Thanks for coming into my yard and cutting all my flowers from their stems. I guess you wanted a bouquet and couldn’t afford to go to the fucking flower shop so you decided to steal the flowers from my fucking yard. My kids and I planted those flowers ya know? Oh, you didn’t know? Well, you probably didn’t know that my daughter started to cry when we got home yesterday and saw all the stems sticking up with no flowers on them. Guess you don’t give a shit that the flowers were on private property and you weren’t welcome to them. Maybe I should put an electric fence around my garden so you don’t come back and pick my tomatoes, eh?!? Thanks for making my daughter cry mother fucker. I hope you do come back for more and I hope I’m home the next time you do. I’ve got a sling shot and pellets with your name on them and they’re going to be aimed at your ass! Fucker!
what an awsome thread title!! sorry bout the flowers, but what an awsome thread title!!
I have seen posters with the same sad story on the gardening forum I frequent (written in a slightly less explosive style, but the basic sentiments are the same). Plant and flower thieves are vermin.
At least they didn’t yank entire plants out of the ground, which some thieves have been known to do.
I loved the title as well and marveled at how the meaning changed when I inserted a comma at different places. Fuck juice? Fuck juice? Doesn’t exactly sound sodium free.
This isn’t exactly what you wanted, but this thread, and the title, gave me the smile I’ve been needing all day.
Thanks!
Are you sure it was people, and not wildlife? I was so mad one year when it looked like all my tulips had been cleanly cut - the just-opened flowers gone, leaving the foliage and about half the stems. After further investigation, I found deer prints. Rabbits can do quite a bit of damage too.
I should add, I live right in town and so i didn’t suspect deer at first. But even it town, deer are possible.
I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a rabbit or a deer. I live in town too and have neighbors on either side of me and some across the alley behind the house. I haven’t seen animals around here except dogs and cats and I doubt they ate all the flowers. The flowers stems were about 4 feet high so I doubt it was a rabbit and I doubt a deer would come that close to our houses. Besides, about 40 flowers had bloomed along side the house and about 20-30 more around the garage out back. I really think someone came along and cut them. I can tell they weren’t just broke off because the tops of the stem are too even and unjagged. My kids used to go out about twice a week and pick 1 or 2 flowers so I know what the stems looked like when the kids ripped the flowers from them. Our neighbors to the south (where the flowers were) are on vacation and the other neighbors aren’t home during the day so I doubt anyone saw anything. it just really pisses me off that someone has the balls to walk around my house and my yard and take my shit! I’m tempted to write a letter to the editor and just hope the bastards read it! In fact… I think I’ll do that.
I’m glad you all enjoyed the thread title. It just seemed really appropriate considering what happened! 
My tulips were close to the house too (right underneath my bay window!) when the deer did it - but in my experience deer strike at night, not during the day when there are more people/traffic about. But it is surprising that people would come that close to the house and take them, too. I have had kids steal my flowers that are down by the street, but then again I have had some polite kids ask if they could take some of my flowers too.
I planted a whole flat of impatiens between my hosta this year, and those damned rabbits ate every single one of them! Totally my fault, I’ve been giving the baby rabbits apples and stuff…I thought maybe they would stay away from my flowers if they had other food…
Man! Great thread title…sounds somehow tempting and insulting at the same time…
Fuck Juice Flower Thieves…
BAND NAME!!
Yes! I’m never the first one to say it! Woohoo!
You know, I never have planted flowers but one time in my life. I go into my yard almost never. I avoid anything having to do with greenery and plant-life. Which is a good thing, because if I even consider the idea, flowers and shrubs within a hundred miles of me begin dying.
However, my mother is nothing short of a Master Horticulturist. She thinks, Oooh, flower! Grow!
And botanical gardens grow in acres.
She has a magnolia tree that was dying and less than two feet tall in her front yard that now has risen at least twenty feet higher than her house, and the city has been screaming at her to keep it out of the road. It looks like the Redwood of All Magnolias.
People used to do this to her all the time. WHY??? I know her flowers and plants are simply breathtaking to behold, but Goddammit, you lazy petunia-fuckers, get out of my mother’s gorgeous yard! There’re eighty gazillion florists in town that are not only reasonable, but don’t mind you coming in to get a few daisies for the kitchen table. If you’re too cheap to go buy them, then don’t be surprised when she calls the cops when she catches you casually walking up to her flower beds and stealing her beautiful garden blind.
I truly understand how you feel, Kiki. Get your slingshot out and load it with pecans or sharp rocks. I hope you have good aim. Those thieves deserve everything you can give 'em.
[sub]Knowing my mother, it’s truly a miracle she never used her shotgun…[/sub]
Uh-oh. It’s definitely wedding season again.
Dude, sorry, but my girlfriend and I just made up and I needed to show her I care, and I was out of money to go to the flowershop. I’m sure you would understand if you were as young and brilliant as myself!
Or perhaps it was a unicorn. Oh wait. Unicorns are mythical beasts.*
*Gratuitous James Thurber reference.
Damn. I cut a daisy from a [public] flowerbed to use in my photos the other day. I didn’t think of it until I saw them there, so bright and yellow. Now I feel guilty. 
Title kinda turned me on. 
Sucks your flowers got robbed - they’ll grow back soon enough though - least it wasn’t your house or car or something.
They took 60-70 flowers? That doesn’t even sound like someone getting a last minute bouquet, that sounds like someone selling them on. Shame for you and your daughter, I know I’d be enraged too. A lot of work goes into nurturing flowers, especially to that height. Hope your daughter isn’t discouraged from growing more (nor you).
I feel your pain; last year some bastard picked every single one of the gooseberries on my whole row of bushes.
A local here, a champion rosegrower, sick of having his blooms stolen at night, rigged up fishing wire and fish-hooks strung between the plants, so someone walking round the garden in the night would get snagged (and they did).