How to tell if a movie sucks.

Paris Hilton appears in it.

Any actor whose most recent claims to fame involve rehab or cosmetic surgery

The musicians/groups performing songs in the movie get better billing than any actors (and it’s NOT a rocumentary or rock mockumentary)

Any other signs? :confused:

I disagree with the rehab comment. Plenty of extremely talented actors have their personal demons…

I can tell a movie will suck based on how embarrassing the previews are. I knew that stupid Kevin James movie where he was a zoo keeper was awful because of the bear saying “shut up” in the annoying high school girl overly-excited way when they got to TGI Fridays. The preview made me ache with embarrassment for everyone associated with that shit.

I said: “Any actor whose most recent claimS to fame involve rehab…” I was thinking of Miss Lohan. Yes, addiction is a disease and a vicious one. I’ll still submit if an actor’s primary press presence between acting gigs is addiction or rehabilitation related, it’s probably not going to be a good film.

Incidentally, Paris Hilton was in the first few episode of Veronica Mars, and that show was great (the show also quietly stopped featuring her after her first few episodes. She really didn’t have anything to do on the show that warranted anyone of her level of celebrity.)

All promotional materials highlight what the Producers have done before.

Eric Roberts

Hey, he’s a “Music Video Master Thespian”. :wink: :smiley:

For the past few years, the only times I’ve seen people mention Paris Hilton were when people were complaining about how people keep talking about her. You should think on that.

There was a commercial for “Epic Movie” which inspired my starting this thread. Guess who appeared in it?

It is on the ScyFy channel.

It’s usually a bad sign when a movie has more than two writing credits.

Which reminds me of my biggest gripe about Justin Bieber: People constantly whining about him. I’ve almost never heard any of his songs or seen any of his fans, just a very large population of obnoxiously vocal haters.

The tv or radio ads consist of vox pops with yer average types claiming to have really enjoyed the film. Bonus points if they’re holding enormous boxes of popcorn when they’re interviewed. It’s a method that’s never failed me.

The words ‘starring Adam Sandler’, but that one’s more a personal preference.

The trailer shows no real action or dialogue, just shots of people turning their heads and such.

Radio Flyer was advertised that way. Was that a bad film? (I’ve never seen it.)

I think it’s a great film, but it wasn’t a success.

Agreed.

Also, if a film comes out and it’s heavily promoted, but it’s not available for reviews…bad sign. I forget the exact wording that the newspapers use, but I always figure that if the people who are putting the movie out don’t want the reviewers to see it before it opens, they must not have much confidence in it.

Eric Roberts starred in a movie about the late Dorothy Stratten around 1983. I don’t know much about Eric Roberts, but Dorothy Stratten was truly the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen. Sometimes it’s almost a joke when I see the word “beautiful” in reference to some of today’s stars, as some of them are just slightly above-average looking. But getting back to your question, I think within the first ten minutes of watching a movie, the movie is suppose to get the viewer’s interest, in other words, so they will continue watching.

from experience, i have learnt to bail on any movie that “features” shaky cam on scenes with no action - for example, people talking in a room. (fake mocumentary with dramatic zoom!) it’s really a scam that there’s little you can do to avoid paying money for crap like these.

But you’re saying it didn’t suck, right? That’s what I was asking.


When the tagline is “It’s [title] meets [title]!” No, you say that when you’re the screenwriter, pitching your script and trying to get it produced. When you have a finished product, you should be able to present it on its own merits.

-If the number of scriptwriters credited is enough for a paragraph.

-I think it was Roger Ebert who said that any movie with a hot air balloon in it is bad. (I’m open to hearing exceptions—though I’ll note that the one in the Wizard of Oz may have actually been a gas balloon, by the looks of it, and thus gets by on a technicality)