Macbeth: Murder is like eating peanuts. Once you start . . .
Once upon a time, we built a bunch of robots. The robots decided they didn’t like us, and tried to kill us. We fought them off, but then they came back, and tried to kill us again. This time they had new robots that looked just like people, except they’re really strong and smart and they can plug wires into themselves. Anyway, this time, they mostly succeeded in killing us, and now they’re chasing a handful of survivors through outer space. And the only way we can be safe, is if we get to Earth. Because, uh, it’s not really us us, it’s some other us who isn’t on Earth yet, they started in space somewhere.
This thread should be turned into a game, where the next poster has to guess the name of the film described in the previous post.
This woman has psychic visions of crimes, only she always sees the most misleading possible view first, and she goes through several false starts before finally figuring it out. Her husband and the police suffer patiently through the whole process.
Medium and/or The Boob Whisperer
A lot of these are a whole lot shorter than I was hoping. I wasn’t really thinking “come up with a one-sentence recap” but more like this kind of post, but some of these are great 
There’s this band - their lead singer looks like George Costanza’s younger brother or something, and he doesn’t even sing that much, he kind of talks over music maybe half the time. He’s kind of a Bruce Springsteen wannabe with the horns and all that, but he mostly sings about a bunch of druggies back in Minneapolis, where he used to live.
Mythbusters: Some guys and a girl conduct science experiments to see if what everybody says is true actually is. Usually, they go a little too far and stuff gets broken or destroyed. Even if they prove what it is they were trying to prove, they go further and break/destroy stuff anyway.
Die Hard: At Christmas, a bunch of terrorists hold a group of people hostage in an office building while they try to break into a vault. Meanwhile, another guy (who happens to be the ex-husband of one of the hostages), tries to stop the terrorists, but the cops won’t help him because he used the pseudonym “Roy Rogers” to fool the terrorists and the cops (except one) think he’s a crank. Finally, the cops do believe him but won’t listen to his inside info, so they’re pretty inept. Then they’re are a bunch of explosions and gunshots and somehow, our guy saves the day, wins his ex-wife back, and rides a limo off into the sunrise. Yippee-ki-yay…
Lost: These people survive a plane crash on a tropical island where weird shit happens. No one knows what’s really going on because everyone either lies or doesn’t bother to ask questions. The audience doesn’t know what’s going on either. And there’s a monster made of smoke. It’s fun!
Here’s one that I won’t name in case you haven’t seen it, lest I spoil it…
A guy blows up his apartment and then starts talking to himself and beating himself up. He gets a lot of followers who also like to beat each other up. They make their own soap and blow stuff up.
Straight off my FiOS guide:
Two hit men interact with other crime figures during an eventful day.
Pulp Fiction
Well, hope the OP won’t mind, but I’m going to (try) to make this movie version of a famous book sound stupid (lots of fans think it doesn’t need any exaggeration to make it sound stupid, but I sorta liked the movie, all in all), plus I’ll make the person giving the encapsulation sound stupid as well. So any mispellings and malapropisms are intentional. Really, they are.
There’s this kid named Paul ATradeez who lives with his father the Duke Lido (I think this guy who wrote it musta been a Boz Scaggs fan) and his mom Jessica the Benny Jesserit witch on a planet with lots of water named Calaban. Then (because they live in the old futile type days) they have to move to Arackis which is where the book and movie Dune gets its name because there are a lot of sand dunes. Accompanying them are Gurnsey Halibut, Duncan Hines, and Two-fer Howzat, their slaves. Paul first puts his hand in a box to have it burned in a test by some old Revered Mother but it wasn’t really burned.
On Arackis Prince Baron Harconein, a fat guy who floats around, and his sons Fade and Robin are the rulers (but they don’t live there, they live on Getty Prime) and steal spice from the giant worms which are the pets of the Free Men, who spit on people’s tables to give them water (cause there ain’t no water there, well except in caves underground).
Anyway, Paul’s dad is killed by that guy from Quantum Leap (the hollygram, not Scott Blackula), and they go into the dessert and live with the Frimins and Paul rides a worm and he awakens some sleeper and gets it on with Shawn Young, or maybe it was Shawn Penn, I can’t tell them apart (it was the fairly hot chick back before she strated yelling at people at the Oscars for directing movies), and Paul gets a bunch of different names including Mod Dibs, You sul and he wants to become the Qui-gon Had a Rack, or the god who can see into all the dark places, then something else happens and they ride worms into town and he kicks Sting’s ass, and it rains.
Oh, he has some weird little sister named Ali. She stabs the fat guy with the Gum Abdul Jabar, which is a needle that kills.
Oh and that woman who played a little man in that Mel Gibson movie is in it, and as I said the character Journey Helluvit was played by the ball-headed guy who was in the Star Trek show with the robot.
Its really good.
Sir Rhosis
PS: Oh, really before the movie version of the book gets started there’s this giant talking vajinia in a clear box who talks to some guy to get the whole movie rolling.
Two sportswriters, a crazed pianist, and a friend spend a half hour being questioned by a literary critic about every subject under the sun. At the end, three of them (but not the friend) agree to do it again next week.
Information Please
Flash Gordon
Flash and Dale take off in a plane that looks about as flight-capable as my kid brother’s plastic helicopter. Flash, btw, is NOT GAY!!.
Dale: Hey, aren’t you that famous football player?
Flash: You betcha! Hey, you’re pretty hot! I can say that, you know, because I’m NOT GAY!!
Dale: . . .
Flash: What’s on your mind, babe?
[del]Dale: Oh, just that between you being a pro athlete and me being a good-looking successful executive, you’d think we’d be able to come up with better transportation than a twin engine plane flying through a fiery hailstorm. [/del]
A big-assed flaming cloud hits the plane and somehow manages to vaporize the pilots without even staining the seats. Flash and Dale strap in looking death in the face and manage to convey the emotion of sort of nervous.
Dale: Are you sure you can fly this thing?
Flash: Sure I’m sure! I’ve studied everything except how to la . . . yeah, I see your point. Oh well, that greenhouse looks safe!
They land the plane, which has to be made out of unobtanium or something into the greenhouse.
Dale: Wow, what a perfect fucking landing. You OK, genius?
[del]Flash: Well, better than that guy under the wheels, anyway.[/del] Where’s the phone?
They run into Zarkov, who’s smart enough to build a rocket capable of interstellar flight in a greenhouse, but not smart enough to come up with a safety system more redundant than “Push down on the red pedal until you lost consciousness.”
Zarkov: Hey, welcome to the club! Don’t worry about Fred, we’ll mop him up in the morning. You can find the phone in the hatch leading to a rocket ship with no way out except through me.
Flash and Dale: Sounds great!
Zarkov: I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you guys didn’t graduate from the gifted Crash-Your-Airplane-Into-A-Fucking-Greenhouse School.
The rocket flies into a black hole or something, and they wind up on Mongo. Ming walks out in his dope-ass pimp gear.
Ming: Hey honey, how’d you like to make some real money?
Flash: Back off my trim, punk, plzthx.
Ming: O rly?
Ming’s guards come out and get tricked into playing a football game with Flash, because they are even dumber than he is. Instead of thinking her way out, Dale starts a lame cheer, because . . . well, actually I don’t know why. Zarkov throws a golden ball and knocks Flash out.
Dale: Zarkov, what the fuck? I mean, what the fucking fuck?!
Zarkov: Sorry, but jocks like him made my high school years a living hell. At least Ming looks like he might get me laid before chopping me up into McRib Sandwiches.
Dale visits Flash on Death Row, which looks like the director stole a bunch of props from some high school’s production of Guys and Dolls.
Flash: Hey, baby! If I weren’t going to be gassed tomorrow, would you totally have my spawn?
Dale: Sure, I . . . guess.
Flash: See, what did I tell you? NOT GAY!!
Flash dies. Then he gets brought back to life by Ming’s daughter, Slutty Whorington. Then he winds up in the jungle. Then he goes to the bird people where he fights for his life against some guy dressed like Peter Pan.
Barin: That’s Robin Hood, and I’m not gay, either!
They [del]kiss and[/del] make up. Flash joins with the bird people.
[INSIDE THE SILVER PENIS SHIP]
Some random soon-to-be-zapped-into-oblivion crew guy: Captain, there’s some buffed-out dude outside the ship in a muscle shirt straddling a rocket cycle hanging out with a bunch of older guys wearing leather and angel wings.
Flash: Hi, just for the record, I’m NOT G– (ZZZAAPPPPP) Motherfucker!!! HOMOPHOBE! After him, men!
The bird guys take over the silver penis ship, and Flash goes to rescue Dale who’s about to be married to Pimp Of The Year.
[BACK AT THE PALACE]
Dale: Flash will save me, you know! Good will triumph over evil, yadda-yadda-yadda, hooray.
Ming: Look honey, stop fooling yourself. That guy’s a total FOD, OK? At least with me, you’ve got a shot at some happiness for awhile. I’ve got endless riches. I’ve got awesome power. I’ve got Space Viagra!
Flash crashes the penis ship into the castle and gives Ming the shaft (Eh? Eh?? Meh, I’ve got nothing!)
Ming: Fuck, man, you don’t think that was a little excessive?
Flash: Sorry, Ming, but you’re rough tr . . . You’re evil. Thanks to me, Dale can go make sandwiches for the rest of whenever while Pan and I hang out with your male pleasurebot.
Ming disappears.
THE END
???
Studio Execs reading the first week box office gross: !!!
Here’s my take on that:
Nerdy guy pretends to be cool so he can get laid. Then he blows up some buildings.
Here’s another one:
Bored kid with daddy issues runs away from home and joins the rebellion. Loses hand, mourns dad, wins revolution.
Elwood worries his widowed sister and her homely daughter because he’s accompanied everywhere he goes by a six foot tall invisible rabbit. He and this invisible rabbit drink a lot and invite Undesirables home to dinner, and then one day they come home early and ruin a party that sis and homely daughter were really hoping he’d miss.
So sis finally decides enough is enough and takes Elwood to the looney bin, only after she tells the doctor what’s going on he decides she’s the crazy one (because it’s the 40s and all unmarried women are hysterical and psychologically unstable) and she’s hauled upstairs by a burly patient handler who rips off her corset and gives her a sponge-bath, or something.
Meanwhile Elwood and his invisible rabbit have wandered off somewhere, so the doctor and his hot nurse and the burly patient handler race off into the night to try to find him, which they eventually do, and after a long philosophical conversation in a local bar they haul him back to the looney bin and prepare to give him a Magical Injection that will make the giant invisible rabbit go away.
Then the taxi-driver comes in and demands his tip ahead of time, because he’s been there before and knows the injection is going to turn Elwood into a tight-fisted asshole. At this news Sis starts crying (again - she cries through the whole bloody movie) and demands they forget the whole thing. So they do. The giant rabbit was going to stay behind with one of the doctors and fuck with his reputation and professional standing for a while, but he decides to go home with Elwood, instead.
Doctor and hot nurse hook up, Elwood and giant invisible rabbit continue drinking, homely daughter and burly patient handler start making goo-goo eyes at each other, and they all live happily ever after.
Thee once was a girl named Lenore
And a Bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the Bird Always Says Nevermore
-The Raven.
A famous writer is wounded in a car crash and kidnapped by his “number one fan.” She forces him to write a book just for her.
A renegade spaceship travels to various planets kidnapping specimen inhabitants for the crew’s own evil purposes.
They land on a remote moon somewhere and steal one of the citizens by swallowing it whole. When they get back to the mother ship the guy who ate the alien eats some coleslaw (for dessert, presumably) and the alien gets annoyed. He escapes by burrowing out of the guy’s chest and runs away to hide. The alien then kills most of the crew in self defence before dying a hero’s death by being unluckily blasted into space.
A guy who seems really angry about everything rants and raves and almost has an aneurysm over petty annoyances. (Pretty much every comedian I seem to like: Lewis Black, for example.)
A nerdy guy meets a nerdy girl, asks her out, and World War III happens before they have sex. (the film Miracle Mile)
The three main story arcs of my favorite 80s cartoon, Robotech:
A young hotshot pilot is involve in a love triangle with a teen pop singer and a military woman, and they all fight 60-foot-tall aliens in space with their transforming robots. (If you wonder how a teen pop singer would fight 60-foot-tall aliens, she sings! Duh!)
Later, the daughter of the friend of the hotshot pilot is a brat who “breaks the rules” constantly, and she and her pals fight earth-invading aliens with their transforming robots.
Finally, a guy loses his girlfriend while crashing on earth, where he ends up leading a motley crew (including a little girl and a transvestite) that uses transforming robots to fight yet more aliens.