Yeah, I know it’s super unlikely, but let’s just say that there is a mix-up at the hospital, and you get someone else’s baby. If you found out a year later, would you want to trade back? How about 5 years later? 10? Would it matter if one of the kids was a total pain in the ass?
Probably not, even after only one year. I mean, i doubt it would be an easy or pleasant decision, but family is more than a few strands of DNA. I expect I wouldn’t be able to part with the current kid.
And, btw, all kids are total pains the ass 
When I have kids, if they aren’t total pains in the ass, I’ll start wondering if they were switched. I was a total pain in the ass as a kid.
My wife and I would be absolutely devastated and probably would’ve been very early on in Sophie’s life - she really is just that special.
Of course, since Sophie looks so much like Mom and Dad, it’s very very unlikely that this could’ve occurred.
This would be a hard one in my house, because my husband and I disagree on the issue. My personal opinion is that the person who raises a child is the mother or father, and the person who gave the DNA is something…else. I would want to keep the child we’d been raising. My husband, on the other hand, is VERY attached to the idea of genetic connection, and is unwilling to consider adopting a child or fostering a child not related to us (I can’t have any more). It disturbs me, frankly, because my son is his stepson, so I wonder if he feels like he’s never bonded with him because he’s not genetically related (I’ve asked him, and his answer varies with his mood.) I know I consider him the father of my son.The man I had sex with 14 years ago who hasn’t been in my son’s life for 10 years now is his sperm-donor, or, as I call him in front of my son, his “bio-father”.
So we’d have to have a very difficult discussion, and I can’t claim to know how it would end up. Of course, the other parents would presumably have some input as well. I would rather we adults come to a decision together than be ordered to do something by a judge, of course.
My gut instinct says “Not if I have to give back the kid I’ve been raising”.
That’s the thing…I might feel that I would like to know my bio kid. However, I would kill anyone who tried to get their hands on my daughter, and being told that she wasn’t my actual bio kid would not make the SLIGHTEST bit of difference. Assuming the other family felt the same way, I think I would just let the whole thing go.
That’s the hardest part about these sad cases: Both sets of parents want the child they’ve been raising, plus their biological child. In the most famous “switched at birth” cast, the saga of Kimberly Mays, I image the biggest problem that Robert Mays, the non-biological parent who raised her had with her biological parents was that they knew two years before their (non-biological) daughter died that her blood type did not match theirs, yet they made NO effort to find and reunited her with her biological parents. It was only after she died that they tracked down Kimberly, “their” biological daughter.
No way. I just got mine broke in the way I like 'em.
I’m with everybody else on this. Assuming the other parents were good people and felt the same, I’d want to keep the kid I’d been raising if I’d had it any longer than like a week. I would, however, take steps to meet and be in some way involved in the life of my biological kid.
Yeah, that’s about it.
I’d certainly make the offer to meet and establish a relationship with the other family, but the Rykid ain’t up for negotiation.
No, not even if they have PS2.
Speaking from my position as a nonparent, I can’t see how any parent would be willing to “trade” a child they have been raising since shortly after birth for one that is biologically theirs.
My belief is that there is not much of a significant intrinsic emotional bond between a parent and their biological child. Rather, that bond is created by interactions between the adult and the child. I say “not much of a significant bond” rather than “none” because of the theory some espouse of the resemblance between parent and child helping develop a bond.
I realize that some parents might want to both keep the child they have raised and take custody of their biological child, but that is both not what the OP was asking and seems unfair to one of the two sets of parents. I could see it happening in some situations though–eg gross neglect or abuse.
I’ll be honest. I feel that way too at least for me. I have to blame it on evolutionary pressure or something. My 4 year old daughter favors me as much as any opposite sex child can. My wife freely acknowleges it and even has to correct people that don’t know me when they start saying that she has my wife’s this or that. My 3 month old is starting to show some but fewer signs as well. To me, that stuff just reaches into my brain and grabs ahold of something deep.
I am certainly not opposed to adoption given different circumstances but I have a feeling it would be missing something for me. Likewise, step-children at some point hopefully isn’t in the cards but stuff happens. I am fairly certain I could never see myself as a real father to them because they wouldn’t be my children in the scientific sense and that is the way my brain looks at it.
I have family members that are halves and steps and my wife does as well and I don’t consider them full members of whatever their biological title would be (e.g. half-sister instead of sister). My wife has 3 older half siblings that I don’t really care for so I emphasize the HALF whenever I can even though the rest of the family doesn’t use the terminology.
That said, I think I would have to do the old switcheroo up to say age 3 if I had full choice in the matter. I would always love the other child as well but blood is thicker than water in my house.
Wow. I’ll bet that goes over well at Thanksgiving dinner.
To the OP, I don’t know what I would do. I guess it would depend on how bonded we all already were and if we could all be part of each other’s lives.
Before I became a mom, I think my attitude was that the people who wanted to disrupt the lives of both families and “get their kid back” were selfish and, in a way, greedy.
But now that I am a parent? I dunno. I’d be freaked out to know a child of mine–the one I’d thought about and wondered about and made all those mental promises to in the womb–was out there in the world. This was someone that was supposed to be raised by me, whom I intended to be a precious part of our family–and now by freak accident he’s in someone else’s. I don’t know that I’d want him BACK exactly–and I can’t imagine parting with my own beloved child I had thought was mine all these years. So disruptive and horrible for everyone.
However, I fear I’d also be haunted by thoughts and doubts and worries. What if the other parents weren’t good people? What if they weren’t good parents? Do they treasure him like I’d want him to be treasured?
And the sad thing is, there’s a darn good chance they are better parents than me. But until I knew more, I’d worry that they weren’t kind and loving. And if I discovered my worse fears, that they didn’t give him the love I think he deserves? Nightmare–I don’t know what I’d do. There are no happy endings in this scenario.
And on the other side, they might feel the same way. What would they make of my parenting of their child? I could assure them that he was the absolute light of our lives since the day we took him home as ours, but would that be enough?
This is one of those things where if I think about it too long, I feel like vomiting.
As long as the other parents were good people, I’d keep the kid I’d been raising. Unless it was in the first few weeks, then I’d want my bio kid back.
Of course, as I don’t have kids, this opinion may change.
Yikes. I suppose I’d want to be involved in both children’s lives.
I thought this was a Veronica Mars episode. Poor Mac. Though would she be as cool if she had been an 09er?
I’d keep MY kids, the ones I have been with day and night. The ones who walked towards me with tiny wobbling steps, the ones who thrilled me by saying MAMA, the ones I held when they had fevers, the ones I cheered for when they beat me at UNO, the ones I hug and talk to every single day. These are my children and finding out that their blood isn’t mine wouldn’t change how I feel at all. I’ve taught them right and wrong, I’ve taught them that they can trust me and to depend on me, I would never go against that. I don’t really like little kids, I like my little kids. Should I find out they were switched I’d feel the same about them that I do right now, they are mine. They act like me, they have some of my facial expressions, they laugh at my jokes and sing along with songs like I do. They are mine. They have my blood but it’s so much more than that, they have my soul.