Sweetened Condensed Milk! Why hath thou tortured me so?!?!

Mrs. Bernse and I were making home-made Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream the other day <drooool>. It is absolutely amazing stuff. One of the key ingredients (in addition to the 4 cups of heavy cream) is a can of sweetened condensed milk (now known as SCM). This stuff, IMHO, is nectar of the gods. Better than almost any candy (except maybe the aforementioned homemade Chocolate Mint Ice Cream).

Being the husband with the sweet tooth, I have always volunteered for the tough, thankless job of making sure that the can is thoroughly emptied of any remaining SCM before the can hits the trash. This is mostly to fall inline with the law that says you have to make sure the can of SCM is empty as it is such a valuble commodity, and partially that I just love the stuff.

As you are probably aware, these cans are one of few products that actually is opened with a tab and you peel back the entire lid to reveal the treasure within. Upon emptying the can, I quickly grab a small spatula and give the remaining SCM inside the can a good home.

Once the inside of the can is empty, I turn my attention to the lid. Mrs. Bernse shuddered in horror as I brought the lid of the can to my mouth so I could lick off the goodness blanketing it. You see, this is a tricky item. The sides of the lid are virtually razor sharp (OK, maybe a dull razor). Mrs. Bernse says:* Use a SPOON! You’ll cut your tongue open if you don’t!*

BAH!! I’ve been doing this forever. I’ve got almost 30 years lid, beater, spoon, fork, finger, you name it, licking experience.

She counters with: You know, this is one of those instances I’ve told you about. Remember, if you’ve ever questioned if something was a smart idea or not? Rule of thumb: If you’re in a hospital emergency room because you hurt yourself doing what it was that got you there, would you be embarrassed to tell the doctor what it was you were doing? Example: Doctor says, “So, why were you picking your teeth with that electric knife?” Or, "So, why were you drying your hair with the paint stripping gun? Or, “Why were you trying to light your cigar with the BBQ?” That kind of thing

Pffft! I counter with, “BUT!!! IT’S SWEETENED CONDENSED MILK!!! ANY DOCTOR WOULD UNDERSTAND WHY!!! BESIDES! I’VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR ALMOST ALL OF MY 30 YEARS. I AM NOT AN IDIOT! I WON’T HURT MYSELF!”

She relents. She knows better than to pursue something that I already made my mind up on. I pick up the lid and start licking it like a small child with one of those giant lolly-pops, or a cat that found a puddle of cream on the floor. Man, it is just SOOOO DAMN GOOOD.

Then I feel it. A small tingle on the tip of my tounge. Could it be? Nah, it couldn’t be. I continue lickng the lid. Then I feel another one… a similar tingle yet again, and now the SCM has a strange taste. A slightly foreign, yet familiar flavor… even richer than normal. BUT ITS STILL SOOO GOOOD.

I think I’d better go and check this out, as my tounge started to hurt a bit… you know, just on the off chance that the totally unthinkable happened.

Mrs. Bernse :Where are you going?

“Oh, just to the washroom… gotta go, you know” I bring my treasured lid with me. I go to the washroom, lock the door and look in the mirror. I open my mouth. By this time, my tounge is covered in blood. I rinse my mouth with water to get the blood out.

Then, the unthinkable happens. I see a large glop of SCM on the edge of the lid I somehow missed. Not being an idiot, I decide it’s not in my best interests to use my tounge again to lap it off the lid, so, I use my finger instead.

SLIIIIT! A 1/2" cut on my index finger. Blood pours out immediately.

DAMN!!! My 30(ish) year streak of being left alone by sharp cans was abrubtly ended last weekend. The can got a hat-trick on me.

I’ll never look at a can of that sweet, sweet, Sweetened Condensed Milk the same way again.

did you know that in mexico, they have sweetened condensed milk in other flavors?
mmmmmm…dulce de leche.

Just thought I would share that with you in your moment of pain.

This is one of those experiences that, upon reflection, you could see coming around the corner.

Ouch!

BNB kinda beat me to it! You think SCM is yummy now?

Take a can, peel the paper off, submerge in your crockpot full of water on high overnight. Let cool. Open can. MmmmmmmmmMMMmmMMMMMMmmmmmm.

You can eat this with a spoon, so the risk to your finger is lowered.

Oooohhh… No, I had no idea. I see a trip in my future!

Hmmm…I bet you didn’t reveal to Mrs. bernse what happened, did you?

hee hee! I have some in my pantry as I type…

If you’d like a can, drop me a line.

fellow SCM lovers must unit, ya know!

OMG!! :eek:

I thought my older brother was the only person who loved SCM enough to drink it out of the can!

I don’t remember the lids coming off though… I remember him using a churchkey to punch a neat little triangle on each side the can for pure sippin satisfaction.

Mmmmm mmmmm

Happy day that you decided to bring your dire situation before the august SDMB! Knowing that there are other people, who, like yourself, must have full and complete access to their cans!

There are can openers that do not leave sharp edges.

In particular, I recommend a (manual) one by Kuhn Rikon, Switzerland. Also sold in the US. Has a little problem with sardine type cans, but otherwise: perfect.

In Brazil, you can also get different flavours of ‘leite moça’ as it’s called there. Oh, and for that extra little thrill (slightly perverse, perhaps): ‘leite moça’ is best translated as ‘young girl’s milk’.

No…, no…, not what you think. It’s because the biggest brand (Nestle) has a picture of a young milk maid on the can.

What do you think?

:wink:

Smashed has revealed one of the true joys of the universe. The caramelized sweetened condensed milk pudding that results is bliss. However, he(?) left out the obligatory “Mom”-style warning that must accompany this recipe (it’s traditional):

“If you do this, you run a (very small) risk of the can exploding. And the metal could fragment into shrapnel and put your eye out or something”

That said, I’ve never had a can explode on me, and I use the riskier “boiling water” method (don’t use a crock pot, use a pot on your stove with water at a slow boil. Only takes about 2 hours.)

If it doesn’t explode and kill you or something, you’ll be in nirvana.

Fenris

Or, if you have a pressure cooker: peel the paper off put in enough water to cover can, cover pressure cooker and turn heat on high. Once steam starts whistling from valve give it about 45 mins. Turn off heat, allow to cool. Results are the same. Can be eaten straight from the can on a spoon, or as a spread on unsalted crackers, or toast, or off your SO.

Dang, forgot this one. You can take the unadulterated SCM, pour over a bowl of cereal, I’m partial to corn flakes for this, stir (if the SCM is too thick pop in microwave for about 10 secs), and enjoy.

Or pour about 1-2 fingers worth of SCM in the bottom of a tall glass, add a bottle of malta (not malt liquor, malta, you can find it in the ethnic section of your supermarket), stir and enjoy. I have tried this with coke too, and it is good, but with malta it is GREAT.

same brand in Mexico. There it is called La Lechera , or the milk maid.

have you ever had Veitnamese coffee?

pour a shot of espresso* into some condensed milk.
stir. pour over ice. stir.
mmmmmmmmmm
(the brand most commonly used here is one that contains chicory. They have a little devise that you put on top of your mug to make the espresso. It is sort of like a mini plunger coffee maker. For all practical purposes though, espresso will work)

Ooooh! I missed this gracious offer!

Email sent!

Thanks for all the ideas on how to carmalize it. I must admit, I’ve never actually indulged on an entire can… somehow I always thought that it would be just too much Sweetened Condensed Milk, kinda like a 2 hour long orgasm. So, I’ve always tried to satisfy myself with just the scraps of baking.

But damn! I’ll try almost anything once. I’ve got 2 cans left in the pantry. They’ll get broken out tonight! Yippee!

Bernse, you can slice the resultant concotion and if you want to cut the sweetness a bit, take fresh (best) or canned pineapple chunks and a little shredded toasted coconut and put it on top of a disk of the carmelized glop.

MMMmmMMmMmmmmmm

Fenris

Wow, you learn something new every day. I’ve never heard of people eating/drinking this stuff on its own.

I have a recepie for these caramel-brownie things that uses sweetened condensed milk and they are heavenly. I never attributed it to the scm…always thought it was the caramel that made it so good. I’ve never even tasted the scm by itself–it reminds me of evaporated milk, which is nasty.

Oh, bernse…imagine all those cans of scm I’ve tossed out, still dripping with unlicked goodness! I’m trying this next time and I don’t think I’ll let hubby get wind of it.

You must try it. It isn’t even remotely close to evaporated milk. It’s like comparing cottage cheese to whipping cream.

Try it, and then tell us how your life has/will changed because of it!

[sub]just, uh, remember to be careful if you lick the lids[/sub]

That sounds damn good too, but my favorite is taking the carmalized version and dipping Granny Smith apple slices into it. The perfect blend of tart and sweet.

Of course, now I must go buy some SCM and some green apples. Dammit.