I’m still trying after 4 years to figure out what in the hell my 27 year old sister-in-law was thinking when this jewel came out;
All three of my in-laws, mother, father and sister, we’re visiting my wife and I one spring. I was in the yard kinda puttering around cleaning up and Jill (sister-in-law) wanted to help. We have ivy growing on the traditional Georgian brick walls of the house that must be trimmed back down to eye level whenever it starts growing too high. Jill took the clippers and started to work her way around one side and after a few minutes stopped, wiped her brow and said “Gee, I wish there was a line you could follow or something.”
A number of years ago I had a girl tell me that she thinks we should all go live in the woods. She wasn’t so sure where we would get food or clothing, and that she was wearing lots of makeup and designer clothes at the time didn’t help any. Ah, the joys of high school…
My brother took his wife to Las Vegas for her 21st birthday a couple of years ago. They stayed on the 15th floor of their hotel. They got on the elevator one morning and my SIL asked my brother why there wasn’t a #13 button in the elevator. He told her that a lot of hotels don’t have a 13th floor because of superstitions. When they got outside the hotel my SIL looked up and began counting floors and said, “There is so a 13th floor! Look!”
FWIW, she’s a blond.
[disclaimer][sub]I’m not saying that all blondes are dumb but in my SIL’s case, most dumb blonde jokes easily apply to her.[/sub][/disclaimer]
I was listening to a talk radio program and the host was talking about how he doesn’t feel sorry for drug users who overdose and die. Well, this woman calls in and says most of her friends use heroin on a regular basis and proceeded to make her point that they are totally well functioning adults with great jobs and lives. The host asked her if she also used heroin and she said she didn’t but didn’t see the danger in it…the host then asked her if she ever played Russian Roulette before??? And she goes…“No, I don’t like to gamble, I don’t even play cards”. I just about died laughing.
I’d like to throw a few out, but unfortunately, unless you play the Vampire roleplaying game, you won’t get some of them.
Idiot #1 When arguing about his inability to take damage from something, got angry and blurted to his defense, “I AM DIRT!”
Idiot #2 A man of the church, working in cognito, needs some information. He has a lead he wants to go on, so he calls the place and introduces himself … “Hi, I’m with the Inquisition …” (drown out by laughter)
Idiot #1 again, not a game. I don’t recall the circumstances, but, again angry about something (I think losing a video game) Shouted in annoyance, “Kick my ass!”
i came home to find my brother (22 at the time)home alone w/ EVERY damn light in the house and both tv’s on. i said why the h*ll is everything on? to which he replied: “i didn’t turn 'em on!” i said: “you didn’t turn 'em off either!” he had nothing to say to that…
A couple years ago, I was listening to a local radio station during the Stanley Cup playoffs. For those of you who don’t know, the Stanley Cup playoffs are a best of seven type of deal. The disc jockey was joking with a girl who had called in to answer a trivia question for a contest or some such thing, and the subject turned to the playoffs. He asked her what she predicted the final outcome to be. Her answer? 5-2.
Doh!
I felt embarrased for her, even through the radio.
I was taking my girlfriend(ex) down to Galveston, Tx. because she had never been to a beach. While we were driving she pointed at the clouds and said “oooooh look at the clouds…it’s like they’re in 3D!!”
A guy I used to work with was talking about his wife’s gullibility one day. He said when they first got married and moved into their house he noticed she kept looking at the ceiling, he asked what was wrong. She asked him why the ceiling looked so “crumbly” he decided to mess with her head a little and told her it was Time Released Oxygen and without it they wouldn’t be able to breath inside the house or they would have to keep the windows open…several years (I think he said seven) passed and they bought a new house. He and his brother-in-law were moving furniture into the livingroom when he said his wife stopped him and said “Scott, we can’t live here…look at the ceiling, no time released oxygen!!!”
At work, I overhear two women talking about getting ID chips for their pets (the subdermal kind).
One of them is against it for biblical reasons (Mark of the Beast, etc).
–Nut Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. If Happy Fun Ball starts to smoke, run away and take cover.
I have an ex-sister-in-law who was the dumbest person I have ever known. Thank god I got out of that family before my brian died too.
She brought her two children to visit my new apartment. They spent about two minutes in the kitchen before she rushed her little boy out the back door. She screamed at me that I should have told her the apartment had just been painted. It turns out that her son goes into cardiac arrest every time she smells paint fumes. Cardiac arrest!! Of course she went on to say that it hadn’t ever happened yet, but she was sure it would because she had read about it.
She was also the one who told me that her doctor told her not to be alarmed if her bladder fell out one day.
Finally, once I was sitting on the sofa with her little girl reading a book. She suddenly runs over to us, grabs the girl and hooks her up to a machine the doctor gave her for asthma. I remarked that I didn’t notice the girl was having an asthma attack. She explained that it is hard to tell when her daughter has an attack. “She doesn’t wheeze because she is breathing in more air then she breaths out.” I couldn’t help but wonder how many times a person could do that.
Come to think of it, all of her weird stuff was about illness.
i heard a news story,a while back . where a guy in cuffs at his arraignment. wanted the court to referr to him-not by his real name-but as, get this: “High Hitler” =D
Some of the dumbest questions I ever got were from befuddled tourists during my time working in national parks.
“What time does the glacier explode?”
“When do the deer turn into elk?”
“Where are the president’s faces?” (asked at Yellowstone!)
“Are there any undiscovered trails?”
My favorite comment is from a fundie during a religious discussion.
“Well, Catholics don’t even believe in God!”
I have many, many examples of dumb things my parents have said to me. It would be far too difficult to decided which is the dumbest, so I’ll relate the most recent.
There was a storm on Sunday that knocked out the power for a while. I called my parents with my cell phone, returning a call I had missed. This is what they actually said:
Ballybay: Hi, Dad. Sorry I missed your call…there’s a storm starting. Our power’s out.
Dad: Are your lights out?
:rolleyes:
No, Dad, somehow the power is out yet the lights aren’t.
Then, I got on the phone with my mom. I repeated the story, explaining that I had been at a friend’s house but ran home before it started to rain. This was, for some reason, difficult for her to grasp. We firmly established that, yes, my power was out.
Ballybay: I’ve going to let you go. I want to conserve my cell phone battery in case I need it for anything.
Mom: Well, better plug it in then.
We bought our first house about 8 years ago - a little ranch house with attached garage. After we moved in, we invited my cousin over for dinner. (She was living in a one-bedroom apartment at the time, and always wanted a house of her own.) As she walked around the house she kept saying, “You’re so lucky… you’re so lucky… you’re so lucky…” As if we won the frick’n house in a lottery. To this day I can’t get it out of my mind.
