Sure, artistically, this will probably end up as a turd, but the mistake you make is in thinking that film executives base their decisions on artistic criteria. Years ago, Steve Martin went around the studios pitching Roxanne. “It’s a modern update of Cyrano de Bergerac,” he would say. And the suits would say, “What?”
So: Lina Wertmuller made the original; not a consideration. Cinephiles regard it highly; not a consideration. It explores all sorts of sociopolitical and gender-relationship issues; nada.
But: Madonna’s in it? It’s directed by the guy who made the cult-fave (and, more importantly, profitable) flicks Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch? The budget is low? Hell, based on that information, if I were a studio executive, I would greenlight it. It’s a no-brainer.
And besides, it probably wasn’t greenlit, anyway. I don’t know anything about the financing of this film, but I strongly suspect it’s not a studio project. There are lots and lots of rich industrial types in Europe who would love to be associated with the Glamor Biz; they bankroll vanity productions all the time. How do you think John Travolta got Battlefield Earth off the ground? Not with studio money, that’s for sure.
So all the producers had to do was invite, say, a half-dozen wealthy entrepreneurs to write checks for between one and five million dollars each, in return for which they get to visit the set and meet Madonna, and maybe, just maybe, get their money back if the film turns into an independent hit, like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon a couple of years ago, or like this year’s Big Fat Greek Wedding. Sure, it’s a huge gamble, but people like this are known by name at Monte Carlo’s finest casinos.
Then assuming the film actually gets into the can, there isn’t a distributor in the world who wouldn’t be willing to pony up another couple of million for a low-budget Madonna movie, especially one directed by her husband. No, she’s never demonstrated anything like box-office drawing power, but a couple of million is a minor risk in the larger scheme, especially if Madonna herself is putting pressure on the conglomerates about who her next recording contract will be with. I’m not saying I know she did this, but she’d hardly be the first. And the value of the attention the tabloids will give the film – Madonna, directed by her husband? – will be incalculable.
So: Go ahead and complain about the movie, which will indeed most likely suck, but your apparent belief that the financiers should have considered whether the film was likely to be good or bad before getting involved is, IMHO, rather naive.
