Superhero eBay

What unexpected, bizzare or tantalizing items might come up for bid from a down-and-out superhero hard up for cash?

Remember: eBay is just a virtual pawnshop.

Well, once could potentially sell pictures of oneself in action to a newspaper. Possible the Daily Bugle?

Spider-Man could (and did try to) sell his formula for web fluid.

Matter Eater Lad could sell his feces, I guess.

Superman could sell some of his hair as superstrong rope.

And anybody can do this, but I think it would be especially interesting if Deadman sold his soul on eBay.

Available – Oversized Penny – great conversational piece

Available – Odd lots of items from scientifically advanced, but lost civilization.

Available – Fantasticar – great for family outings

Available – one indestructable Iconic American Shield

Available – Ruby quatz visor – great for keeping destructive force beams in check

Available – Cosmic powered flying Surfboard, indestructable, safe for use in water.

Available – Mystic talisman and flying cloak – Ancient artifacts

Available – Bulletproof, nuclear powered car – Many spy gadgets built in.

Available – bolts of unstable molecule cloth in various colors (though mostly blue).

Available – Used, heavily modified SR-71 Blackbird aircraft.

Available – Ancient weapons of various eras, Nth metal harness, and interplanetary space craft

Of course, Batman could start a “Find out anything about anybody” web site and be rich again inside of a year (especially since he’s apparently already gathered the information and has it available).

I’ve sold Wonder Woman’s invisible plane twice. I offered free shipping in an invisible box.

You can already purchase (for real) copies of Frodo’s sword Sting or Galadriel’s magic ring, although I’m not sure if they qualify as super-heroes.

But don’t forget the super-villains:

ATTTENTION Crooks and robbers! FOR SALE – Small bits of shiny green rock, invaluable for protection against super-powered cops. More than just a good luck amulet, this piece of actual meteor can be…

WANT TO LOOK LIKE A PLAYING CARD? Any plastic surgeon can do face-lifts and chin-tucks, but we offer a unique look for your face. Have you ever wanted to look like the Jack of Spades, or the Queen of Diamonds? Now, thanks to Joker’s amazing new plastic surgery technology, you can! Call 555-5555 any evening after 8 PM.

Of course, the heroes could also sell the captured/disabled/busted hardware of their villians, who’d buy them back to save on rebuilding the darn things.

For Sale: Combs, brushes, hair products. 8 memberships to various Hair Clubs for Men. See pictures attached. Will accept best offer, or one snappy looking hat. Contact LL at Elmwood-5555.

For Sale: Replica Green Lantern rings! Just like GL wears! Does not impart special powers to user. Contact 555-CORP.

Heh. I really like some of these. Here’s a couple I’d like to see.

FOR SALE: Legendary Purple Ray Machine. Imparts prolonged life and amazing healing ability in holistic whole body treatments for a variety of ailments, including: kangaroo-saddlesores, bullet wounds, manacle chafing, menstrual cramps, heterosexual sexual urges. Disclaimer: Not recommended for men. CONTACT:

Build Your OWN Steam Man! Detailed SCHEMATICS for building your very own nifty Pnueman, as devised by timeless thinker Dr. Thomas Strong. The vintage Pnuematic man schematics represent the cutting edge in late 19th century mechanical intelligence, still wonderfully relevant and not at all obsolete or annoying to 21st century living. Environment-friendly steam-powered, versatile, task-oriented, and great, if somewhat too blasted permissive, for raising kids. Act now and we’ll ship to you free ONE WORKING MODEL. Contact

Oh, and for an EXCELLENT villain reference: (Cuz we shouldn’t leave these guys out… good catch, C K Dexter Haven. This is why I am a lowly subscriber and you are a Mod-God.)

DOOMBOTS for sale. Complete in authentic detail from raiment to armament. Slight to moderate wear from thermal heat discharges, flexible constraints, telekinetic force field barrages and apparent rockslide damage. 100k in Latverian marks OBO. Not responsible for disabling booby-traps or post -traumatic independently activated protocols to conquer the world. See

FOR SALE: Ring with stylized “L”. Will allow wearer to fly. Also, iwll allow access to one of the most exclusive clubs in the universe (must wait 1000 years for entry)

FOR SALE: Why be only one superhero when you can be hundreds? Just dial H-E-R-O and the fun never stopsl! Two available, order now! (Not responsible for strange alterations due to misdialings)

Tired of your ant farm? How about teeny tiny PEOPLE in a bottle? Completely self-sufficient, including cool outfits, high culture and the ability to help a certain superhero(occasionally) DO NOT EXPOSE TO A YELLOW SUN!!!

[I have not read Superman comics in decades, don’t even know if this scenario is still possible. Does Kandor still exist{come on, you know what I mean}]

Ah, once you leave the Legion, you have to give back your flight ring. Legion rules! :smiley:

From eBay’s property listings:

A wonderful piece of arctic (or was it antarctic, I can never remember, not being a big Superman fan) real estate. So secluded and solitary you’ll think you’re in a fortress.

I feel dirty just for thinking this, but:
Considering the sort of things that get sold on the seedier side of ebay, I think Wonder Woman could make a killing from her old… er… uniforms.

( I suppose the same goes for any number of superheroines.)

•We all know that Doctor Light would be selling her used underwear.

•Any number of heroes or villains might sell the miniature holographic displays that they’ve been using on their PCs since the 1980s. The Sharper Image would kill for those things.

•Any jilted love-interests (Superpowered, or just an unpowered civilian involved with a Super-character) might sell the “special” videos they made with their SOs.

•"SALE! Clearance on used Origins/Backstories

Badly dated, and rendered obsolete by “rolling reboot.”

Still servicable for historical characters, with some changed names and/or artwork.

Over 80% horrifying racial-stereotype free. (No guarantees on archnemeses, or communist stooges.)

Make payments to our broker, the Marvel Comics meta-analogue in NYC, Earth 616."

•“One Batarang. Genuine item! Albeit slightly dented/bloodstained/bone chips in the serrated edge. I’ve been very attached to this item, one might say. Very close to my heart. Winner sends payments to J. Ker, c/o Arkham Asylum.)”

•“One copy of ‘Mastering Public Speaking.’ Good condition, but ****ing little good.”—

•“One costume, male, unused. VERY unused. Free shipping…just get it away from me.”—

•“Warthog-head headdress. W/Electrified mane. Comes with CB Radio receiver/transmitter. It’s seen a lot of action, good buddy. Some sweat stains. Slight odor.”