Sung to the tune of. . .

Cafe Society
21

These are all mine. The first two were written when I was in college about (*&^ years ago:

CRAM-A-LOT
(Sung to the tune of “Camelot”)

You’ve been attending classes since September,
But studies occupied the second slot.
Important notes from class you can’t remember,
So you Cram-a-lot.

You slept in class right up until the bell rang,
And friends said “here” for you when you were not.
But friends won’t study for you, such a swell gang,
So you Cram-a-lot.

Cram-a-lot,
Cram-a-lot,
Till you can pass the test, and then…

If you Cram-a-lot,
Cram-a-lot,
You’ll do it all again.

If your teeth ever had a skin upon them,
By summer they assuredly will not.
If you resolve today,
To study hard, then play,
By next term’s finals week you will not have to Cram-a-lot!

CRAM
(Sung to the tune of “Mame”)

Exam week’s here and what do you do?
Cram!
You missed class notes because of the “flu,”
Cram!
You’ve been pro-cras-ti-nating,
And putting off your study till the last.
Now your heart’s pal-pi-tating,
‘Cause Western Civ’s tomorrow, and you’re gassed!
The loss of sleep is making you sick.
Cram!
If you pass this time, it’s a good trick.
Cram!
It’s just like last semester,
Ac-ti-vi-ties kept getting in the way.
If you get through it this time you’ll
Work hard next term and breeze right through.
But now you must continue to CRAM!

I wrote a bit called “Yoda” which is sung to the tune of “Venus” (with apologies to Paul Anka). This travesty follows now Vader you like it or not:

YODA
(To the tune of “Venus”)

O, Yoda
O, Yoda

Yoda, if you will,
I need to learn how Vader I can kill.
I want you to impart your force-ful skill
So I can end his evil reign.

Yoda, don’t you mind
If I seem callow, wimpy, disinclined,
To follow teaching of a stricter kind,
I’m just a kid, I’m kind of lame.

Yoda,
Master of force that you are,
Forgive my bending rules a bit.
Just help me work the tools a bit.

Yoda, I’ll be gone
To finish work begun by Obie Wan.
Darth Vader’s days are numbered by his son.
The empire will go down in flames.

I also started something called “Jabbawockey.” It’s a jab ::snicker! snort!:: at Jabba the Hut sung to the tune of “Jabberwockey” from Disney’s version of “Alice In Wonderland.”

JABBAWOCKEY
(To the tune of “Jabberwockey”)

T’was thrilling when the Jedi knight
Came striding into Jabba’s lair,
Where Leia, in a costume tight,
waited, breathless, for Luke.

Skywalker, and his flashlight stick,
He challenged Jabba with a stare.
And Jabba, with a hut-like drool,
Nearly made the knight puke.

Pretty classy stuff, no?

22

Well done! :stuck_out_tongue: And I’m not even a basketball fan.

23

You can guess about how old I am by it.

Sung to the tune of Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina

And as for hostage and as for war
I never invited them in, although it seemed to the world they were all you desired.
It’s dissolution, it won’t be allusions you thought it would be
I hate you, you better love me.
Don’t fuck with me, A Khomeni
'Cause I got a great big army
All through my wild days, your mere existence
I’ll drop the A-bomb so keep your distance.

24

Moderator Reminder: Look, you can certainly make up your own stuff here and put it out in full, but we do not allow quoting an entire parody that was created by some one else. I have therefore edited down Johnny LA’s quote to one stanza.

Fair usage allows you to quote from a work (with full attribution), but not to copy the whole thing. Best is to find it online and provide a short quote as a sample, and then a link.

25

Since Gyrate brought in “Be Our Guest,” I will give “Forbidden Broadway” a plug. These CDS of the Broadway spoof are so damn good it’s amazing. Here’s Be Depressed:

Be depressed, be depressed cause Walt Disney is the best.
Now the biggest Broadway musical’s a cartoon from the West.
Children cry “It’s a Feast seeing Beauty and the Beast.”
Now what turns the Great White Way on is a drama drawn in crayon.
Guys who sing, dolls who dance, mob auditions for the chance
To play dinnerwear that seems to be possessed…

26

Here’s one from around '73:
Exxon Mobil Gulf & Shell
Say they have no more gas to sell

27

The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies

Sung to the tune of “The Beverly Hillbillies”

Come and listen to my story of a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin’ with his wife,
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.

(Penis, that is)

(Clean cut, Missed his nuts)

Well, the next thing you know, there’s a ginsu by his side,
And Lorena’s in the car takin’ Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she came around the bend.

(Curve, that is)

(Pricker shrubs, Wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weanie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed ``Over There,’’
To John Wayne’s Henry that was waving in the air.

(Found, that is)

(By a fence, Evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn’t stay apart too long,
So the Dick Doc said, Hey, I can fix your Dong!'' A needle and a thread is all you’re gonna need.’’
And the whole world waited 'til they heard that Johnny peed.

(Whizzed, that is)

(Even seam, Straight stream)

Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn’t show on tape.

(Video, that is)

(Unexposed, Case closed)