As a minister of the Universal Life Church, I’ve solemnized six or so weddings. Tomorrow I’ll be officiating for my nephew and his fiancé.
My weddings are a combination wedding/performance art. All involved understand this. You do not ask your crazy atheist friend/uncle to perform a wedding and expect white-bread. My last wedding had a spectacular dove release that nobody (even the couple) knew about. I shoot for an even mix of laughter and tears.
My nephew was involved heavily in wrestling. He was a state champion in high school and coached the team after graduation. For my intro, a friend who does sound for concerts has set me up with a great sound system, including an “echo/reverb” pedal. I’ll begin the ceremony (outdoors) with “Laaaadies and Gentlmen, are you ready for today’s main event?”
(I’ve always purposely conflated his wrestling with “professional” wrestling)
After the intro, there is mostly just heart felt talk about the bride and groom, blah, blah, blah. So, I need an outro.
Have them walk under a line of folding chairs being held overhead by the ushers and bridesmaids, but I wouldn’t recommend smashing them across the rear with them.
The pro wrestling theme makes it tough because after the main event not much happens and the audience gets up to leave. You could have a competing [del]tag team[/del]couple run [del]down to the ring[/del] up to the altar to beat them up, the newlyweds kick the interloper’s asses, more applause from the guests, but then you still need an outro.
How about having the wedding party members hoist the couple up on their shoulders and carry them down the aisle while Eye of the Tiger plays?
Great suggestions, but a bit late to work out the details (then again, maybe not; rehearsal dinner tonight).
I’ve failed to come up with a way to incorporate the bride’s occupation (she works with mentally challenged adults). Too easy to be offensive, and my ceremonies are never offensive, except possibly to the ultra-religious.
The groom works with either concrete or cement, I never keep the two straight.
Have the organist play Mendelssohn’s Wedding March from A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and let the bride and groom pass down the aisle at a stately tempo as they smile and wave to all the friends and relatives.
Have the bride and bridesmaids jump up at the opening notes and the groom and groomsmen chase them out. If they’re brave enough, the bridesmaids could slightly disrobe on cue and run out in a state of undress. I mean, it’s got nothing to do with the rest of the ceremony, but who would ever forget a Benny Hill-themed wedding outro?
Using the “announcer” voice, “And now, introducing, Bill-Kat*, new world champion newlyweds!” Confetti drop and/balloon drop, if you can manage it in the time remaining. Can you get some sashes to drop on them, or a big gaudy belt they can hold up?
*Some mash up of their names that sounds pro-wrestling-ish
Make a big gaudy looking belt with an old sash and some tinfoil.
Hold the belt over your head dramatically, looking back and forth between the two of them. Have the ushers and bridesmaids prepared to lead the audience in cheering for their preferred recipient. Hold it first over one head, then over the other. If you’ve got the crowd you seem to expect, they’ll jump right in there.
Hand it to the groom, and hope he’s smart enough to fasten it on the Bride. LOL!
-or-
If the Dads are available, and game, let them jump up like managers and start wrestling the belt between them for their candidate. Bride and groom sneak up the aisle during the [fake] melee. Come to think of it, Mothers of the Bride and groom doing this might be even funnier . . .
