Subway Stories

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In the True Life Surreal Stories thread (3/4 down) Lizochka gave a very surreal anecdote of the subway indeed. She also said anyone who “lives in New York has their share of surreal subway stories what with all the wackies we’ve got.” Seems sensible there’d be a large store of Subway Lore out there and I think it should be collected in a thread.

Unfortunately, I live in Houston which does not have any subway system of its own to speak of, so whatever story I contribute I will have to reach far back into my mind to remember. However, one of my favorite is the “Dead man on the subway”, wherein a passenger who “fixes another rider with an unrelenting stare” turns out to be a corpse.

2

A few months ago I went to an Eagles game and got very drunk before the game. (I rarely get very drunk) I tried to watch the game up until halftime at which point I suddenly found myself outside Vet stadium walking up Broad street alone. Two people put me on a subway. For the very first time I WAS the drunk guy on the subway. I had no idea where I was going and I had the presence of mind to get off the train in center city instead of riding it to the end of the line.

I didn’t take off my clothes, try to channel spirits or craft aluminun foil into an antenna that would recieve “signals”. I just sat there quiet, one white guy on a train car filled with black people. I bring that up because usually the drunk people I’ve seen on trains happened to be black mainly because the Els in philly run mostly through black neighborhoods.
I’m not racist but I couldn’t help but notice that I was the only white guy on that train and I was stone drunk.

3

Blackeyes, what a great idea! Thanks for linking to my story in the other thread – I hope everyone enjoys it. If you like, I can repost it here, though I am not sure if that is acceptable SDMB behavior…?

As I mentioned in the other thread, I have loads of these wacky tales. Witness:

Puerto Rican Day Parade, 2001
A man in a donkey suit (complete with a jingle belled tail) shimmies into the train, begins singing, of all things, La Bamba. Then he does the badonkadonk butt dance, backing it up directly into my roommate’s face. Charming.

Excuse me sir, I can see your balls, parts I and II
Part I – my roommate and I are returning home from a bar, and what to our wondering eyes should appear but a nasty set of nuts. The “gentleman” sitting across from us had a truly huge hole in the crotch of his pants, you see, and he was sitting with his knees about three feet apart, giving us quite a show. He seemed completely oblivious, despite our raucous drunken giggles.

Part II – again, my unfortunate roommate and I are on the train, not drunk this time. A horrifying dirty smelly man sits down directly across from us, opens his legs, and BINGO – nutsack. In fact, the hole in his pants was so large, the balls were actually hanging out to the point of touching the bench. Um, ew. My roommate, who has little to no self-control, was unabashedly staring at the spectacle even as we stood up to exit the train. Horrifying dirty smelly man took note of her stare, pointed to his crotch, and announced, “Come get some.” We booked it off that train, you can be sure.

Don’t even get me started on the number of times I’ve walked into trains decorated with a pile of vomit, or better yet, feces. Nothing like feces to start your day, folks!