Sutra Neti Army-Style . . .

As usual, on Monday morning I opened my Straight Dope Digest with the usual breathless anticipation (what can I say, I have a low threshhold of excitement!) and read the classic column about the person who inquired about the possibility of doing a complete pass-through of his alimentary canal with a string, cloth, etc.

The answer mentioned the practice of sutra neti, which Cecil referred to as “nasal floss.” I was immediately reminded of the antics of an acquaintance of mine in the Army (I am extremely hesitant to refer to him as a “friend,” for reasons that should become abundantly clear . . .)

It seems that one day, this gentleman, in an extremely advanced state of inebriation, was inspired to practice his own version of sutra neti in what I’m sure appeared to him at the time as a brilliant way to pick up some of the women who were imbibing at the same watering hole.

Being in uniform at the time, the gentleman was of course wearing his dog tags as prescribed by regulations. For those who are not familiar with these accouterments, the two tags are suspended around the neck on a length of that chain that consists of small metal beads strung together and held with a clasp.

The gentleman, having somehow obtained the attention of his quarry, proceeded to open the chain, insert the end into one nostril, and hawk mightily until his gag reflex signaled the emergence of the end of the chain from the depths of his nasal cavity into the back of his throat.

Having achieved the required depth, so to speak, the intrepid gentleman then proceeded to cough violently and heroically until said chain was resting conveniently on his tongue, whereupon he reached into his maw, grasped the end, pulled it forth once more into the light of day, and attached the end to the clasp.

Then, to the amazement of his peers, he proceeded to pull on the chain, circling it through the perilous straits of nostril - pharynx - mouth repeatedly. Alas, history does not record whether our intrepid warrior succeded in his pursuit of the ladies, although I am certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that he got their full attention and left a lasting impression!sutra neti

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Can yogas swallow a cloth and have it come out the (urk) other end? (29-Feb-1980)

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Is this friend of yours still single? He sounds like quite a catch. I hope he removed the dog tags before flossing his nostrils.

I believe he is still single, although I can’t imagine why! As far as I know he DID remove the dog tags from the chain, as his nostrils are neither enlarged or rectangular. . .

A correction to my last post: “neither . . . or rectangular” should read “neither . . . nor rectangular.” I do NOT wish to irk the ire of the Grammar Police!