This is a public service announcement to those of you who are not aware that our most Hallmarky of Hallmark holidays* is upon us. Now would be a perfect time to buy a few dozen flowers and a smarmy card to convey your love and devotion toward your SO, as well as your deep regret for whatever boneheaded action has you sleeping on the couch these days.
*Hallmark Holiday: n. Any holiday that has no apparent underlying religious or political basis and seems to exist for the sole purpose of supporting the multi-trillion dollar greeting card industry (motto: Who knew you could charge $5 for 10 square inches of cardstock?)
Just to help out, I have composed several sample cards below in case the pre-printed store cards don’t properly express your feelings.
Your love and support have meant the world to me during these trying times, I want you to know that I will make it up to you at the earliest possible opportunity. I am told that, with good behavior, that may be as early as 2011!
Ok, that last one was sort of specific, I’ll try to make the rest more generic.
In passion’s throes I often find
I lose all reason and presence of mind
So please forgive my addled brain
for making me scream another’s name.
To my life’s best friend,
Death and taxes, the sun will rise, a new day will come. In this world there are few things that can be relied upon . . . I am apparently not one of those things, but look, at least it was your sister and not a complete stranger right?
Please feel free to add to this list to help others.