I thought Marlon was pretty good in this one.
Martin Lawrence.
Can he do anything but open his eyes wide and scream? Is that funny? Why does he keep getting projects?
Didn’t this happen with Pluto Nash? Unfortunately, it was released.
Another example of this happening is The Devil and Daniel Webster, a movie made in 2001 directed by Alec Baldwin and starring Anthony Hopkins and Jennifer Love Hewitt. I guess it got shelved (possibly forever) because of lack of funds for post production. Interesting to see that in the link, Alec Baldwin is now uncredited as director.
Perhaps it was good for the careers of EVERYBODY involved that this movie not be released. But we’ll probably never know.
When the promos show some moron wearing a hairpiece yelling LET’S GET CRAZY!!! or something similar.
Must be the funniest line from the movie. Otherwise, why would they put it in the trailer?
Or Carmina Burana.
And the obvious sign a new movie sucks is when reviewers don’t get an advanced screening.
Starring: Keanu Reeves
How about when a trailer paints the movie as something it’s not? For example, the Julia Roberts\Susan Sarandon flick Stepmom was portrayed in the trailer as one of those “laugh-out-loud” funny movies. The trailer had a lot of “funny” moments with JR tripping over stuff and having troubles with the kids. But in reality, the movie had huge downer in the plot. In a nutshell, the trailer looked like the latest Ashton Kutcher\Brittany Murphy romantic comedy, but the movie was far more like Terms of Endearment. Note that I’m not talking about targeted marketing, like how Jerry McGuire commercials on ESPN were “sports, sports, sports” but the commercials for the same movie on Lifetime mostly emphasized the romantic aspect of the movie.
Didn’t some studio get in trouble for this a couple of years ago? Something about a trailer for a movie that appeared to be “kid friendly” (in the trailer) but had nudity or “ultra-violence” in it or something? What was that movie???
BLASHPHAMY!!! Why not throw Tony Scott in there as well? These guy create some of the best SUMMER ACTION BLOCKBUSTER films around. Yeah it’s not high art or anything but if I want to watch cars exploding in mid-air in slow motion while a squadron of F-18s soar overhead and mothers grab their American flag waving children while some big digital clock with 8 foot numbers counts down in a control room, these are the guys I turn to.
Besides, it’s not like their Roland Emmerich or anything.
Oh and John Woo and his stupid doves do in fact suck…
…like Mike (Shrek, Wayne’s World) Meyers? Will (Old School) Farrell? Eddie (Beverley Hills Cop, Trading Places) Murphy? Dan (Ghostbusters, not Coneheads) Ackroyd, Adam (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore) Sandler? Chevy (Fletch) Chase?
SNL produced more than just Dana Carvey and that Superstar!! bitch.
Here’s how you know a movie will suck:
-Any movie about Mars other than Total Recal.
-Any movie about time travel other than Back to the Future, Terminator or T2.
-Any remake of a movie that is iconic in nature (Manchurian Candidate…yeah…good idea…how about Vin Deisel in a Casablanca remake…Jim Carey IS Citizen Kane)
-Any movie that is marketed as the bastard child of two other hit movies (From the director of… and the producer of…, Jack Offman of the Chronical says it’s like Star Wars meets House Party III!)
-Any movie based on a videogame
-Any movie about vampires or werewolves
-Any movie with an all ethnic cast that doesn’t star Ice Cube or Chris Rock or someone else whos funny (basically it is just a shlocky movie that’s designed to bring in all of one ethic group)
-Any movie about computer hackers or virtual reality (Matrix somehow got away with this for 2 movies…you guess which ones…I think you’ll be pleasently surprised).
-Any movie about robots that want to become human (if my DVD player all of a sudden wanted to be a microwave, I would smash it and get my money back dammit)
When it’s a “documentary” by Michael Moore…
With few, very few, exceptions:
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Any movie where a very small child is a significant character
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Any movie where an animal has the same billing as the primary human characetr
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Any movie which Satan is a significant character
Michael Bay is the worst director working in Hollywood today, and Jerry Bruckheimer is the devil incarnate.
Any movie released in January.
Heretic! How dare you insult the award-winning, day-glo abortion that is Street Fighter!
The Matrix wasn’t that bad.
If my wife rents it.
Not to mention Slap Her, She’s French.
Exceptions:
An American Werewolf in London (sequel sucked)
*Near Dark *
*Fright Night * (sequel really sucked)
Holy crap! That’s gotta be the most bizarre review of a film I’ve ever read!
When picking out a DVD: If you recognize the names of the actors, but have never heard of the movie before. A movie full of star names, with zero advertising budget? Stinker.