No reviews in the major media outlets prior to the premire date.
When a movie is proclaimed #1 in a very specific category, like “#1 Action-Comedy of the Summer!!” – and it is still June.
The ultimate:
No preview made available for critics.
When a movie is marketed as a comedy, and even the trailer (which you know contains the funniest stuff in the movie) isn’t funny.
Also, anything with Tom Greene.
I disagree about the director’s/producer’s name being a sign of badness. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind got a lot of people to go because it was a Kaufman movie, and it was great…all that was indicated by his name being attached to it was that it’s his style of writing.
Anything that starts out “In a world gone…”
“A first-rate sexual thriller! Kathy Bates and Irene Ryan’s sex scenes blistered the paint off of the walls!”
“Starring Pauly Shore”…is never a good omen.
Also, I find films that start off with lots and lots of credits, down to the gaffer, usually means they are afraid no one will be left in the theater at the end of the film so they had better get their names on the screen fast!
Also, when the tv ads show “normal” folks coming out of the theater and being interviewed saying, “it was awesome, the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life…” somehow I always think the free, open bar before the sneak preview might have had something to do with their rave reviews.
Can’t. scrub. brain. enough.
Considering Irene Ryan had been dead for about 30 years.
. . . when it’s called “the fee-good hit of the year.” (You beat me to it).
. . .when it’s promised to “make you stand up and cheer.”
. . . when it’s “the perfect date movie!”
. . . when it gets raves from Rex Reed.
. . . or even the feel-good hit of the year. :wally
When a movie has been out for a week, and the commercials STILL don’t have any blurbs. It means that even taken out of context from totally inept critics, they couldn’t find a halfway enthusiastic comment. I think “The Sixth Day” fell under this category.
Or when the blurb is quotation marks around three stars. Not only did some idiot just put quotation marks around a picture, but the most enthusiastic, positive thing they could find was a 3-star review.
:rolleyes: Any movie :dubious: with any one 
in it 
that looks like :wally or acts like ;j Ben Affleck. 
If the trailer has any version of “This time, it’s personal!”–run!
When the director credit is Alan Smithee.
Even worse, when it is an X-rated movie “directed by Alan Smithee.”
This isn’t exactly like the other posters answers but when a movie has been shelved for long periods of time there’s a good bet it’s a real piece of crap. eg. Envy
When a movie seems to get far more press than you can figure it deserves by watching the trailer alone. You can bet the production/distribution companies have very little faith in the movie itself and are hoping to fool people into a big first weekend to make a little cash. eg. Gigli
If it is a movie adaptation of a 19th Century work of literature produced by anyone born since 1965 (Demi Moore/The Scarlet Letter).
Any movie that stunt-casts anyone with a video in current rotation on MTV.
Any comedy/parody of a movie more than 10 years old (Mel Brooks/Spaceballs).
I hope that’s only happened once. Two of those and the time/space continuum will warp and explode.
Directed by John Woo.
Starring any of the Wayans family…
Robin
Honestly, does anything really “star” a member of the Wayans family?