The setup:
The wifey was having an open house for her home business. That means lots of women in shopping mode hanging around my kitchen and living room. Wifey wants the kids out of the house. I want out of the house. Therefore, I take the kids away for 5 hours.
The decision:
It’s rainy, so the park and zoo are out. I really don’t want to spend boucoup bucks to entertain them for the day so we decide to eat lunch and go to the local airport and watch the planes. That oughta kill a couple hours for starters.
Surreal Scene #1:
Stopped at a red light on our way to the airport I notice something out of the corner of my eye. I glance over at the cross street traffic and notice a tank approaching the intersection. WTF? I look over again and, sure enough, there’s a National Guard tank, painted desert camo, tracks moving full speed, approaching the intersection. I yell to the kids “Hey, guys, check out the tank!”. Then I notice the flashing lights of a police escort. 'Scuse me? I know terrorism is on the increase, but I’m trying to imagine the conversation this must inspire:
Abdul: Here comes the tank, Saheem, our intelligence reports were accurate again!
Saheem: Yes, my brother. Prepare to launch the takeover plan!
Abdul: Operation Tank Takeover initat…wait! What is this I see?
Sahhem: I see it, too! A local police cruiser with an ever vigilant small town cop at the wheel! All of our tank stopping firepower is useless against such a foe! The stinking Amercan dogs have foiled us again!
Abdul: Abort! Abort! Run away!
Surreal Scene #2:
Arriving at the airport, mind still boggled from the police escort for a tank, we’re driving down the airport access road approaching the control tower. I say, teasingly, “Hey, kids, wanna see if they’ll let us in the tower?” They unanimously reply “Yeah, cool, Dad. Great idea!” Great. Who thought they’d actually go for it? I pull into the parking lot and we walk up to the base of the control tower. I know I probably shouldn’t be there. The “Authorized Persons Only” sign provides one clue. The door is locked, natch. We turn to leave. I think “Well, we’ve come this far, no sense in giving up now.” I turn back to the door and spot the intercom. I press the button, fully expecting a voice from the box to say “Please remain where you are. The police have been called. As soon as they are finished escorting the tank they will be by to throw you all in jail.” Nothing happens. Simultaneously I press my luck and the button a second time. The door buzzes. I open it and we walk in. We see no one. Up one flight of stairs, still no one else around. Up the second flight. There is a door to the right. Open it and ask permission or go on up? On up it is. Surely they won’t shoot children. The door at the top of flight 3 bears a sign stating “No Admittance! Authorized Personnel Only!”. And it’s unlocked! Now we’re getting somewhere! Reasoning, as any responsible adult male would, that the kids were certainly not “Authorized Personnel” I left them in the stairwell and proceeded alone. Inside the door was a lounge area and a circular stairwell leading up to the air traffic control area. Still no one in sight. I can hear the controller upstairs talking to the pilots. Last chance to bail. “Hello!” I heard myself say. “Hello!” came the answer from above. “I’m the one who just buzzed in downstairs”, I explain, “My kids would like to see what it’s like up in the tower.” The voice replied “Well, bring 'em up!” So I did. We spent about two hours watching Cessnas and corporate jets from the control tower and listning to the radio transmissions. The controllers let the kids play Tetris on one of the computers. No radar or advanced instrumentation, strictly visual and radio, but cool nontheless.
Surreal Scene #3:
On the way home, after dark, a possum crossed the road in front of us - and made it to the other side! What with all the possum carcasses (carcii?) on the roadsides around here, I didn’t think any ever made it.
So endeth my mundane, pointless trip to the Twilight Zone. Made for an interesting day with the kids, though.
