say the wrong thing, in the wrong way, you mark yourself as being an outsider. So I don’t think the OP’s assessment is off-base at all. I probably would have felt the same way.
Of course, I’m biased. But so is everyone else in this thread.