He didn’t assume that in this case either; in the OP he explicitly states that this is how the woman appeared to him, just like he actively cultivates a certain appearance.
That’s describes WalMartians to a T!!!
JuanitaTech, fully comprehending not all people who shop at WalMart are WalMartians.
Probably not, as that would be a different person and would likely give me different impressions.
Those are the impressions that I had of that particular person. Neither you nor I can produce her and judge whether those impressions were warranted or whether I judged her with prejudice. I’ll freely concede some prejudice in my judgement, as my opinions were colored by the fact that I was being accosted by a complete stranger, acting in an atypical fashion. I did not like the way she put her hand on the door, and I was uncomfortable in the extreme with the searching way she was looking at me. Based on her actions and the situation I judged her in unfavorable terms.
I assume that you’re trying to suggest that I’m a snob who doesn’t like the idea of being approached by a member of the “Lower classes” and who’s complaining that this person dared to interfere or talk to somebody who was so far above her station in life.
You’re free to jump to that conclusion, if you wish.
I’ll tell you for a fact, that had she asked me for help because her tire was flat or her car wouldn’t start, I would have cheerfully and happily helped her. I love doing that kind of stuff, and I even keep a tool box in my car.
I stand behind my snap judgement of her. I think that sort of thing is required in such circumstances.
I thought she was weak because of her physical appearance which was pasty and wan, and also because she was looking for some kind of emotional validation from a stranger in a parking lot.
I thought she was poor from the way she dressed, and the car she stepped out of.
I thought she was friendless because she was at Walmart looking for social interaction in a parking lot.
I thought she was uncertain from the way she walked, the fact that she held her hands in front of her mouth and from the way she talked with all the qualifications and false starts.
I didn’t think she was particularly nice from her face. She looked mean, and a little bit angry. Her face was plain but the expression, and the lines etched into it were unpleasant.
So, absolutely I judged her. That was how I saw her.
Maybe I was absolutely right, and she was all those things and nuttier than a fruitcake to boot.
Maybe I was completely wrong, and she was a fine and decent human being loved and admired by all who knew here.
Maybe she was just somebody having a bad day who was looking for a pleasant friendly encounter.
I don’t know.
I do know that she set off all the warning bells in my head when she approached, and I tend to listen to those signals.
My first thought when I read the thread title was …‘No kidding.’ You shouldn’t have been surprised at the turn of events. The entire Walmart experience is surreal. As you enter the parking lot it begins. Its a soulless place. You go there at your own risk.
Scylla, first impressions govern initial reactions and I’m pretty sure I would have had the same kind of cautious thoughts/demeanor.
Upon further review, I believe BlinkingDuck is probably pretty close to what the encounter was all about. There are a great many people frustrated by the economic system, whether due to bad planning, luck or brain capacity. I’ll bet this woman was wondering why good fortune had eluded her.
Obviously this was Mandy, frustrated at your not having responded to her doughnut overture, morphing into a cat to interact with your, um, lap.
I would be extremely careful if you are approached at home by any other small furry mammals, as it could be Parking Lot Lady taking on a non-human form to explore your essence of being.
I would actually write this off as the lamest “didn’t notice the wedding ring, saw a hot guy who is obviously successful” pickup-line attempt in the history of human civilization.
I would be completely weirded out by a total stranger asking me personal questions in a parking lot too.
I don’t blame Scylla one eensy bit.
At least she wasn’t Amish and trying to fish in his new swimming pool.
What if Scylla is approached by a giant talking groundhog, wearing a pink waitress uniform like the ones in the old Alice sitcom and a sticker that says, “HELLO, MY NAME IS MANDY?”
Would he send her away?
Well, I certainly don’t blame Scylla for having those warning bells go off. One does not go to a complete stranger and ask, “What are you?” I dunno…it just seems like a bad idea.
One’s things for certain, she DEFINATLY gave off the impression of being rather curious. Anything else might either be spot on or completly wrong.
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So you were uncomfortable. That’s understandable. Anyone should be uncomfortable when approached by any stranger in any parking lot.
But you didn’t get into your car when those “warning bells” went off. (I know, it was a convertible, but getting in would still have put a barrier between you.) You stood there, judging her and feeling superior. It seems like you dragged out that encounter longer than was necessary, waiting for her to do or say something that would further establish her as being beneath you.
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What’s required in such circumstances is to move away because the person is a stranger, not evaluate what kind of stranger they are.
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Is that the weird part or the disturbing part?
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She asked if you might be a doctor or lawyer. How is that looking for emotional validation?
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Weird? Or disturbing?
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How do you know it was social interaction she wanted?
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Ooh! A person who’s not of the elite expressing insecurity! Weird and disturbing!
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I wasn’t there, so I don’t know how accurate that assessment is. But I do know that if someone makes you uncomfortable, you should just get away from them. You don’t have to stand there and enumerate all the reasons why they’re inferior to you.
You didn’t say why you thought she was stupid.
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So you admit it. Not everyone is special. Just people like you.
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I can’t translate this as being anything other than a snobbish attitude. You cultivate your appearance: okay so far. Someone is impressed: also okay. That person is drawn to approach you: well, presumably you didn’t cultivate your image in order to deflect attention.
But you are affronted by this person’s admiration of you because she is not as advantaged as you? You claim you appear “kind”. Perhaps that was why she was drawn to you. But your “kindness” appears to be the shallowest kind of largesse.
Scylla, you are an ass.
Tell me, Rilchiam, was that last post one of those “ironic” things, where you make a lot of bizarre and unwarranted assumptions to show how bizarre and unwarranted the assumptions made in the OP were? Just asking; I can be kinda slow on picking up on that sort of thing.
“I’m Spartacus!”
Rilchiam:
Thank you for the permission.
Well, yes. She said “Excuse me?” and she did not appear to be a threat. I’m a real terror against women half my size. It would have been rude to just jump in my car. Courtesy suggests that when someone calls for your attention and they do not appear to be a threat, you should give it. Particularly a women in a public place. That’s my opinion anyway.
Yes, I judged her. I try to exercise good judgement. Do you have some kind of agenda or issue here? I don’t wish to get into a pissing contest with a skunk, but I don’t see where you get the idea that I dragged out the encounter. Quite the opposite. I wanted to get out of there. Seeing as I was there and I don’t think you were, and seeing as it’s my thoughts we’re talking about, I don’t think you have much choice but to take me at my word on this. I answered her briefly and politely, and as she talked I got in my car and started the engine. I mentioned that in my OP. I’m surprised you would ignore that and come to the conclusion you have, and that leads me to suspect you have some kind of issue here.
I’ll admit I felt superior to her, and that she was beneath me. Here’s why: I showed courtesy, and she didn’t. Walking up to strangers in parking lots and asking them personal questions is not polite behavior. I have the expectation that if a complete stranger, and again, in particular, a woman by herself is going to accost me in a parking lot, that she is going to have a good reason for doing so. She didn’t, and that was both abnormal and discourteous. In spite of that, I treated her with courtesy.
I see. I think it might be possible that you have this wrong. Just because you find it prudent to flee from women half your size (do you also flee from small children?) doesn’t mean that it’s required of me.
There remained the possibility that she was calling after me for good reason. She may have had car trouble, or worse yet was being stalked harassed or threatened. Possibly the fact that she was a little women, and I was a big strong guy was particularly why she needed my assistance. Had it been either of those things I would have considered it my duty to do my level best to help her. However, if she was in distress, it would have hardly been cool to run away from her. Maybe for you it would have been ok, but not for me.
It’s my guess as to her motivation. It could easily be wrong. It didn’t feel like she was overtly trying to pick me up (again I could be worng,) so I am guessing that she was seeking something out of the interaction. I could see no logical purpose so I assumed an emotional one that she was looking for me to validate. If you have a better guess, let me know.
I don’t know for a fact, but it’s my best guess. I can think of little other reason.
I see. You do not like how I categorized myself and her. Neither do I. I included it that way, because that’s how I saw it when it happened. I did not go to Walmart feeling like an elite mingling amongst the hoi polloi. I didn’t feel self-conscious, until she started talking to me. When she did and for no good reason, I felt the weight of the dichotomy in our circumstances and persons, and was very aware of it. It was weird and disturbing because it felt like I was being categorized, like she saw something special in noteworthy in me that made her want to speak to me like I was a celebrity or something, and that she was looking to identify or contact that speciallness by interacting with me. It felt very weird, like she was trying to pry into my nature to capture it for herself.
It was also weird, because I felt (and again it’s a guess) that all the things that caused her to interract with me were superficial things which she lacked. To me, at that time, it felt like our differences were being emphasized by her, not me. She judged me on appearances of all people in that parking lot, and decided to make some kind of overture. I didn’t judge her at all until I was forced to deal with her.
Are you drunk or something? Did you read my post? I didn’t enumerate anything to her. I answered her questions as politely and mildly and succinctly as I could.
She asked me what I was, I said “excuse me?” she repeated the question. I said I was “just a guy.” She asked if I was a Dr. or a lawyer, I said no, I was “nothing special,” and got in my car. She then said “everybody’s special,” and I replied “That’s what they say,” and as I drove away we exchanged haveanicedays.
That’s the whole exchange. What the hell was I enumerating?
Tough shit, I’m getting a little sick of you.
Well, no. By definition everybody is not special. If everybody were special, than special wouldn’t be special, would it?
And, no, I’m not special. I’m much better than that.
Thanks for the permission.
And here you’re missing the whole point. I occasionally feel drawn to approach people that are complete strangers. Generally, I don’t, because the social context that we live in says you don’t accost strangers in innapropriate venues without good reason. Failing a good reason you do them the courtesy of letting them go about their business rather than detaining them meaninglessly.
It’s really quite simple.
More like taken aback. The question disturbed me. “What are you?” I felt the question had it’s genesis in our relative contexts. What I felt like was a fraud who about to be unveiled, like she was searching for the secret worthy nature that justified my appearing strong while she appeared weak, my appearing wealthy while she appeared poor, my appearing kind and intelligent while she appeared stupid and unpleasant, my appearing happy while she appeared unhappy. The fact is that it’s just window-dressing but she thought it was real, that I really was something special. It felt like that was about to be unveiled. It felt like that when she walked up to me and asked “What are you?” she was seeking something in me that distinguished us or justified our relative positions.
I had no good answer, or rather, I had an answer that I couldn’t speak. I did feel both better than her, and also fraud for feeling so, like I knew a secret truth that I couldn’t share, becuase it’s all fake, and if you have to ask, you can never know.
I felt all these things, and I didn’t like it at all.
Doubtless.
Fair enough. What I do is, I don’t let anyone start with me. I think I mentioned last winter that I was working at a mall kiosk. I had to be firm. No making change, no letting people use the phone or ride around on the cart or walk off with merchandise to “show it to their friend”. If I said ‘yes’ just once to something that could have caused a problem, who knows where it might have ended? Not just because of that conditioning, but also because of some other hard lessons learned through experience, I’ve developed the habit of not going out of my way to be a helping hand. I save my assistance for the obvious crises, like when a toddler wandered off while I was ringing up his mom’s purchase, or when a neighbor collapsed on the sidewalk in front of my building. If I can see that there’s a problem, I’ll help, but if someone has to tell me, I’m inclined to think that it may be a scam.
But I’m a small woman, not a big guy.
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I see! Scylla, I’m not being sarcastic here: I finally understand how you felt! That would be an awkward moment, and I can now see why you felt put on the spot.
I just didn’t get that from the OP. Whether you like it or not, your use of the word “affront” did have a snobbish connotation. To me, anyway.
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All right, that is what you said. But you enumerated those things in your OP. And I was wondering just why you felt compelled to share them with us. It really came off as showing off. Sorry, but it did.
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Sigh…everyone’s special in their own way…everyone has at least one good quality…we’re all god’s children.
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I assume you’re being facetious.
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Again, I finally see your point.
Truce?
Yeah. Scylla’s VERY special! (But I’m still funnier. :D)
One Walmart shopper having a negative impression of another Walmart shopper? Makes sense to me. After all, a Walmart shopper is a Walmart shopper.
Scylla’s so special he gets to drive the short bus.
Rilchiam:
Again not to cause a fight, but I think this is one of the two great lies we are told as children.
The other is “You can be anything you want to be.”
I mean that seriously. I think those are damaging lies.
Anybody else see a possible connection between Scylla’s odd encounter in the Wal-mart parking lot and the kidnapping of the 1-month old in Texas in another Wal-mart parking lot?
In that case, the kidnapper was seen on the surveillance tape to have been driving around, “casing” the parking lot, waiting for the right moment.
wireless, you are on to something. The Walmart woman, the cat on the lap, Mandy…Scylla! Behind you!