My Dad: Racial Sensitivity vs. Reality. A near pitting.

[Only_Mostly_Dead]

I very nearly pitted my father just now. Why? His cellphone was stolen this morning as he was working and out on a delivery. When he got home and contacted my mother, his first words upon learning she got hold of the thief on the phone was “is he a nigger?” Obviously I bristled at such blatant (if infrequent) racism.

But then I thought, for what my family has experienced personally of race relations, maybe it wasn’t such an out-of-line question.

While at a movie at Baltimore’s historic Senator theater a few months back, my mother’s brand Chrysler was spraypainted with “Bitch! I fucking hate PTs.” The neighborhood is predominantly black, and the serial spraypainter(s) (who also got four other silver cars in the lots that night) were thought to be two black youths who were seen loitering mischievously around the area.

I was forced to move out of my dorm room freshman year of college because I genuinely feared for my safety after my roommate threatened, quite earnestly, to “fuck me up.” I believed him, the school really didn’t. Luckily, they were able to move me to another dorm location, but not after a lot of trouble and worry to my entire family, and my dorm contents being in a car for three straight days. The race of the roommate? Black.

Last of major events that I can think of, at least for now, is simply my dad’s entire time in teaching at two fairly low-funded public schools with large minority populations. Including the many violence and death threats he received while on the job (some of which were followed up on by the administration and found to be serious enough for disciplinary action) and even a select few on us, his family.

I have to think that he’s not really racist. At the very worst, he may now be, but it wasn’t always the case; instead he was pushed to it by a lifetime of really very significant events perpetrated by black people, with surprisingly few corresponding insults from other races. Either way, I can’t bring myself to pit him for his comment, because I fear I probably would have a similar thought about the race of my thief (as well as socioeconomic condition, education, and drug dependency). And I think in my case, as well as what I could easily choose to project on him as a result of this disproportionate number of race-referenced incidents, I’d at least briefly entertain the stereotypes, consider the racism, because it’s worked out too many times in the past.

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Having lived in Harford County, I have encountered that sort of racism time and again. It’s what prompted our move into Bawlmer County. You take someone (me) who has lived their entire life nearly racism free, and plop them down in Havre de Grace - bad things happen.

My father, (who did not raise me) who lives in Alberta, is a bigot. He wouldn’t say that he is, though. My step-sister married a black man, and lives in Queens, NYC. The way dad told me: “Tammy went off and married a nigger”. I slapped him - and it was the last time I have ever heard that word out of his mouth. He has learned to be more sensitive, or at least more close-mouthed, around me. I have made it clear that I won’t tolerate such things around my son or myself.

I hope your dad gets over it. How can you be racist when you live in a racially integrated society? Assholes are assholes, black, white, or yellow. The skin doesn’t matter, it’s what is inside.

[Sassafras]

I predict this thread will get ugly pretty darn quick.

[Kalhoun]

@Only Mostly Dead

I very nearly pitted my father just now. Why? His cellphone was stolen this morning as he was working and out on a delivery. When he got home and contacted my mother, his first words upon learning she got hold of the thief on the phone was “is he a nigger?” Obviously I bristled at such blatant (if infrequent) racism.

Anyone in this day and age who uses the word “nigger” IS racist. I don’t give a shit who stole the cell phone.

But then I thought, for what my family has experienced personally of race relations, maybe it wasn’t such an out-of-line question.

The fact that it was the first thought that came to his mind is pretty indicative of where his head’s at…

While at a movie at Baltimore’s historic Senator theater a few months back, my mother’s brand Chrysler was spraypainted with “Bitch! I fucking hate PTs.” The neighborhood is predominantly black, and the serial spraypainter(s) (who also got four other silver cars in the lots that night) were thought to be two black youths who were seen loitering mischievously around the area.

My car was spraypainted years ago. In a white neighborhood in an almost entirely white town.

I was forced to move out of my dorm room freshman year of college because I genuinely feared for my safety after my roommate threatened, quite earnestly, to “fuck me up.” I believed him, the school really didn’t. Luckily, they were able to move me to another dorm location, but not after a lot of trouble and worry to my entire family, and my dorm contents being in a car for three straight days. The race of the roommate? Black.

I was burgled, had a knife pulled on me, and nearly raped in a mixed neighborhood. The race of all the perps? White.

Last of major events that I can think of, at least for now, is simply my dad’s entire time in teaching at two fairly low-funded public schools with large minority populations. Including the many violence and death threats he received while on the job (some of which were followed up on by the administration and found to be serious enough for disciplinary action) and even a select few on us, his family.

I have to think that he’s not really racist. At the very worst, he may now be, but it wasn’t always the case; instead he was pushed to it by a lifetime of really very significant events perpetrated by black people, with surprisingly few corresponding insults from other races. Either way, I can’t bring myself to pit him for his comment, because I fear I probably would have a similar thought about the race of my thief (as well as socioeconomic condition, education, and drug dependency). And I think in my case, as well as what I could easily choose to project on him as a result of this disproportionate number of race-referenced incidents, I’d at least briefly entertain the stereotypes, consider the racism, because it’s worked out too many times in the past.

If that were the case, I’d have to have a serious hard-on with white people. Fighting racism means you have to force yourself to consider all the possibilities when this sort of thing happens to you. Most perpetrators are young. Does that mean you assume the worst from anyone younger than 30? Of course not. Even when it appears a trend is developing, there are myriad reasons a person turns to a life of crime. Education, family life, economics, mental illness, teen-age stupidity…all of these things would play a part before the color of a person’s skin. Fighting ignorance means you have to make an effort. It ain’t gonna just fall into your lap. Use your head. Racism is an easy out to the world’s problems. In my opinion, it only serves to make people look stupid.

[Only_Mostly_Dead]

@GingerOfTheNorth

Assholes are assholes, black, white, or yellow. The skin doesn’t matter, it’s what is inside.

I don’t know if I should read that as my dad’s an asshole, the thief is an asshole, I’m an asshole, or some combination of all three. I often think the third one myself, so as to save any trouble of getting offended over such things.

And of course, it almost seems obligatory to say that both he and I have friends of all different races. Enemies that run the spectrum, too. I’m pretty sure that now, about an hour after, the thought has completely erased itself from his mind, and it’s now just “some idiot punk who stole my phone but was too dumb to take the charger too.”

Not sure it’s relevant, but both teaching positions were in good ol’ Bawmer County (Old Court Middle and Overlea High), as of course is the Senator. I’ll just chalk it up to a general decline in western civilization, I think.

[Only_Mostly_Dead]

Kalhoun, thank you. I wrote my post a bit hastily, and upon previewing saw a number of faults, which you managed to hit upon. It’s true that it’s deplorable to use such a word at any time*, and it was my shock and disgust at hearing him say it that made me want to write the post. Instead, it came off sounding very apologetic for his behavior. I did awkwardly confront him and he admitted it was said in frustration, where even the best of us say and do amazingly stupid things. (There’s an IMHO survey to ask…)

I know that there are so many other factors at work in these sort of things that can often be correlated with race, as I think I mentioned in my OP, and I know that correlation does not mean causation. I was just trying to figure out what was in his head to say such a thing, and this is what I came up with. I’ve had my own share of suffering at the hands of white people (like when I was routinely harassed, threatened, and even occasionally mildly attacked for my alleged homosexuality by one king idiot, despite my being straight).

Mods, if you want to just let this thread die an early death, I’d prefer it to sparking any sort of racism argument.

*Not going to get into the African-American cooptation of the word “nigger” as a means of empowerment.